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This time going to give it everything I got! I don’t post often. I struggle with binge drinking and now being at home I’ve don’t it 2x being alone. You see I make all these rules in my head to somehow control this weakness. Ugh I just need to say it... this disease. I will always struggle with admitting I’m an alcoholic and I have no control. I don’t keep alcohol in the house I just never wanted that temptation. I don’t crave it but when I drink I have to really put in effort to keep it to a few but most of the time I’m drinking like I’m in a race but I’m by myself in this race! So Friday and Saturday drunk and so sick on Saturday! I knew I really over did it! Yesterday finally felt somewhat alive but after all my promises of this No more drinking. Of course today is Tuesday and as the self loathing and regret slightly wear off I catch myself trying to bargain and negotiate with myself. My moms birthday is coming up I think well I can have just one margarita to celebrate. Oh yes and my friends bday are coming up in a few months well I just won’t take those shoots. I’m limit myself to wine coolers. It must of been the Red Bull and Vodak that just isn’t for me. WTF. I want to forget ever disgusting mistake I have made because of my drinking but at the same time I wish I could keep the pain in box and everytimE I thought of drinking I could open it and remember that feeling so I don’t that first drink.... sorry for this rant. Just needed to vent! |
The misery of your last drunk might be the push you need to promise, No more drinking. You have to decide to quit before you can. But it's a poor recovery method to rely on the memory of your last drink to keep you sober. Accept never drinking again. Make a plan to support that decision. |
It's always the first drink that gets us. If you want to be sober you have to decide. You cannot contemplate just one marguerita or one wine.. If you want it bad enough and work on a plan and get some support this can be your time. You could try posting a little more here too. Maybe join the April 2020 class. Stay safe. |
everytimE I thought of drinking I could open... |
Hi - what Doggonecarl says. |
Originally Posted by Justme2016
(Post 7419894)
I don’t post often. I struggle with binge drinking and now being at home I’ve don’t it 2x being alone. You see I make all these rules in my head to somehow control this weakness. Ugh I just need to say it... this disease. I will always struggle with admitting I’m an alcoholic and I have no control. I don’t keep alcohol in the house I just never wanted that temptation. I don’t crave it but when I drink I have to really put in effort to keep it to a few but most of the time I’m drinking like I’m in a race but I’m by myself in this race! So Friday and Saturday drunk and so sick on Saturday! I knew I really over did it! Yesterday finally felt somewhat alive but after all my promises of this No more drinking. Of course today is Tuesday and as the self loathing and regret slightly wear off I catch myself trying to bargain and negotiate with myself. My moms birthday is coming up I think well I can have just one margarita to celebrate. Oh yes and my friends bday are coming up in a few months well I just won’t take those shoots. I’m limit myself to wine coolers. It must of been the Red Bull and Vodak that just isn’t for me. WTF. I want to forget ever disgusting mistake I have made because of my drinking but at the same time I wish I could keep the pain in box and everytimE I thought of drinking I could open it and remember that feeling so I don’t that first drink.... sorry for this rant. Just needed to vent! I can completely identify with you post. The hangovers, the feeling of being burned out all day and the grind of trying to keep it together. But I could never get sober on my own and always returned to drinking after a few days Took years before alcohol stopped "working" and one day I simply found myself fed up.... with being sick and tired all the time. At which point I sheepishly decided to attend an AA meeting. |
"Most of us were unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics". This is the first sentence in the chapter about alcoholism in the AA book. But it seems to be necessary to admit exactly what the problem is in order to find an appropriate fix. I did not want to admit my alcoholism. When in the hospital I found a much more attractive problem that I would prefer to admit to. A temporal lobe condition sounded good to me. That explained everything, and it all started with a bang on the head when I was 16. Of course the treatment for this condition would be completely different to an effective treatment for alcoholism. For one thing, as far as I knew, it would not involve stopping drinking. Strange how I would rather be a certified lunatic than an alcoholic. I was unable to persuade the doctors of my diagnosis. They had too much information on me. But here is the question: Do you think my deluded misdiagnosis, my admission of a temporal lobe condition would have solved the real problem? In the end I had to admit to the real problem and accept a treatment specifically for that condition. |
why not join the class of April support thread Justme? https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-one-8.html all you have to do to join is post in the thread. D |
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