If you have decided you want the misery to stop and are willing to go to any lengths to make that happen, get back to AA, find a sponsor, and take the 12 steps to recovery.

It could be that you feel hopeless. That is a major PLUS for the transformational recovery that AA program offers. The knowledge that I had nothing left to loose and everything to gain helped enormously.

Conversely, my ego and pride(false) were major barriers because they wouldn't let me do what needed to be done. When they were destroyed (by the booze)and I was in that positon of helplessness, those were the circumstances that allowed permanent recovery.

So..... Is today the last day that you allow yourself the pleasure of going to the darkest depths of hell and back.? At Least for me that's what drinking is. If so be safe, lock yourself in the house so you don't get in any trouble, and pray you make it back ok. Then tomorrow be fully committed to stopping. I truly wish you the best of luck:Val004: and I a not in any way being sarcastic. You will be so much happier sober.
Jess

Thank you for that brilliant post. It truly is insane, isn't it? And for all my saying my quit day is tomorrow I have not picked up yesterday or today. Your post really hit home and made sense to me.

Glad you are doing well today Windancer!

Congrats on 2 days sober winddancer!

Good for you Windancer. We are all different and right now you are at a turning point.... Good for you!!!!
Jess

So today is day three. That is better than waking up in a panic this morning wondering what horrific acts I committed yesterday.

Good for you!

Yep, even a "bad" sober morning is much better than a hung over/anxiety filled/hungover one. Congrats on day 3!

How's it going Windancer?

I'm familiar with the cycle of chaos...
 

I, too, am feeling a great deal of regret and shame mixed with a profound longing to "get off this crazy train." Just know that you aren't alone. I've been sober for just under 24 hours, so I can't speak with any real authority, but we have to believe that things will get better. We have to work hard, never give up, and have a little hope.