Procrastination
 

I am 55, a mom to two daughters, 11 and 22, have a seriously demented and extremely emotionally abusive ex, and a nice new guy (unusual for me, I know).

I have fought off a lot of demons over my life -- cigarettes and substances when I was young, very serious clinical depression in the middle, and most recently alcohol. I have always sought out people who are critical (hence the Ex) and have serious trouble accepting anything positive, including money, and tend to run away every time success or financial security knocks at my door.

I am not sure where this need to self destruct comes from, but I have decided that rather than spend a lot of time searching for the cause, my goal is to find peace of mind, which is MUCH tougher than it sounds. Impossible for many, and darn difficult for everyone.

In my quest for peace of mind, I have found a huge road block in my procrastination. I seem completely unable to stay on task, which has gotten worse with every other demon I slay. Its like I have to do something to kick my ass, so every time something looks up in other areas, the time suck steps in to take up the slack. The result is that I am in serious trouble if I don't make a change now.

Hence the reason for my post -- Too Shabby and I were chatting on Cows thread about our shared problem with keeping time, and decided rather than hijack that terrific place, to start a thread to try and keep each other on task, and we hope that others with this issue will join as well.

Research shows that a lot of the same issues that drive alcohol and other substance abuse drives procrastination, which is a much more complex phenomenon than it is given credit for, so hopefully having a place to remain accountable will help.

Hopefully together we can be stronger.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procrastination

Wiki has some interesting things to say about it.

procrastinate doctor/dentist...I do that..

I have to set goals and apply some pressure to myself to get motivated. I am at my best at high stress challenging situations. If it's not urgent..who cares? I don't get crap done on my days off anymore. I think I need to have a schedule or something.

Hello Dropsie,

I seem to SUFFER from the same (certainly similar) ailment.
I often 'force' myself to do what needs to be done, but when I get overwhelmed (stay overwhelmed?) my mind seems to lock up, and I avoid doing what I know I need to be doing ... and that creates the 'life condition' of ALWAYS doing the most URGENT task, which is due largely to my 'procrastination'. I like the saying - Procrastination is Sloth in 5 syllables - but it seems to more deeply systemic than just being 'slothful', which I don't characterize myself as. My best assessment is as I said above, when I am overwhelmed I tend to lock-up.

Some things that helped me in early sobriety, and continues to help me now also:
When I get mentally and emotionally 'locked-up' I focus on 2 things - Do the Next Right Thing ... and the Sister action ... Do the Next Thing that Needs to be Done.

I also play this thought process out (which is based on the cheesy commercial)
+ My Feelings = Low Priority
+ Doing the Work that needs to be done = High Priority
(Steps, Prayers, Quiet-Mind Meditation ... and doing whatever day-to-day tasks of Living Life on Life's Terms)
+ Doing the Work when not feeling very enthusiastic = PRICELESS

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and as productive as I hold myself accountable to be ... thru Doing the Work

Thanks for the Post Dropsie

PS - as for your critical & oppressive situations and personal feelings - I like the Scripture - You Lord are a Shield for Me, You are My Strength and the Lifter of My Head
I Pray for God to shine the Sunlight if His Spirit into your Soul and Spirit :shine8pl:

Hi Dropsie, It must be the moon! Just last night I was thinking about posting for this very same subject. One of our esteemed SR co-members once mentioned that procrastination increases dopamine (?) in the brain. And last night I sat down to work and ended up searching for new perfumes for a few hours (!) instead.

Over the past month I have been dragging out a deadline and generally being totally unproductive when I sit down to write. One month ago I estimated that it would take me 3hours of focused and solid concentration to complete. The deadline is tomorrow morning and I am still waiting to feel the ton of pressure to actually complete this thing!

This means that I have been thinking about (but not doing) this thing for an entire month when I could have just gotten it out of the way. It is ridiculous.

Dropsie, you wrote that "everytime something looks up in other areas, the time suck steps in to take up the slack." Can you give an example of this?

I look forward to reading everyone's experience and responses. Thanks!

Great idea for a thread, thanks! Now that I'm not drinking, I can't seem to get things done. That worries me a lot. Like your thoughts, RDB.

I should be hanging up laundry and cooking.

