Ok good...I am started again. Then don't delete me Dee... Heck yeah I need a plan...that is why I posted this.. but AA was not an option until Whodathunk let me know I could do it on line. I also have an electronic book so will load the AA book. Looking into it. If I knew how to beat this ..I would be over it.

If you lived here you would understand more. Should I book everyone a flight? It is butt ugly WIND again today. I know I could move. I need to stop complaining....cost of living is low. I am close to BUTT UGLY INSANITY! Phew...spring is coming. Thanks for all the support.

I need to say...another shout out THANKS to Dee. He quietly changes my cuss words and didn't get on my case....I saw it later checking back on my posts. He has taught me how to cuss...without really cussing. Gotta give this guy high fives all over the place! And he is...all over the place! :grouphug:

Thanks for the kind words :)

I've lived in a variety of places getting sober and staying sober.
Honestly I don't think the outside matters as much as the inside....

Whatever you do - AA, SMART, AVRT counselling, Dr, SR...I think the common ground is commitment to being sober, a willingness to change, and the faith to withstand a little initial discomfort knowing there's a payoff down the road a little.

D

MCB, not sure if AA is online or not. I hope it is. I think I have heard people attend meetings online. Didn't want to get your hopes up unless I was wrong, but there must be something like that online these days.

I read the Vargus Book. It was great. On my Kindle I searched using the word Drunk in it, and found some very interesting books written by people who told their story in the book they wrote. I tried every one I could find, finished some, some were not good. But that's the good thing about the Kindle or the one you have, the books are cheap. I still miss turning the pages on the real thing, but one of the things that came with my sobriety was staying up later, and the bedside light does not help my wife sleep. :) So she bought me a Kindle!!!

One of the good things coming with my sobriety is that I have read so many books that I have amazed myself. I was never a book reader growing up. I have started reading the books now of my favorite movies. I think the best so far have been "The Godfather" series. That was rather random.....

I end up in the hospital after every drunk, and I still do it. But to be honest, my program is effectively non-existent. Just gotta own our mistakes and do the best we can.

I watch intervention...sober- to keep things green. i wouldn't watch it when I was out there because I knew how close to death I was.
I know now, i can never forget.

I knew what I was doing and I kept doing it.

I was one of those people who always thought I had another recovery in me. Like when I was really ready to get back on the wagon, it would be there. Hell, I joked about it sometimes.

I remember my neighbor picking me up off the pavement and taking me to the ER. That was my last memory for almost a week. When I finally came to, the Dr. said I had organ damage and had given myself type 2 diabetes from all the liquor. I had MRIs because of seizures in the past...I was dying.

The first 10 months I got sober I had to take 2 kinds of heart medication, kidney medication and diabetes medication.

you know what....I don't even know why I'm writing all this....it all comes down to when the time is wrong, nobody will be able to keep you sober.. when the time is right, you'll move mountains to stay that way.

I'm sorry I wasn't more encouraging. It's my own character flaws. I do apologize.
I just read your posts and found myself boiling inside. You sounded so much like I did.

I hope you feel better soon. Please don't wait too long to be done for good. For some of us...there is no going back anymore.

Never too late to get a plan and use it thatwastheoldme :)

D

Bulldog I know how close to death you came. Scared me to death..so happy for you that you made it to the other side. We have to keep on top of this...It is for sure a killer. So proud of you and others. <3

I know how serious it is. Once again...I have to use humor to keep myself from diving in a pit of depression. Now that I type it out...I may be there now. I didn't marry very well. If I had it over to do again...I would pick an addiction specialist. He would love my @ss...I would keep him on his toes.

I think the best saviour is ourselves MsCooterBrown.

You can do this :)

D

No doubt in my mind Dee. I know I can. If I got off the "fags" (still makes me laugh) I can do this! Thanks for the support...

Loved your message #28 last paragraph!!!!! Wicked good...

I had anxiety about seeing known acquaintances at AA meetings. Found out a few things when I had to go because it was life or death for me. 1. They were at an AA meeting because they were an alcoholic too. 2. They already knew that I should be there with them. 3. They didn't care if I was there. 4. Open and/or closed meetings are to discuss your problems with alcohol not the other trauma that is for your therapist.

I hope and pray you find sobriety and a program that works for you. Just don't forget that you're worth not giving up trying.

Whodathunk #28? I don't understand this...Oh now I see..they are all numbered. Thanks.

It is 12:16 AM here...Already tomorrow. About ready to hit the sleigh bed. And that really is what they call it. Anyway...thanks for all the support...even the people that worry about my way of thinking make me think. G'Night. Will check in tomorrow. That is the beauty of being retired. I can hang out here with people that no matter what...understand. I do love the different points of view. Night to you too Least. I haven't heard from you....

MsCooterBrown,

You write beautifully. Lovely prose.

Thank you kathmandu! What a nice thing to say. :)

for what its worth i got sober without aa or anything. i was in the dark the first year or so. didnt come here or anuywhere. i had no idea what i was going through was par for the course ijust thought i was loosing my mind. I also did not feel i had a drinking problem but somewhere around a year sober I started to put 2 and 2 together and admit to myself that yeah I did have a problem and i signed up here and went to AA. I dont go to AA regularly.

I think I'm an odd case too. I dont hear many stories of peopel getting a year under there belt without some kidna "program" I also think i'm really foolish for not getting some sort of help geeze it woulda made my life so much easier even if all i ever did was sign up here and realize hey what i'm dealing with is normal for someone whos trying to sober up.

IF i had to do it all over again i think i'd like to try rehab if finances allowed it. white knuckleing it and going it alone where really hard and foolish.

I have heard it before. I might have another relapse in me but I dunno if i got anohter recovery in me. That saying applys to me. If i drink again i dunno if i'll come back from it. I dunno if i'll have what it takes to put up that good fight again. That scares me and keeps me sober so I guess whatever works.

NO! Do not delete anything. The whole point of doing all this crap is to get better. It is crap in so much as it is hard work. To post when I do not want to.
SR itself is not crap. The reason for it (addiction) IS crap. YOU certainly are NOT crap. I we all were perfect, SR would not exist. Be honest- the world would be a better place if we all were- so long as we keep looking and growing.

Right. I won't delete myself. I got all pouty because I have to deal with this VERY serious illness with humor. It is the way I get thru all tragedy. And I have to learn and remind myself that some people don't think like I do. And not be offended by that. I will continue to trudge forward...I will continue to do it with humor. And now I am laughing. He deleted me. I wish I had that button in real life! :)

Yep I used to watch that show while drinking too. Then I kind of surpassed the hot messes on that show...and I was WORSE than they were. It happened fast too. Thank God I quit. Please dust yourself off and try again.

Hugs.