I just found your post today & read all of it. What progress you made from your first post to today's-so happy you're doing better. :c011:

Onward & upward!

What about a meeting, Rob?
I was resistant too (for many years), but once I got there realized that just being in the same place with real people who have the same real problem is incredibly... I dunno

Warm?
Welcoming?
Comforting?
Empowering?

All those things.

Thanks for your vote on the dog - I might well go with a corgi. :)

O

Yea I'm just biased. The cur needs room to run, I'm on a couple acres so she gets to rip around pretty much every day. Go get that dog, sounds like you already made up your mind.

I'll get to a meeting. I'm not intentionally trying to put it off, but I know I need to go before I am feeling weak and vulnerable. It's just weird because I do feel like "I got this". But I know I don't. It's all new to me this whole reaching out thing. I also have some social anxiety to overcome when it comes to groups of people.

Would it help if I said, "Most of us do? "

Sure, I figured it was possible there might be others besides me ;)

It's not extreme anxiety, I am fine around groups of people. It's just the whole bunch of eyes on you at the same time thing. Hopefully I can find a group that's cool with me having a cup of coffee and just observing to start, then ease my way in if it's comfortable.

You're not that special, Rob. :)
Believe me, all eyes won't be on you. Some might be. Who cares? Everyone there had a first meeting, too.

If you are called upon, it's perfectly acceptable to say, "I'm just here to observe tonight. I'll participate more once I get to know the group a little better."

How goes, Rob?

It's just going right now, working a good bit and still trying to find things to do in the evening to entertain myself. Tonight it was listening to cockpit voice recordings of plane crashes. In particular air france crash and japan airlines 1985 among others. Last night submarine implosions.

Cleared 2 weeks today, struggle at times with thoughts of getting a beer mainly just to shut off my brain and go to bed. I keep fighting it off, but I feel the old pattern trying to take shape. I refer to them as my evil clowns. They have been tormenting me for some time now and they are always waiting in the shadows for the perfect time to pounce. Right now they are sitting in the corner looking at me, twisting their mustaches hatching their next evil plan (yea my clowns have mustaches).

I'm winning though, and they can't seem to figure out why or how. It's been so easy for them in the past and they are not used to being challenged. I haven't made it past 3 weeks in the last 5 years, so I feel like I am approaching the sound barrier. Shitload of turbulence coming but hopefully calm on the other side once broken.

Thanks for checking in, hope you had a good day...

congrats on 2 weeks :)

D

Good to hear from you. Great job on two weeks!

Rob:
I've lived thru it, too. Real DT's, with no medical supervision and was right on deaths door. The fact that you're posting is a great sign.
If your there, get to the hospital, man...you don't have to push the envelope again. It's Russian roulette, if you've been as far as I. And I sense your desperation.
It's terrible, and I feel you man.
Get safe now. Deal with day two later...get thru this part SAFE. It's no game, Rob, and I sense you know that as well as I.
I'm brand new here, as of tonight, and maybe God put me here for you. Maybe not.
But I truly do understand.
And it WILL GET BETTER.
Much love, my friend & brother. You are not alone. Ever.
Dirk

Dirk,

Rob's past the withdrawals now. This was 2 weeks ago, and he did go to the ER to get the help he needs.


I'm just worried he's gonna revert to the "I got this now," mindset and try keeping sober all by himself.


Yes Rob, that was a big nudge. :)

Ha ha:)!
Yes, I read all that now. I'm new to this site, so I only saw the heading and figured it was all '911 Responses'
Thank God he got thru that part.
So on to the 'I Got This Now' part-
Yep, I agree. None of us have 'Got This'- It's WAY WAY bigger than us.
Ken, Rob...I...we fricking KNOW this. Remember DT's. The 'Real' ones. Keep that fresh. And just don't drink.
That's the only thing that works for me (plus ANY other tools I need to use!)
This site is now one of my tools. I'm sober tonight!
Thanks, guys-
Dirk:)

So here is my take on meetings.

