Yes! It does come out in the strangest ways, lol. Well put :)

Running, yeah, well I don't know why I started running. Maybe for some sense of accomplishment?

I need exercise for mental health probably more so than for physical health :lmao but why did I pick running?? Because I'm nuts, lol.

It puts me in a meditative state. I can think clearly. My brain whizzes as I run. It helps me work through things.

The weirdest way it comes out for me is when I'm dishing up dinner. I get *so* wound up about whether I've given each person the 'perfect' sized portion for them, and whether it's all 'fair'. I am happy to compromise my own portion, so that's a bit telling. I don't have any OCD tendencies, so it's not that. My partner likes to tease for a laugh and say "Oh, I see. I have the smallest one." It does reduce the tension somewhat. But yes, it's pretty strange....

That seems fairly normal, TS.

I am one of those weirdos who can't tolerate things being out of alignment. I move my furniture and wall hangings so that they are as close to perfect angles as possible. I'm embarrassed to say it, lol. But it's true.

:dee

lol....I will straighten other people's pictures in their own houses if I know them well enough. With an apology, of course :-)

:lmao

Fantail, I love Alicia Keys! And U are right that the process of quitting drinking is so isolating...or the self examination of it, what U wrote. I also believe thats when i seem to pick up alcohol again, cuz im lonely and isolated and feeling sorry for myself, and/or bored. So yeah, this Forum is a really good idea to combat those things.

I just noticed the Alicia Keys Video posted is GIRL ON FIRE. I love that tune and Empire State of Mind w/ Jay Z just Rules! Alicia Keys is SO Talented. i think shes Great

I think she's great too, although I don't know very much of her music. I've seen her perform a couple of times on T.V. and I thought she seemed genuinely talented and classy.....as *well* as gorgeous. Uncommon!

Hello all,

Fantail, so great that you are on top of things, wonderful to hear.

Well as usual I am against the gun for an important deadline this weekend. I can do it, provided that I don't start to hate myself over it, which is my MO. Or spend too much time hanging with my SR buddies, which is great when its not being used as an excuse to self destruct.

I loved Fantail's point about navel gazing, which is so true, but for now mine is focused on all the complications around my work and related finances, which is clearly self destruction, with a subset of procrastination, fear, approach avoidance -- you name it, I've got it at the moment in these areas.

The more important the project or the bill the less I can make myself face it, even knowing that the longer I wait the more disaster becomes the likely result.

Writing it down always makes me realise how truly crazy and childish it is, but does not necessarily make it easier to change.

I am finding that it is helpful if I kindly tell my Self destructive voice that I am not going to listen to her, sorry, so sad, too bad, you lose cause I am never going to delay something that I need to do ever and I am never going to change my mind, so go bug someone else.

The weird part is that right now, this makes me more uncomfortable than saying the same abut drinking, which I guess is a huge step forward in that department, but makes me realise just how ingrained my other issues are.

I will keep you posted on how its going -- I am going to try to do a Soberpotamus (spelled properly) and put my head down and get through this.

Have a great weekend.

Dropsie, I think you are on the right track. In time, you will become more gentle with yourself, and that negative harsh self-destructive voice will quiet down.

I found that once I dropped the self-destructive drinking, things self-adjusted to some degree, as far as that negative self-talk. It just kind of withered.

I still do it on occasion, but it's so much easier to catch it now. It's easier to identify as that part of me that no longer fits in with my actions and new life.

It will atrophy :)

Soberpotamus,

Thanks, one lives in hope.

The self destruction has been with me for so long, its hard to imagine a life with out it, but the thought is so liberating that one has to try.

Thank you. How are you today??

It's been a leisurely day so far. I had strawberry shortcake and coffee for breakfast, and last night's leftover pasta & grapes for lunch. Caught up on emails, Twitter, and the forums here. Husband is off to walk the dogs for a while, and I'm about to do some reading for a few hours.

Later, I'll run or bike, and hopefully squeeze in another load or two of laundry.

Probably making stuffed peppers for dinner.

Keep hopeful. It really just takes some time :) There's a great link on this forum someone posted yesterday about anxiety, and negative memories and self-talk. I'm going to repost it here.

Thanks, Soberpotamus, I'll have a good read of that.

Dropsie, I can't believe how similar my procrastination problem is to yours - write down to the letter. I'm starting to think you're my evil twin >:-D

I really hope it goes the same course as Sober's and atrophies along with our drinking habit....here's to hoping and to digging in!

Did you have a good night, Fantail?

Shabs posted some great photos and downloads of Fantail birds on Trach's diary thread yesterday.

Everyone should check them out as they will make you smile.

Not much to much to add, just missing my buds.

How can I use you an excuse to proscrastinate ....

Those were fun to watch. I enjoyed the little beeping sounds they were making. :)

Hi everyone!

They are such little cuties those fantails :-)

Soberpotamus, I had a quick look at that link you posted. Looks really substantial....fantastic. I'm going to read it more thoroughly when I get the chance.

Dropsie, how are you going on the getting stuff done front? I've started trying to do things bit by bit, rather than thinking I'm going to sit down for hours without moving. It seems to be helping a smidgen (that's weird, I thought smidgen had an 'o' in it). I was always more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner!

Hello everyone!! Sorry for going MIA.

I went to a meditation retreat this weekend. It was really great. At one point we did I think about 4 hours at a stretch. Overall though it was the better part of two 9 hour days! Wow. I've done sessions like that before, but not for many years.

It had me thinking a bit of the avoidant tendencies we've talked about here... it was so incredible to me that I was capable of just sitting with myself for that long. Towards the end of my drinking, even just not having something to focus on for a minute frightened me. The anxiety was so out of control that even being in the shower or brushing my teeth was pushing it for length of time I could spend without a distraction. It felt pretty amazing to just let my thoughts happen, let them go, etc, for such long periods of time.

Anyway, so I practiced up on mental discipline :) And now I have to do a presentation of a massive project tomorrow. I thought it'd be done a month ago. Partially that's procrastination and partially just a ridiculously naive initial assessment of the project scope and my technical skills.

It's a classic perfectionist's presentation though... The things I have done are immaculate, complicated, and meticulously researched. And then there's the other 60% of what needs to be done. Oops.

Thankfully I did this one as a volunteer. This type of work encompasses but expands on the stuff I normally do... to do something like this in the past I would've worked with a couple of other people. So I'm excited to begin offering this solo... but so glad that I tried it out before I started charging people!!

OK. Back to the grind. The big challenge right now is keeping my attention focused on the big picture things that I need to make the presentation work, not all the details. There's that ADHD again.

Dropsie, did you make your deadline?

^^^Funny :-D

That retreat sounds amazing, and those stretches are impressive! I love the whole meditation/mindfulness thing. It really appeals to me too. Avoidance of all forms...distraction, alcohol etc...just never work, do they? They just end up causing more problems.

Good luck for tomorrow!!!!