Are you willing to do "anything" so as to get and stay sober?
 

This question is asked of many newcomers to sobriety.
Most will say sure but.
I don't wish to give that or that or that up.

No, I don't want to stop going to the bars.
No, I don't wish to give up my wretched drinking friends.
No, I don't wish to leave that crazy drunk man or woman.
No, I don't wish to attend AA meetings.
No, church is not for me.

Church -- interesting that we touched on that one.
Many will say that, "I tried that and it didn't work for me.
And then when questioned regarding religion,
they seem to truly not understand the Gospel.

Yes, many times the drunk while in pain will call out for help
only to say in the end -- not that particular kind of help.

Self deception seems to be one of our worst enemies ???

M-Bob

Great thread. Willingness is mightier than the sword!! :)

Hi Bob I think the Gospel is Spiritual and man invented religion . IMO.

Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006

When I first got sober, I was willing to do anything to save my marriage . . .
including getting sober.
But I couldn't do it on my own.
So, I was willing to go (back) to AA.
I was willing to get with the programme.
Steps, service, honesty, humility, God: whatever my sponsor suggested.

Theoretically speaking:
If anyone had told me that I would have to give up my marriage in order to get sober, the answer would have been, "What would be the point in that?"
So, I guess, I wasn't willing to do anything.
Some of us have had to give up long standing relationships for sobriety's sake.
Thankfully, I did not have to make that choice.

Now that I have had more than a taste of the spiritual experience on offer to all of us (not just AA members) I can honestly say, without reservation, that I would do anything to stay sober.
That's not theoretical; as far as I am concerned.
I have proven that to myself.

Sober I am in touch with my higher power.
Drinking or using means losing that to me.

What would be the point in that?

No definitely wouldn't be willing to do "anything" to get sober. I certainly wouldn't do unethical things, I wouldn't knowingly hurt other beings for example. I also wouldn't further damage my family for my sobriety. But I would be willing to do difficult and uncomfortable things and have done so. I guess it all depends on what you mean by "anything".

I agree completely, RU12, word for word. I took a hard look at my drinking and it became clear that my drinking was leading me to all manner of unethical behaviour, like dishonesty, reckless and risky acts, that sort of thing. If I really was an ethical person who behaved in a moral way, I could no longer drink.

For me, I really didn't need to do anything new, but I did need to return to the things I already believed. I needed to go back to my own values, to my upbringing. When I looked at it like that, it all got simple for me. It was difficult to do at times, but it was very simple. I like simple.

You had me until you brought up church. I don't believe in religion, and have read my bible cover to cover and although interesting stories, are just that to me. I fully support others who have faith and love that their belief has helped them, but that is not my path.

I have done what was required, but I am mentally prepared to do whatever necessary if I fall. It has been talked about in advance. Hope it never happens.

I was willing to do anything moral so as to get sober.
Mountainman

I don't think just because someone doesn't want to go to AA or Church doesn't mean they are not sincere. Doing whatever it takes ultimately means not drinking; how a person goes about that is individual. Spirituality is highly personal and I disagree with anyone trying to lead another when it comes to that.

I was wanting to be lead. Left to my own devices I might have one more time ended up in la la land.

There are many, many good teachers and books written leading ones in several directions. Nothing wrong if I wish to read the Book and believe what is written. Many are called, few are chosen.

AA, a proven fact, not pleasing for everyone.

Whatever sober road one is on, seems to be working for them.

MM

Yep as long as it is commensurate with my ethical and spiritual beliefs

Some say that religion is the opium of the people. I chose to live drug and alcohol free these days. ;)
As far as that goes
You are an alcoholic. You just don't understand what it is to love someone who is killing themselves in front of you and making yourself sick trying to fix them.
This is why we have a forum to support friends and family members: because people just don't go around dumping their loved ones like old socks...detaching from the alcoholic or addict in your life is a slow and painful process.
My first time in recovery, I was living with a raging drunk: I stayed sober. I did earn my seat in Al Anon. It was very stressful but I learned a valuable lesson: that my sobriety is not contingent upon someone else's.
This is what I always tell the new double winners:
Put your oxygen mask on first but remember that we can achieve and maintain long term sobriety whether our loved ones are still drinking or not.

Don't take it personally.

And true, my wife did not dump me.

Are there times in which one should leave?

Bob

Actually I do know what it's like, For I have had several friends who I and others have tried to help fight their addictions. I had a girlfriend many years ago who overdosed. Several of ones that I have known in AA over my many years of attendance have died with a bottle in their hand.

4 out of 5 times on this forum when ones come in with suffering family members I will recommend going with them to an AA meeting or getting them in rehab or church or usually all of the above.

I'm working for a gentleman next week whose family member brought him to an AA meeting 8 1/2 years ago. I was at that meeting. The man has not had a drink since that day,

When I was running a muck with the liquid devil people told my wife to run away as fast as she could. She did not wish to do that and we went to Christian counseling and I have not had a drink since - over 8 years sober.

My prayers are always with the one still suffering and their family members and friends.

Many blessing sent
from
Bob

I am not taking anything personally, I am just stating my opinion on your post.
People do not need to find Jesus and leave their alcoholic partners to achieve sobriety.
Neither do they have to attend AA meetings. AA is a good program but there are many alternatives which work just as well.
The key is to accept that they can never drink safely again and want to be sober more than to be drunk. After that, whichever tool they use is up to them.

When there is abuse involved, absolutely but very often it is tricky and a lot of DV victims stay for way too long in their relationships.

I was in a relationship with a violent drunk back then. I heard the
Just leave him
and
He will get you drunk before you get him sober, leave him (or you ll end up drinking)
from quite a few male AA members.
This was absolutely unhelpful and even ridiculous considering that probably quite a few of them had partners who went through similar stuff than I did when they were still drinking.
Those were the same guys who were squirming in their seats and avoiding looking at me when I showed up at the meeting sporting a black eye (which was when I ended the relationship btw).

Thankfully, I found Al Anon and I had some wonderful friends who just supported me.
Through personal recovery and through listening to others e.s.h I was able to find the strength to end the relationship and move on with my life.

"Anything" and "Any Lengths" are poor word choices (and IMO these words are sometimes used by some to control people new to sobriety).

In my opinion, no one is willing to do "anything" to get sober. However, many people are willing to do very difficult and uncomfortable things to get sober, and many people are willing to make extreme sacrifices to get sober.

In my experience, no one needs to be "willing to do anything" to get sober. They need only be willing to work hard and make sometimes make significant life changes to get sober.

This

I totally agree. People do not have to give up their "core" (their values, their beliefs, which may be secular or humanistic) to get well. On the contrary -- it seems tapping into those is a common thread among the successfully sober.

But I do believe addicts need to be ready to pay a very high price to ransom their lives back. Unfortunately, they often aren't willing to move a single pebble in the landscape of their lives to allow that change to happen. Won't try anything new, won't change any patterns.

Me? I put life on hold for over three weeks and went into hock to raise money for a treatment insurance doesn't cover. It was a five-digit price tag and worth every penny! Oh, yeah... I'd tried everything else and I was ready to go ALL IN.

Very well stated.