Fear is good when walking down a dark alley at night. Not so much other times. For me fear was always about loss of control. Now when fear creeps in I ask myself what can I control? With finances it can be learning to cook from scratch, coupon, shopping loss leaders. Going over debts and renegotiating terms, getting quotes on new insurance, increasing deductibles. I have learned for me financial problems can usually be solved quite simply by taking care of how I spend it.

As far as working maybe look into teaching an adult enrichment class, lots of community colleges have these and you don't need a degree to teach them. Sell off an old collection of stuff you have that you no longer care for. Become a flea market seller of stuff.

Don't be afraid, be empowered.

LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES
All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own
right.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49

"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was
there." I don't know to whom this quote should be
attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is
an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly
thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I
didn't know that one of the definitions of "courage" is "the
willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear." Courage,
then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
During the times I didn't have love in my life I most
assuredly had fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In
looking back, I realize that, during the times I feared God
most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned not to fear
God, I also learned to experience joy.
--


when i was diagnosed with cancer......well, honestly a few days later when the severity of the situation got from my head to my heart....... this reading saved my ass.
i had so many feelings going on which caused me to become soooooo dammed afraid. i got sober 13 months prior because if i didnt i was going to kill myself and now these docs are sayin i have a 19% chance of living 5 more years????
no fear of death, just the timing. fear of the future. fear of no future. insecurities galore.
everything generating fear and, the major contributor how i got through, i didnt want it.

for some reason, after talkin to many people in aa, reading this,that, and the other- when i was completley frustrated because i wasnt hearing/reading anything tnat made sense- i whipped open the book this is in a d right to this page and it all made sense.
turned it over to God and put him in the pilots seat.
kicked Him out a few times along the journey. i dont do good inthe pilots seat.

i have had fear stike quite a few times through the fight with cancer and after, mostly fears beyond today. things i bave no control over.
and get me some gratitude to help me through it.
may sound scewed up, but im certain there is someoen out there that would love to be in my shoes and have my life.

Much of this fear/insecurity mode for me is deeeeep rooted from infant to………
My parents were not alcoholic and were raised in the big depression when bread was sometimes considered gold and they walked the RR tracks for spilled coal for cooking and heat.

My mother was a constant worrier from financial to catching a cold because of not wearing a hat or scarf. Recently I suddenly recalled her constantly starting sentences with “WHAT IF?”
Talk about installing fear into the subconscious, especially when it started as an infant.

This is my reason for saying work and change is so important for long lasting recovery. To me simply not drinking without changing the reasons we drank is usually not successful in the long run. JMO

BE WELL

I need to make at least one decision each week (business related) which I find stress/fearful. Fortunately, I usually have someone I can run the problem by before making a decision.

Over time I've learned not to panic (too quickly that is...) and work to prepared myself if the situation should return. On the other hand when things happened which are completely out of my control that's that. I don't have to like it but I try not to dwell on what I can't change. (Or just not as long as before.)

I also need to go easier on myself. I've made plenty of mistakes in sobriety but I've also done o.k. as well. I keep the AA program simple: I change what I can, accept what I can't and if I don't know the difference (which is often the case in business) I ask for help.

Cant say Ive really figured that one out yet. One thing Ive been meaning to do for well over a DECADE now is doing meditation CONSISTENTLY, but still just havent managed to do that for whatever reason.

As you kind of mentioned, procrastinating (something I have a huge issue with unfortunately, like an addiction in of itself) is actually a poor strategy and just makes the stress/fear/etc. worse.

This is a great thread. And lots of wonderful posts.
I'm dealing with fear and anxiety right now. Deep fear.
My job will disappear in 3 months - the company is closing. I know I'll have to take a sever cut in pay when I get another job. This will probably wipe me out financially.
I will most likely be able to afford some kind of shelter and healthcare. I know I should be grateful for that but it still scares me to my bones.
Unfortunately, because I isolated myself with my drinking I have no real friends to confide in. So I started going to AA a couple days ago just to be around people.
the meetings help.
But the fear and depression are so strong it's hard just to get out of bed.

This thread is good because I can see others that have dealt with it and done OK.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Fear has been a less familiar emotion for me, more often I struggle with anger, at least on a conscious level. But if I look a little more deeply, underneath the anger is often fear ...

Right now I have fear about my elderly parents' well-being, as they're both going through health crises. So fear is coming up in a big way. I'm not so much afraid of them dying ... they're in their 80s and of course that day will come at some point. More I'm afraid of their suffering ... it's hard for me to tolerate watching them be uncomfortable, in pain, or frightened for themselves and each other.