How did I get here:

reading about what I am doing.

Like a mirror within a mirror.

Procrastination: the thief of time.

Back to work now.

I mean: NOW!

I'd like to join this thread!

I'm a lifelong procrastinator. But at the moment I'm starting my own business. Partially because I messed up my career, and this seems to be the easiest approach to getting it started again (sounds strange but I found myself freelancing and decided, easier to build on this than try to explain my way back onto the ladder). Which is a terrible idea... um, exciting opportunity for growth... for a person like me.

Right now I'm trying to do an online course to clean up some of my rust spots in one area of expertise. It's a six hour video, so, probably eight hours when you add in time for note-taking and experimenting. Not a simple project, but that has been my top priority since mid-day Friday and I'm still only about halfway through. Not. Good. I need to be fully back up to speed on this stuff by a meeting on Wednesday, and I know that's going to include at least one or two more refresh courses, so I need to move.

I'm not at all surprised that it's similar to drinking/addiction... it certainly makes me feel worse before, after, and at least partially during, and I do it anyway.

I also found out (while procrastinating yesterday!) that not only is this stuff important for life success in general, it's important for sobriety! I found a study that tied sobriety at 16 years out to:

1. Seeing one's drinking as a significant problem
2. Self-efficacy (which means the ability to be in high-risk situations without drinking)
3. Using approach coping rather than avoidance coping behaviors

The last means dealing with uncomfortable situations by doing something positive that lessens the stress of the situation, rather than just purely distracting oneself until it goes away (which, it doesn't).

So, as I plan on staying sober, I need to get a hold on this situation. Thanks for starting this thread!

Parkinson's Law: Procrastination is the deadliest form of denial.

Hey I have a crazy ex too! Quite a wind-up she was in her subtle way.

And indeed peace of mind is hard for us in the 'developed' world, and alcohol is a very easy if false answer.

Perhaps explore your passions further and find your own meaning in life, rather than let too many influences from a screwed up society tell you what to think.

How I see it anyway.

Hi Dropsie, if you have some links to that research about the correlation between additiction and procrastination I'd love to read it.

Thanks for the post.

Thanks to everyone who posted for getting on board.

As requested, I will send a reference to the materials I was mentioning about the link between procrastination and addiction.

Concerning my personal need to self destruct, there are many examples, but one that comes to mind is that I worked all the hours that God gives during my eldest youth to become a partner in my law firm, which is a huge deal, and then quit when one of my colleagues was not nice to me to start all over. Really?? This was insane by anyone's standards, even my own, but at the time seemed to make perfect sense.

re the time suck stepping in, ever since I quit drinking I simply cannot self motivate, or maybe I never could but just now don't have something else to blame. I have hundreds of stories just like fantails, which was a great post by the way, but I just cannot get to it and I think it all boils down to my need to create the circumstances of failure, just like booze did. Plus a healthy dose of not wanting to do what someone else tells me to and major avoidance behaviors.

What they are learning about procrastination is that at its core it is more a personality or psychological problem than an organizational problem, although personally I have both!! Lucky me.

OK so now for the accountability part -- I have ten major things to get done this week and I will do three today and check in with an update -- anyone going to join me? Fantail?? Too Shabby??

Thanks again for all your thoughts -- I love this place.

Whoops, in a rare case of doing something too quickly, that got away too soon. Also wanted to say that I loved RDB's master card analogy, which I am going to use, and that I can completely relate to Verte's point that in the end the frustrating thing is that the task itself is always so much easier than the pain we put ourselves through putting it off. I am always saying to myself -- now that was not so hard.

I also try and do the whole play it forward thing, and tell myself that I need to act so that my future self can be happy. Works sometimes...

Hi Dropsie! Off to bed after a manic day and just saw this - awesome! Will reply properly tomorrow. I'm in!

For me I discovered my procrastination is linked strongly to my inner fears. When growing up perfection was like a whip from my parents who had good intensions but poor methods.
As a result my head says be careful and be perfect so I procrastinate by avoiding things done many times before like changing spark plugs or washing the car etc. along with that comes the message “what will people think?” I know I shouldn’t care but sometimes these things pop up and need to be addressed logically by me.

