Please Help Me
 

Okay, I went something like 19 days sober, which started as hell but slowly got better. Since then, I've been off and on. I had had a few days of total sobriety (4?) until November 24th. Then I drank 2 bottles of wine on the 25th, 26th, and 27th. I finally got myself to stop after I finished the bottle last night.

I have HORRIBLE withdrawal feelings right now. HORRIBLE. I didn't think I would after only 3 days of drinking. I'm just scared. How can this be when just 4 nights ago I was sober and NOT feeling this way?!?!

I'm scared. So, so scared. I'm trying to sleep but I awoke to what I now know is a minor seizure (it's amazing how you have no idea what it feels like until you have it, then you know just exactly what it is).

I'm just so scared. I know no one here can take that way from me, but I thought I'd put it out into the universe. And I know if I get through this evening, I'll never (hopefully) have to go through another night one, I just don't know why I'm in such hell or if I am going to make it. I wish I had a bottle of wine here. NOT to drink, but to have in case I need it. Like, medically. This is honestly frightening.

I know no one here is a doctor, but has anyone had a seizure before and what did you do?? Did it happen again right after, or was it a one time thing you went through? Can I at least think, 'if I make it through the night I'm likely in the clear??' I need something to hang on to. I have an old prescription of xanax and I'm debating taking one but I want to be drug free. Do you think I should??!!

Hi sohard

Kindling is a real thing. Withdrawals can get worse in time, and so can the anxiety.

Noone here can tell you with any authority whats likely to happen. Withdrawal is unpredictable.

I do remember being very frightened I was going to die. I found lying down helped a little, even if I didn't sleep.

If you're worried about a seizure and it's really freaking you out, there's really nothing for it but to get yourself to a Dr or the local hospital.

Much better to be safe than sorry.

Other than that I hope things look better in the morning.

D

Oh I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. It sounds like you should see your Dr asap in case it gets worse.

dial 911 and get medical help

Thanks all. I feel much better. So, this is my new day #2. I don't know why I've had so much trouble starting, stopping, starting. I do, of course, believe I'm DONE after the horrible night I had last night. NO sleep but I survived and am at work and know I've made it through (through this experience, at least). I think I just got all messed up on my recovery timeline because I was doing well (10 days or so, not 19 as I said above, that was an error), but then read about/heard about Naltrexone. I took it, that made all cravings go away, I foolishly thought I could drink, then I was just all messed up in the head. It was a fantasy to believe that that drug could make everything 100% better for me overnight (although I know for sure it helps others) - it really ended up hurting by making me overly confident. So, I begin again (although at this point I'm sure no one believes I'll be successful). I have to believe it, though. I have to. I have to believe I'm going to look back on all this and think "whew! I'm so glad I'm now one of the one's who is years sober - an old timer - now happy and content and giving advice to the newbies". I really want that. I'm trying. Thank you for your support. I feel good to be on day #2.

Have you tried AA? AA saved my life! I could NOT have done this alone.

SoHard - are you taking the naltrexone as rx’d? I know that they warn that if you take it and then drink, you can end up drinking more than your usual to achieve that “drunk”.

So hard, I’m so glad to hear you are feeling better, and as far as believing in you a lot of those old timers were in your shoes at one time and just like you they believed in themselves and that’s how they got where they are. Keep trying and more importantly keep believing and you will make it. We all believe in you.

Over decades, this was my experience. Hopefully in the daze of instant information others become aware of the progressive nature of alcoholism, including kindling.

Over 550, 000 views and counting........
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...lly-again.html

My guess is that it's the same problem most of had - we didn't fully accept that we are alcoholics/addicts. You mention reading about naltrexone and thinking that it would be OK to drink again - that's classic alcoholic/addictive thinking. There is no pill or technique that can take away our addictive tendencies. Sure, some of them can help with cravings or make you sick if you drink, but at the end of the day that's just treating the symptoms - not the problem. And your addiction will run wild trying to make you believe that there is some hope that you will eventually be able to drink again.

Using consequences is not usually an effective long term strategy either - because they always fade away eventually. I can't even count the number of times I professed that I would never drink again because of something I did the night before when I was drunk, or because of a massive hangover/withdrawals, etc. But even severe withdrawals eventually go away.

For me the only solution was to unconditionally accept that I can never take even one drink. There is simply something different about me that wont' allow me to drink alchol in a conrolled fashion. I also had to accept that I can NEVER change that part of me...no pill, no therapy, no technique, no process.

BUT - I can learn new ways to live my life without alcohol...and so can you.

I know you're right about my having problems with the acceptance part of this. I accept it the day after a night of hell (like last night) and for days afterwards, but then I start questioning it. It's just so stupid. I'm smarter than this. Agh! The cycle!

It's got nothing to do with intelligence - it's a state of mind really. I firmly believe one needs to have a plan in place to fall back on each and every day. Especially at first, so that when you "question" your addiction you have a group of people, a set of rules or a concept to always fall back on. Have you considered finding a local support group in addition to using SR?

If you have a seizure you need to get to the ER

SoDear,

You are dodging the question of AA. (Or SMART or Lifering or some in-person program).

I know you can do this (and I can too, though I struggle mightily and for a lot longer than you have, I think), and I know too that talking with people in real life who have the same problem you do is really an enormous relief.

xo
O

surrender completely that you can't ever drink again. It is not an option for you. NEVER EVER AGAIN!! Once you surrender and accept that, then your sobriety will mean something. Until then you will always wonder, ponder, hope that someday drinking is an option and it will become one eventually. You're intelligent which means you know how to think and think often. You will think yourself into a drink sooner than later. Therefore, surrender and throw in the towel on drinking.

Sohard,
How are you holding up? Everything ok?

You are not alone, Sohard. Struggling right alongside of you. But I have issues. Do you? What makes you drink?