Good for some, others, not so much.

I think Bill and his friends did truly amazing work when you read the book and really think, these guys just figured this OUT, way before the science etc. That is to me a remarkable feat.

And they then put together a proposed way of helping folks deal with this. Again, amazing.

But to see AA as a one size fits all approach or meetings as necessary to recovery in my view does not do them justice. Nor to all that we have learned since.

I have never been to a meeting because I live in a foreign country and makes no sense. I have read the book but not worked the program as such and think Living Sober is so helpful as well. I am also not a religious AVRT gal, but I thought it was hugely helpful. I call her my inner bitch, cause she is way beyond just drinking, that gal got tons of bad things for me if I listen to her, so I just ignore her like I do my ******* Ex. Do not attack, do not engage with your clowns with moustaches.

So I don't think everyone needs AA or meetings. But we all need to truly accept that we need to do whatever is necessary to Never Drink Again and To Never Quit the Decision no matter what it takes. Because, as Dee taught me, abstinence is not control and that is what Ken is worried about -- that you like all of us will think, I've got this, when you know you ain't got it at all if you pick up a drink -- but you totally got it if you don't. EVER.

If I were you and there were meetings around to check out, I would, why not.

Ditto for AVRT, read the online stuff- its cool.

I love Hip Sobriety -- check her out.

Then do what what works for you.

But do it. So we can all just STOP IT. You really made my day with that skit. So funny.

Thanks Dee, Ken, Dirk & Dropsie...(flows nicely)

Dirk, you scared the crap out of me for a second, I wasn't fully awake yet when I read your post and wondered what have I done. Thanks for the thoughts through, I need to keep that day one mentality.

Dropsie, just want to clarify that my spelling of mustache is also correct :wink: at least here in the states.

I'm normally working by now but I decided to start late, make some breakfast and enjoy my morning. Just wanted to say thanks for the continued support guys, It's a great way to start the day.

Congrats Rob. One day at a time man :)

Dropsie, meant to add something that I have been reluctant to about the AA thing. It's not just the social anxiety to contend with, but I am also not religious. My higher power is mother nature herself and the universe. May not seem like a big deal to some, but put the two together....? Disclosing that on an anonymous forum vs a group of people in the heart of the bible belt is two different animals.

Also, I feel like I have a ton of support to call upon. Not just here but off-line as well now that I have conceded with everyone I know. I mean when it really comes down to it only we can save ourselves, I believe people can find different ways to pull it off. Not saying I am ruling it out, just giving an explanation as to why I have conveniently not made it happen yet.

Now I have to get my ass to work

Hey Rob, I just have to say that you're doing great! Keep up the good work. It's really worth it!

BTW, I'm one of those that came back to SR after having a minor relapse......LOL.....and I foolishly started drinking again after quitting for well over four years. Thankfully I didn't let things get too far out of control, for things could'v been much worse. Still, for most of us on SR the best approach is always to avoid the stuff at all costs. Hang in there, man!

I don't really care for clowns or mimes (coulrophobia) so I tend to pay special attention to them when I'm in their vicinity. Have to admit, I've never seen a clown with a mustache.

Drop me from a C-130 Hercules from 6000 feet over the middle east into the middle of nowhere but can't handle clowns.

God, I'm weird.

Keep up the good work Rob. You're an inspiration.

Rob,

So back to the history, Bill and his peeps higher power was not at all the same as the Christian right --some interesting things were going on with those dudes.

May have something to do with the spiritual awakening as they were quire non-traditional.

BUT, if you live in the Bible Belt, what Bill thought is not relevant, so I totally get it.

If it were me, focus on getting your tech totally up and running, there is some great on-line stuff. And if you are up for it, try a few meetings, there may be one that suits you -- there often are.

I am just so happy for you and for us that you are hanging with us.