BE WELL

IOAA2,

I did not have perfectionist parents, but somehow acquired a very strong need for the approval of others.

A great read for me was the book Awareness by Anthony De Mello, which was recommended by someone on SR (PDF is free on the internet). He stresses among other things that you can't ever have peace of mind if you depend on others for your feeling of self worth, because you have no control over what others think so no matter how hard you try so you are constantly trying to control something that you can't sooooo no peace.

You hear this all the time, but that book really struck home for me how much of my life had been spent seeking the approval of others, and that if I was really going to find the peace and happiness I was seeking that had to change.

Very very difficult in practice after more than five decades of caring intensely what others think and never facing the fact that the real point is what I think -- what would I do if no-one was looking (because really they aren't)?

Net net, still a work in progress but the more I can let go of my approval seeking, the less I procrastinate, because down deep inside I know that its better for me to get my finger out and act.

I often think how truly insightful the Serenity prayer is to people of all faiths, or none. If we really let go of everything we cannot control, which is everything except ourselves, and focus on what we can, which is ourselves (and our relationship to the Universe if you believe in that), we really have shot at peace, real peace.

So, re my accountability thread, one thing down two to go -- keep your fingers crossed for me.

I'll join in the accountability. So I did manage to finish most of the course yesterday, at least enough so that I was able to start practicing the work itself. I didn't sleep much, because work is like alcohol for me... none, or way too much... but if I have to choose between the two I'd rather encourage my workaholic side than my lazy side.

So by Wednesday I have to have a pretty competent first version of a project that includes both design and content. I'm going to commit to getting the design ready by the end of the day. And I'm also going to commit to not indulging my perfectionist side (me too, IOAA!) by spending way too much time trying to get it just right when I only need a rough version at this point. I'll check in later.

Hmm this is a great topic indeed and one I've dug pretty deep into. Procrastination was the primary reason why I started therapy in early sobriety (~1.5 year ago) and since then I've worked on it with two different therapists using different approaches -- I feel I've learned a lot. I would have a great deal to say about it, just unfortunately no time right now. Will just share this link that I think is useful, not only for creative types:

5 Tips for Getting Things Done and Self Motivation for Artists, Producers & DJ's « Dubspot BlogDubspot Blog

http://blog.dubspot.com/10-tips-to-f...-productivity/

I've also found Eric Maisel's book Mastering Creative Anxiety very helpful in the past and it's also written in an interesting way with teaching tales etc.

If I can make one suggestion as a primer, it would be to try and identify your unique, personal pattern of procrastination and if possible, figure out where the blocks come from (the sources). Some people believe there are universal reasons why we procrastinate and a few might be true, but from all I have seen and experienced, to me these are quite individual, just like our sources of inspiration and motivational structures (which also have universal elements of course, rooted in biology and probably in how society works). I traced mine back very far, even to phases of my early life that I did not even remember in the beginning. Very helpful insights and it's been much easier to build strategies on getting to know myself in this area and how it's actually interconnected with other issues I tend to have. And I think simply reciting "action action action" or "just do it" does not work at all -- if it did, we would not procrastinate.

And of course no surprise that people like us with addictions and a tendency to want instant gratification often also have a tendency to procrastinate things that do not provide us that way. Just like we procrastinate getting sober over drinking/drugging and relapses.

Alleyce -- Great post, I will check out those sources and would love to hear more when you have time about your journey. I had so many issues to address in therapy that procrastination has not gotten the attention it deserves given the hell it makes my life. Oh if it were only so easy as saying DO IT...

Fantail -- great job on that. I can also say that I got my three things done, which is great for me, now seven more to go by Friday... its a start, maybe this accountability thing has legs.

TS -- how is it shaking down under??

It's shaking pretty bad, Dropsie. Just got back from a couple of errands I had to do.....that's one thing down. I have a HUGE backlog of work to do, and I am now so terrified about it I'm going to have put my head down today and do some of it. I think the thread is helping me with that - helping me face the truth about what I am (or am not) doing. I intend to wax a little philosophical about procrastination once I have this day out of the way. For now, I'm in trouble and have to move. What I want is to become someone who can do things BEFORE the you know what hits the fan. I agree that addicts, instant gratification, and procrastination are associated.