So I'm trying to use the tools that others have posted about. A big one is focusing on just today. At the moment I've done everything I can to comfort them, and others are temporarily taking over their care. There's nothing more for me to do at the moment. So my job today is to take care of myself, rest, and try to let go of my fears and worries. When worries about "what will happen next" come up, I try to let them go. And/or turn them over to a higher power. I'm still new to this, so it's a learning process right now.

Thank you for the thread and everyone's helpful posts.

I have kind of pat answer when I start to feel fear creep in = when I am dead for a hundred years it is just the start of how long I will be dead.......

Not trying to be morbid, but it helps readjust my perspective. It's only life, I try not to take it so seriously.

I can live in fear or faith. If I am living in fear and trying to get to the other side, taking action in faith helps me break through the fear.

With my finances, I simply do not procrastinate anymore. I contact creditors and tell them what I can and cannot do - then live up to it. If worse came to worse there are laws to help me through really bad scenarios.

As has been stated the vast majority of my fears never materialize.

Keep on truckin gang!!!!

Nice one

For me, squelching fear is living in the moment and stopping my mind from going wild over scenarios that, as you mentioned, almost never happen.

It doesn't mean the fear thoughts disappear, but that I know what to do when they pop up.

The greatest lesson I have learned about fear was with my beloved dog Cuervo my profile picture. My wife call me in a panic that a trip to the vet revealed a tumor and the prognosis was six months. I absolutely flipped out and at least had enough sense to call my sponsor who may love dogs even more than myself if that is possible.

He said, "Does she seem to be in any pain?" and I said, "No." "Is she still eating OK?" and I said, "Yes." "Does she still greet you when you come home?" and I said, "yes."

He then said something that made me very angry. He said, "I guess you don't have a problem today, do you?"

Even though he pi$$ed me off, he was absolutely right. That day I didn't have a problem. I had constructed this dooms day scenario with body parts failing off and bleeding orifices. Over about 7 months Cuervo when down hill but I was able to enjoy each day of those 7 months by not living in the fear of what might be but by living in the reality of the day. When the day finally came it was horribly sad but what a gift to have learned how to live with what was not what might be.

Little did I realize my dogs death was a primer for my daughters illness and death. The lessons learned were not forgotten and I was able to enjoy my daughter sober for the six months she was alive and to remain sober by living each day based on what was not the thought that I would never see my daughter again.

We simply do not know what God's will is and how a seeming tragic event was test run for an event so horrific that it would shake anyone's sanity and sobriety. The death of a dog is very sad. The death of your child there simply are no words for.

I am not suggesting life is easy but if we live in the day even the worse situations can be dealt with.

great post MIR - thank you :)

D

Oustanding post MIRECOVERY

:thanks

I can't think of anything worse than living with debilitating fear of "something". For me it was usually tied to my business and/or financially related. Drinking heavily was my way to deal with it. The next day the problem was still there and my anxiety and fear double or tripled. Now, not only was I living in fear but had crippling anxiety. I have been through that too many times to count. Being sober I have clarity and confidence. I still have financial issues. My wife just told me how much we owe for my surgeries and therapy (its quite a bit). In the past, I would have buried it in a bottle. Now, I just approach it with a plan, and will do my best. We'll meet our obligations, we will do whatever necessary to make it happen, but I'm not afraid of it. Its life, I have to deal with it. I do live with one fear that is present quite often. The fear of returning to my old habits with alcohol. I am afraid of that. I never want to go there again. Its scary.

On a side note, I've learned a lot about money and debt while owning my business. Financial problems can lead people to go insane, even suicide. But money is just money. Debt can be forgiven, it can ruin your credit score, it can get your car repossessed. But unless you engage in fraud or something, you won't go to jail and they won't take your house. In the end, you'll be ok.

MIR, you nailed it.

Thanks for this thread Dee.

MIR. Gosh, what your sponsor said, I would've been mad too! Then, it makes so much sense, to live in the moment.

I've got so many fears and worries about what ifs in my head at the moment. They're so feeble in comparison to you all but still the feeling is there.They haven't happened yet but I'm already full scale in my head of what ifs.

MIR - really good post. It's very hard to live in the now sometimes. But it's good to try.

Great thread. I think it is important to distinguish between anxiety and fear. When I was extremely clinically depressed, I had terrible anxiety that made life unbearable, literally. I am better now, but I still have a lot more fears than I used to that shows itself in a lot of ways -- anger, sometimes grief or sadness -- basically anything that is not peace of mind/love. So I spend a lot of time trying to focus on peace of mind/love for myself and others and casting out anxiety and fear in all its permutations. Works better some days than others, but its all part of my peace mission.

I just read MIR's amazing post, I will never forget it. The one real fear I have is losing one of my children. My youngest sister was murdered and I watched what it did to my mother, which was unbearable for me. My heart is with you and I am truly amazed at the perspective you bring to your pain and those of every parent who loses a child. Thank you.