We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.

it happened for me, it'll happen for you as ya go along the journey, Brenda.

Woof...

Actually, a professional would not say any of that.

The problem is not this specific situation, but that you walked into it. A professional is not going to focus on a past situation, but rather on preventing future ones.

This is why I for one think therapy would be helpful. What we post here becomes part of your own inner narrative, which I think does not help you. That can end up confirming your own worst thinking rather than strengthening your own best thinking. (I think this is why more people read the thread than respond. They do not think what they would say will help.)

But a good therapist (particularly a cognitive therapist) will help you examine your own patterns so that you do not get into similar trouble in future. Nurturing better perception, thinking, and action is really what it is all about. In other words, figure out your bad mental and behavioral habits and replace them with good ones.

Many of us have been where you are, so we can offer support. But we are not psychologists or social workers. Sometimes you need someone with the right training and experience to kick-start the process.

You and others may disagree, but I think you have a strong analytical bent that can work for you in therapy. I think that if you recognize bad habits, you are the sort of person who will change them.

No one is telling you not to feel how you feel. The thing about internet forums is that you don't get to pick how your responses from others will be framed. We all communicate differently, and it can be a challenge to hear each other sometimes with different styles. You won't like everything you hear. I know I don't, but that doesn't mean I haven't learned a lot from members here who are very different from me.

I agree with miamifella. One/one therapy really helped me untangle some patterns in my relationships that I didn't even see. Once I saw them, I still felt like I couldn't control them, rather they me. Then finally, I realized how I had gotten some of the places I had found myself over the years.

Yes, but when I do say that certain remarks are making me feel worse and worse, why do people have to continue to try to get their point across to me. Find people who are open to it.

You can't control what people post, BC.

They are trying to help. If you complain, people will try to help you sort through whatever you complain about.

If you don't want replies then do a blog, not a forum post.

"Discussion" is sort of the dictionary definition of "Forum."

But they can control themselves. It's the same people persisting after I've asked for it to stop. I'm done before I actually get banned for repeatedly having to be warned against instigating.

Hi Brenda :)

If you think a post breaks the rules

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ting-tips.html

you can report it by hitting that posts report button..http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ons/report.gif

If not, you can employ the ignore function.

Dee
Moderator
SR

Brenda, if it's all becoming a bit too convoluted - maybe just ask the mods to close the thread for you? You can start up another one at any time, as you know. And / or join other people's discussions about similar kinds of ongoing problems - I know I often find doing that much more helpful, for myself. I tend to analyse everything in my life, not just in this community! And that includes the responses I receive about becoming stuck in the analysing.

I remember how, many many years ago, an ex-partner - who, for all his faults and flaws, just like me - was able to call me out one especially torturous period: he said something like - 'this is like being a mouse on a wheel, endlessly spinning'.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts and experience. I hope you can find time to do some soothing things for yourself, and to give your Self a break.
x Vic

oops, I cross-posted with Dee's thing about the ignore button.

Anyway, BC, do consider my suggestion about taking time to participate in others' threads about similar kinds of feelings and / or situations - I forgot to add that, for me, when I do that, it gives me that little extra bit of perspective and being able to step back from that mouse-wheel.

Remember that self-care / soothing thing, too. It can be a life-saver.
x

If you find that people are saying things or repeating things that you do not find helpful, then do not respond.

I notice that many people on this thread (and others) seem to think that saying the same thing again will get a different response.

But if you do not respond, they will not feel the need to restate.

And picking and choosing what you want to engage with is probably a very good thing. Just because someone writes, does not mean you need to acknowledge.

It's just baffling. I am aware that I'm being defensive. What is pointing that out to me supposed to accomplish? And multiple people pointed it out. And every time I :headbange

They are not necessarily thinking about "accomplishing" anything with their comments. The people responding here are not professionals. They are just ordinary folk like you who find their impulses triggered.

So notice what you have in common with them--and if there is something you share, then strike up a conversation. If you just find them annoying, do not engage. They are just as impulsive, emotional and fallible as you. Just have compassion for them and move on.

Everyone is trying to help. It is not their fault (or yours) if they do not succeed.

Right and I appreciate that, you along with them, are saying the things you think are helpful.

There have been many reminders in this thread to keep personal arguments out of the public forums. Since it has continued despite those reminders, the thread is now closed and some posts have been removed as well.