Okay, here goes......and thank you so much for this thread!!

Well, today was a mixed bag. I succeeded in not procrastinating... I worked my butt off all day. But I didn't finish my goal task. Partially because a few last minute calls came in for time sensitive things, partially because it's just proving to be harder than I hoped, and partially because I'm a bit fried from being up all night. Sigh. Here too I need to get on moderation!

Hopefully a good night's sleep tonight will have me primed for success tomorrow.

Mixed bag for me too, worked a lot, but not as much progress as I hoped.

Tomorrow is another day.

TS,

How are you doing?? I saw that yesterday was a tough one for you.

Anything we can do??

Thinking of you.

So thankfully the client pushed back our meeting, because I am so far from done. I've been working hard, though. At one point I was diagnosed with ADD and I just thought, "nope, I'm a drunk so I'm always working hungover". Maybe there was more to it than that. Or maybe it's just one more way that early sobriety is making life difficult. Or another option is that I assumed that this stuff would be super easy sober, when in fact it's fairly complex. Who knows. But definitely if I hadn't procrastinated all weekend I wouldn't be in this spot.

Hope you're OK, TS.

Thanks guys. Yes, Dropsie, yesterday was awful. Marginally better today. I did get a lot done the day before yesterday which was good. I think I'm not busy enough. I'm only working two days a week at the moment and it's not enough. If I'm not busy I just grind to a halt. There's plenty to be done around the house but finding it so hard to get going.

That's great the meeting was pushed back, Fantail. Phew :-) How are you going, Dropsie?

Hey guys, well I was half way though a post and it disappeared so will try again.

I am sorry for the radio silence, but I had to give a speech at a conference yesterday so had my head down. But I have been thinking of you.

Now I have my head down for another reason, I have something really important to get done for work and I just can't seem to do get up the courage to do it. Its weird because 20 years ago I could and would have done it easily, but now seems completely insurmountable and I am not sure why.

I am thinking back to what Alleyce said about trying to figure out what is stopping me, really, and I am sure I am afraid that it will not be good enough, and that this si something I should be able to do flawlessly, then I guarantee that it won't be by delaying actions -- probably because I don't think I deserve to succeed.

Last ten years have been rough on the work and personal front and I have had to deal with a lot of failure, which has taken its toll on me.

Wow it kind of helped to get that out there -- I am going to do my best on this document for the four hours I have. Thanks.

I struggle with this one too, and it's a big deal because I'm self employed. I try to remember the saying that procrastination is not just the thief of time, it's the thief of life. And the quality of your life outside of work depends on the quality of your time management during work. So why am I on this forum again? :herewego

lol Fluffer, and I like that quote...SO true.

Dropsie, I'm rushing out right now so don't have time for a long post. My advice would be just begin. I don't know about you, but for me beginning is the hardest part. Try saying to yourself I am just going to work on it for 15 minutes, then I can stop if I want to. See if that gets you kick started....good luck! Thinking of you. You can do it!!!

Dropsie, I very much relate to that. I went through a really bloody lay off about 3 years ago and I've really never regained my confidence. A lot of my procrastination comes from that place of self doubt. Intellectually I know that what I need is to really apply myself so that I get my momentum back... instead I just skated (and drank) for a long time. Trying really hard now to give it my all, as scary as that is. But yeah. Prior to that, I still wasn't the most organized person, but I was still pretty full-speed ahead because I'd never actually failed. I'm really only coming to terms now with just how huge that experience was for me.

Thanks for posting that, it's good food for thought!

Thanks for your posts -- I did get on it and feel much better. There are many more rounds to go on the project, but as you said, now that its in process it seems to have a natural momentum to keep going.

On the deeper issues, I am always amazed at how much we all force ourselves to examine issues that others that do not have addiction issues would not and force ourselves to face our deep dark truths, which in itself is not easy. Add to that we are here because we have "issues" and we should all pat ourselves on the back.

Thanks guys and gals.

I was thinking about that this morning. I work in retail on the side and was laughing at myself that somehow stocking breakfast pastries turned into a meditation on the meaning of life. It's definitely a chicken-or-egg question... am I constantly caught up in existential angst because I'm an alcoholic? Or did I drink to deal with my constant existential angst??