A really dark place....
 

Not sure what's up. I went on a bender this past weekend after doing so well. Its almost like I subconsciously go to the liquor store and walk out with a bottle. Next thing I know Monday morning rolls aroud and I managed to hammer most of a handle. Its weird like that... Anyways, I feel so unfulfilled right now, like I am in a dark place. I wish spring would come so I can get outside.

Not sure how to explain it.

It's the alcohol. It causes anxiety and depression. Hope you can find a way to stop.

I understand the pull of drinking at times. At 27 days I still have it. I bought a bottle last night but poured it out today. Some people see that as a defeat (go figure), but I didn't drink, so it's a win.

I started a detox today. I hardly ate anything. Maybe I just need to eat something healthy. I was doing so well, felt like I had my life together, then boom!

The fact is you did drink. Addiction is crap. What can you do differently next time you pass a place that sells booze? How can you alter your sobriety plan (do you have one?). Go to an AA/SMART meeting. Talk to a therapist. Wishing for spring will not make you feel better- NOW. I empathise. Support to you, keep posting.

A detox? Like a diet detox? Your body is equipped to detox on its own - that's why we have kidneys and a liver.

Low blood sugar is a problem for a lot if not most alcoholics.

Save the detox woo snake oil for Doctor Oz and eat on a regular basis - now is not the time to cut back on food.

Detox, as in drinking lots of water to flush it all out.

Most times the problem is not the drinking itself Steve, it's us. What exactly were you doing specifically to address your recovery/addiction before you drank last time? Going to the store, buying a handle of liquor and drinking the whole thing over a weekend doesn't just "happen". You have to make several choices and take several actions consciously for that to happen.

You come here a lot and theorize about things...but have you actually put any of them into action? Like setting aside time in your day, every day, to work specifically on your recovery?

I think you are quite conscious of your decision to drink. You can try to ignore the fact that you chose to drink, and you can certainly fail to bring reason into play and not drink. But your drinking is a decision.

You have to figure out why.

You messed up, Steve.
We all have at times.
Learn from it and move on.

Whats your recovery plan look like Steve - I mean apart from posting here?

D

But you don't subconsciously do it, Steve. You make the decision you get in your car, or maybe you're already in your car, you have to decide to go in the direction of the liquor store, get out of your car, walk in to the store, get what you need, go to the check out, make the transaction, go back to your car, drive home, open the bottle and pour a glass and drink it. Every single step a conscious act you choose to follow through with.

Steve, I'm sorry for your misery. I did the same thing many times & it was exhausting. It was such a relief to be done with it for good. I kept insisting it was going to make me feel better, happier, lighter - but it did just the opposite. It brings us nothing but anxiety & dread. You don't need it. Please keep trying - you can get free.

I hope this will be the last time you have to detox.

It has been 113 days since I had a drink. I will admit the longer I am sober the more I think about drinking.

It even crossed my mind today that maybe I should try another substance to get high.

I guess I just want relief from the stresses and anxieties of life. After 27 years of drowning out my feelings with booze, it is sometimes hard to cope.

But I am staying strong - I plan to stay sober long term.

If someone could be the world champion of bull$hit, it would be me. I've been mindfu^king myself into relapse after relapse for 20 years..My last bender was supposed to last a weekend. it went FOUR years...It almost killed me. I was in the hospital with organ damage and gave myself diabetes.

I KNOW this is my last stop. Let me share this...

Getting drunk no matter the situation is always premeditated. Nobody gets struck drunk. You made a decision to give up and you did just that. Own it.

I did this philosophical dance until it almost killed me. I too was a deep thinker and found out that you can be too smart for your own good.

Keep s#it simple. Don't think. Pray. Go to a meeting or share here. Talk to a therapist or a sponsor regularly.

This is your life, man. Stop dic^ing around with the consequences. There will come a day where you can't come back. Every day matters.

I hope you feel better soon.

Not sure if you've read any of the Big Book Steve but chapter 3 discusses what you experienced over the weekend.

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

AA, Steve? It's helped alot of folks. Not my cup of tea now, but an absolute godsend in early sobriety.

Trading substances for substances yeah I know that drill was like any thing to get my fix. I had zero coping skills when I got sober it gets easier just when you find one thing that helps you cope make a note of it so you don't forget as you find more and more things you build up a toolbox of things to help you cope maybe it's a walk a cup of tea a banana or sweep the floor for the 886635374 time whatever works ya know.

Steve hang in there it happens. What happened with your fitness ideas and all that sorta thing prevents me from drinking. But I feel you on winter this time of year can be depressing spring is around the corner and trout season etc.. hiking etc..

You have not been posting as much lately and you seemed kinda down to me on your latest posts. I think someone even mentioned it on another thread, if I remember correctly.

We are all pulling for you. I appreciate your posts, maybe stick closer to the board for a bit. Good luck

When you're sick the body makes you not want to eat because its busy trying to repair the body. The same thing happens when you are on your death bed.

There are actually writings saying fasting is a good way to recover from being an alcoholic.