dui at 45 the humiliation
 

Got arrested on a dui. I only had 2 beers. I was one point over. I hurt my family by doing this. The money involved is mind blowing. I had a terrible blackout back in October and vowed to never drink again. Here a am several months later acting like I can drink. What a joke. I am so depressed I don't know if I can go on. I really don't. I need help. I am a sick lowlife. I am no good. I feel destroyed. I just hurt people. That's all I do. I have tried to be a good mom. I love them and always put them first. I wasn't putting them first when I got this dui. I can barely function. It happened out of town at my mom's. I am here since Saturday trying to get the courage and calm down enough to drive home. Fortunately my husband is able to be at home with my kids and they are older 23 and 17. I plan on going home tonight or tomorrow morning. I am struggling.

Elaine,

I am very sorry to hear of your situation. Obviously I don't know much about your history, but from what you are saying I think you are beating yourself up way too much. Where I live on any weekend night at least half the people who eat out have at least two drinks before driving home. It's not like you were driving wasted.

Having said that, it sounds like you need to stop drinking and this could be the final impetus to get it done? Perhaps this will be a turning point that changes your life for the better!

But seriously, please dial back the self loathing. It's not healthy or proportionate to the seriousness of the offense.

Welcome back Elaine. Beating yourself up isn't going to help anyone in this situation. You mentioned that you vowed to never drink again...did you follow up on that vow with any sort of formal plan or treatment? If not, now would be a great time to do so -and we can help.

You will have some issues to deal with in the coming days weeks, being sober will be a big advantage. Lots of folks here have been through the DUI process too, and we were able to survive it - you can too.

Sorry to hear of your circumstances. However, if you hadn't gotten the DUI you'd probably still be drinking. At least now you seem ready to quit, and that can only benefit you and your family.

Really sorry to hear this, but you are here now and lots of people here to support! You can do this!

Unfortunately alcoholism is progressive. It only gets worse as you have discovered. I didn't get in trouble every time I drank but every time I got into trouble I'd been drinking.

The madness ends when we quit drinking. There is a lot of support here and remember you are not a bad person you are a good person with a bad disease

Welcome bk friend

I had a dui at 50 -
I didn't quit drinking until I lost my job at 55.

Quit now. It's a lot harder to find a job at 56...especially when you (me) have that history

Welcomw back elaine.

I agree with Scott - no point in beating yourself up or calling yourself names - use this as a turning point - make sure it can ever happen again :)

D

Hi Elaine!

I'm sorry you find yourself in these circumstances...it sucks!... I know cause I've been there...twice! But it does NOT negate the fact that you're a good mom and a good person! All that negative self-talk is your AV trying to convince you of a bunch of crap so you'll say what the heck and drink again. Don't give it that power!
This is your chance to make the changes you need to move forward in a positive direction. You have been given a chance to quit the drinking for good before something even worse happens. You have the power within yourself to make that choice if that's what you truly want.
I hope you'll use this experience as a building block to get back the life you want. Use it to your advantage!

I did the DUI thing at 40, it sucks but I think the worst thing you can do is dwell on it and beat yourself up, because the next step in that chain is often to drink some more... Looking back, my drinking really started to spiral out of control at the point when I got that DUI - all pretense of drinking being a social thing went out the window, and afterwards I only drank at home and usually alone. :)

You fell like so many of us do, just pick yourself up and start fresh in the direction you want to go. No sense wallowing in pity, use your sorrow to motivate yourself to make a real sincere go of sobriety this time. It looks way harder in the first few months but you just have to get determined and stay sober. You won't always struggle with cravings, they really do subside, IF you stay sober long enough. You can do it

I know the pain of getting DUI'S.

Had one at around 47
and then again at around 57
2 here within 10 years and it's very serious.

Hope you will stay sober and not do as I did. I thought that I wouldn't get another one. That thought didn't work out.

MM

That does suck. I do not know what happens in OK with ONE DUI, sounds like you have drivers. You will probly lose License for a short time, some meetings and a fee with the one DUI. Good luck and use this as a learning situation. best of luck. Hope your job will not be affected? If I got a DUI, i would be in big trouble with my job.

There but for the grace of God go I.. there were plenty of times I had a 2 or even 3 glasses of wine while at dinner. After the last few times when a cop car would mysteriously appear behind me on my way home, I stopped doing that. One of the great things about sobriety is not having to worry about these things anymore.

DUI aged 20. A couple of years after passing my test. Still have my licence.

Hanging in there, by a thread but hanging in.
 

Thanks everyone. I am still crying. My vacation isn't happening. I have already spent a thousand dollars. I wasn't working but now I have to get a job. How does one get a job with a dui? Maybe a waitress? Letting down my family is the hardest part. All THE MONEY Involved Is JUST Devastating. Hanging in there, suicide is not an option. Although I considered it. I am tired of being a problem and burden. However if I kill myself, that would really hurt my kids. I have to stick around, it hurts. So bad.

bless you, elaine. it sounds trite right now, but I promise it will get better if you stay sober, one day at a time. don't beat yourself up so much -- that is when I would get drunk all over again because I didn't believe I could handle the pain I was dealing out on others AND myself. we're not superhuman and it just becomes too much. you're not a bad person; don't believe the lies we tell ourselves when things are hard. xo.

The hurt is only temporary. And regarding the job thing, you cannot be discriminated against because of a DUI unless the job has a specific driving requirement. It's not something that is on your resume, and even if it comes up on a background check they cannot use it against you.

I am sure glad you are here.

I didn't get into recovery the easy way - I had to suffer some tough consequences before I reached out for help.

We are with you on this.