Anyone else get a late start?
 

Hi all.
So I was reading on SR as usual. It seems a lot of people started drinking young, had these wild times and fun youth and then quit pretty early on. Or maybe in college. I was almost 30 when I started and hated drinking before that- besides which I was always a reject and had few friends until college and even then I wasn't really cool or pretty enough to go party with people. Plus I was way too anxious and self conscious after all the years of abuse and public humiliation centering on being physically unattractive. The power of collective hate aimed at one person for years by peers is devastating and lasting.
Definitely High school was hell and zero social opportunities there. I mean hell. They even threatened to expel someone who teased me so badly and he was a senior male and I was just a little freshman girl.
I was NOT to be made friends with.
So I got a late late start because I never had any friends when others did or did normal growing up things like parties, boyfriends, dances etc.
Basically due to being a social reject, ugly and also suffering abuse at home, I missed out on an entire youth.

We all come from different backgrounds, some started early and some late. What's infinitely more important though is when we quit. The past cannot be changed, nor should it be a barometer on which we base our sobriety. The best day to not drink is always today.

I was simply trying to find a way to relate to others.
My experiences have left me very alienated.
They are specific and damaging. It helps me to talk to others about it.
But I won't if you feel it's off topic.

I'm not at all suggesting that you don't discuss it. I am suggesting that you be careful not to use it as justification for drinking or drugging though. Each one of us have skeletons in our closet...abuse, neglect, disabilities, psychological issues, you name it. We should acknowledge them and seek help for them as appropriate, but view them as distinct issues. Addiction is a separate issue and should be treated as such.

Often, more often than not, addiction does not simply just happen. Usually there is a trauma or an incident or build up that leads a person to drinking. These are some of mine. I don't believe addiction is always as simple as being spontaneous.

:hug: I never drank in high school but made up for lost time afterward and drank a lot. I got sober the first time in my thirties and stayed sober for twenty years before starting to drink again at age 57.

I had an unhappy experience in high school too, tho I didn't have the challenge of abuse to add to it. I was not popular at all and tho I don't think I was ugly, I was more like nondescript. Not deserving of a second look. :(

I used to wear a lot of make up in high school then got rid of it when I got out and never used it again.

Personally, I also feel that identifying these issues and trying to heal them helps me gain the self respect not to drink- so for me, and maybe others who had similar experiences- they are not that separate, they are very much entwined.

Of course all your issues are your issues. No one is trying to say you didn't have angst or that your feelings aren't valid.

What is being said is that it doesn't matter what the reasons were for your start to drinking. It matters that you stop drinking if you ever hope to learn to put those past experiences that were painful to you into a more healthy perspective.

Past pain simply cannot be processed while drinking.

Sleepie, there are some here who drank who had really good upbringing. They were popular and attractive. They may have had money or great family relationships and yet became alcoholics. It doesn't matter if they started at 9 or 49...and I've seen both. There are some here who were abused in cults, sexually and physically abused by their peers and their family. Some became homeless due to their circumstances or their addictions. There are many different stories, rapes, beatings, abduction, imprisonment, mental illnesses, physical issues and disability, etc., read around the boards.

The bottom line is that whatever you suffered - someone had it worse and someone had it better, depending on your frame of reference.

Each story can be healed, by each person. We all have the ability to heal our lives.

Again, just trying to find those who relate.

I have used alcohol off and on most of my life to cope. But, I quit it because I just got tired of hating myself and wanting to drink myself to death. As long as you can love yourself nothing else matters.

I was ostracized for my parents divorce, not being Catholic, and having German ancestry. I was a high school dropout, teen mom, and married with two kids at 20. I have spent much of my life battling nearly crippling depression. I got help, online support, CBT, and medication have saved my life.

I am 42 now. Been sober 4 years now and I never knew my life could be so beautiful. Sad things, scary things, life still happens and yet I am grateful. I have my husband, kids and dogs, a roof over my head, clean clothes, and food. I am a very fortunate person.

We all relate to inner turmoil and pain, Sleepie. That's the point.

To heal it, I had to stop drinking and actively choose to make decisions that reflected a different attitude toward the inevitable crises that come up for everyone.

happybeingme that is inspiring. Thank you.
Least I know the pain of being overlooked.

I didn't have my first blackout until 35. I started abusing alcohol a few years before that. Up until that time I didn't like the feeling of being drunk and would actually throw up if I tried to drink more than 3 drinks in a sitting. I adapted through regular heavy drinking to the point were I ended up with no control.

It doesn't seem like it is that unusual either. There have been other women (probably men too) that have said the same thing. People get into the habit of having a few at night, then tolerance sets in, which changes our bodies and minds.

I didn't drink when I was young because I was isolated. Even after I moved out of the house I was too busy or just not interested in it much. I only drank when I went out to the bars and usually I would be the driver because I didn't like to drink too much. Then I got married and had a baby. I worked nights and barely had time to sleep, let alone drink. Then I moved to working afternoons and started having a few drinks after work each night to hang out with friends. A few years later I had my first blackout and I knew something had changed but I kept on drinking for another 10 years.

Wise words, Bimini, ones all of us can heed and share.

It's commonly known as late onset alcoholism. Personally, I almost never drank before I was about 30 (20 beers a year?) and used alcohol in a "normal" way for about 10 years, before being sucked into 10 years of heavy abuse.

I had lost my dad to alcohol when I was 13, so it was never going to happen to me...err... right. To be fair, I was a very responsible kid, never got drunk, even in college. What happened to my dad played a big role in that. And yet...

I don't think it matters much when it comes to the nature of our addiction, and to the solution, which for me (and I think for every alcoholic) was complete abstinence.

I was always able to have fun as a youngster without alcohol. It simply didn't play a role. And that image, that idea, that feeling made it easier for me to imagine a life without the stuff again. I guess I'm saying you can use it as an advantage?

I didn't start drinking alcoholically until I was almost 30. I was self medicating. I moved on to pain medication soon after that, but it's the same deal. I was running away, and not dealing with the pain I had. Dealing with the pain was the only way I could quit.

I started as a teenager but didn't start thinking of myself as possibly an alcoholic until I was in my 30's. That was when my drinking changed from social even if it was excessive to drinking home alone just because.

Wow guys.
Chief thank you that actually helps me to put a definition like that on it.
I was a responsible kid too.
Held it together at least passably so all things considered, til I couldn't anymore.

I didn't start drinking regularly till I was 45, after my divorce and I began having a social life. I enjoyed it and it was fun......then some tough things happened and I started drinking daily and it wasn't fun, at all. I'm just glad I stopped completely 3 years ago....you can too sleepie.

Sleepie, I am sorry to hear of the hardships you've faced. It seems circumstances deprived you of what ought to occur in every life -- a happy, secure start. I wish your early life had been better.

One thing no one can deprive you of is your basic humanity. How about using that truth as the foundation from which to build to a better life, one lived in the solution of sobriety and recovery?

Your hope and dignity belong to you, Sleepie. Sobriety can belong to you, too. You deserve a happier life.

Take care.