Been doing great but...
 

Yes I've been doing great. I'm now a year and a half sober. But I've been having intrusive thoughts about drinking these past few weeks. I even had a dream about it last night that I got a bottle of vodka and drank most of it before paying for it lol, and that I had called in sick to work. But in all seriousness I've been having a ton of emotional stress lately, I feel like I'm at a crossroad in my relationship, and sometimes feel like it's time to move on with my life and start a whole new chapter. With these type of thoughts comes great distress, and in the past I had always turned to drinking to cope with anxiety, but now I can't do that because I know I can't drink safely.

I'm sure it's just some weird thing that will pass as time goes on, but it does bother me that I've been thinking about it from time to time as of late.

I think I can isolate your problem :)
You're stressed and worried and even tho you're 18 months sober you haven't yet worked out a go to strategy for stress besides drinking.

I'm not putting you down - it's actually really common.
I assumed I'd just 'handle stuff' sober but some things were really hard.

First I had to look at the stress and see whether it really was my stress to own.

I used to do a lot of worrying about what ifs. You can go mad that way. 98% of my what ifs never happened.

100% of my what ifs were not as bad as I'd imagined.

0% of my what ifs were helped by me worrying beforehand.

I also worried a lot for other people.

I was General Manger of the Universe some days.
It felt really good to let that self imposed responsibility go.

Exercise is a great stress reliever - so are hobbies, interests, watching favourite shows, reading books.

Create a balance. Down time is not wasted time.
We all need to recharge the batteries.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html

Personally I do feel like I've been managing my stress well for the most part. I'm actually quite surprised I've done as good as I have, and feel like it hasn't really been much effort, but at the same time you do have a point. For something extreme like I mentioned in my previous post I don't really have a go to plan, and it's something I have to work on. Relationship troubles in the extremes does have the potential to impose these thoughts about drinking. Will I cave in? I doubt it. Just due to the fact that my last relapse caused all kinds of troubles beyond belief in my eyes, and would never want to be there again. I just felt like I had to communicate this, and not stay quiet about it.

I know I always ask this of people here. But are you getting any kind of therapy based support. IMO one battle is the actual putting the drink down and the other is the coming to terms with it and finding new ways to live your life that doesn't involve the drink.

Stress is stress, emotional or not.

I can't tell you what to do with your relationship.
I can tell you that drinking is not the answer, but you know that.

I hope you find some strength and clarity to do whatever it is you decide to do.

D

This Dee guy is pretty sharp and knows the score, very well put!

Some times life gets really hard, unbearable even, and I wish I had the outlet of drinking, but I don’t want it like I used to do it, I just want a simple release.

The reality is that I chase a certain kind of high, and if I’m not high enough, I’ll drink until I get there, and “there” is obliterated. So I can’t.

I feel the tug between needing release and not being able to do it. My sobriety is sort of like standing there in a straitjacket, because I’d like to, but I simply can’t, and I have to just accept it.

I understand. Just remember that it’s not what we think it is when it first comes to mind.

Thanks Dee, I know I will be fine. I'm just surprised at myself that I've been having these thoughts about drinking lately. It's really quite frightening. And then the dream about getting drunk, that surprised me too, it's almost like me thinking about the good times when I would imbibe alcohol.
But right away I start to think about the horror too, that to me is what acts like a deterrent.

I would say that I've been doing well. It's just terrifying or at least to me that I would suddenly have such thoughts, but I know they will fade out as time goes on.

Yes I concur.

Drinking is definitely not an option. I know from experience and how bad things got the last time that I just can't. I mean before that horrible relapse I was 8 months sober, and I thought I had it, and nope little did I know apparently how bad things where going to get. So from that last experience I know for a fact that it's not an option and that I will not be able to drink safely again.

Are you in a program? It really helps to talk to another recovering alcoholic, especially regarding drink signals. I wouldn't be sober without the fellowship of recovering drunks. If it means anything, in my 29th year I still have the occasional drunk dream.

I tend to take "drinking dreams" as a serious warning. To be sure, some are just a dream and don't mean anything. Other times though, they've were absolutely a warning sign that the way I was behaving and the things I was thinking/saying/doing in my life were NOT congruent with the life in recovery I wanted to live or even thought I was living. Denial and delusion can be very sneaky.

Knowing for real whether it was just a dream or a warning doesn't usually come until "later." Sometimes that's days, or weeks..... sometimes months. When I have them now, I take what I believe to be the most mature view I can take and assume they're a warning. If I assume they're a warning, make some positive changes and it turns out that it was really nothing to sweat..... good.....I'm better for the changes I made. If it was a warning, NOT making those changes would result in disaster. So whatever the "truth" may be at the time, I treat it seriously.

When I've had them AND I can easily spot some areas in my life where I'm not in harmony with what's happening, the people around me or even when it's just internal stuff I'm struggling with... then I pretty much know it's a warning and that the warnings have progressed to the point where I'm now dreaming about them AND remembering the dream. For me, it's definitely time to do some honest reassessments of where I really am in my recovery - and that has, every time I can think of, turned out to be a quite different place than where I "thought" I was at the beginning of my investigation.

Our Brain are an amazing computer. Most powerful "tool" that exist in the Universe, as we currently know. They store memories, feelings associated with these memories, and our beliefs.

I still dream about my ex gf, who I ended relationship with more than 2 years ago. Sometimes my brain will trie to convience me to contact her again. Things were "so beautiful back then". Everything was lolipops and honey. But, was it really? If that was true, my ex wasn't my ex. We had a great time for a while but I certanly would not have left her, if things were good. So I choose not to contact her. In fact, whenever my brains start to bring up these thoughts, I remember of all the reasons why I quit the relationship. That seems to be enough. :)

I hope you get the anology.