Looking for some guidance
 

Be been reading and posting on here for a bit, and I've been doing better, but not good enough in my sobriety. I keep getting sober for consecutive days of varying amounts, then rationalizing my way into consecutive days of drinking every night. I can't seem to break this cycle. Right now in 3 days on the sober side and want to make a sincere run at putting it all behind me. My question is, is there someone on this site that can be a sponsor, or mentor to people like me to see me through this? I don't want to go to local meetings, for several reasons, but I'd love to at least be able to check in, and speak to someone regularly. Someone who can hold me accountable. I don't know if that exists here. Well, thank you for listening, and wish me luck!

Hi Dave you might find support in the 12 step section or secular section

I was also suggest you start your own thread where you hold yourself accountable

You can post in the 24h thread and join a monthly class

If you won't go to local meetings, fine. People get sober without AA. But they "work" their recovery, whatever it is. Make a commitment to read and post to SR daily. For a minimum of six months. It's great that you recognize that you have a problem with accountability. But in the end, no one can hold you accountable. That's on you.

Good luck.

I've sponsored a number of guys in AA over the years. Every one of them who has taken the 12 Steps and continued to stay engaged in the work has recovered from alcoholism. Most, if not all, who haven't done that have returned to drinking.

My wife held me accountable, as did the legal system and my employer. And I still drank, over and over. It was obvious after a while that accountability and someone to talk to were not what I needed.

I am holding myself accountable. Hence my endless cycle of trying to quit. And I am seeking help. This thread is in exercise in that. I don't mind working steps, and I'm committed to holding myself accountable. I was just looking for guidance. Clearly I can't do this alone. I can't go to local meetings and my wife is an enabler, but a very supportive and good woman. I appreciate the advice and any support anyone can give.

Have you considered self-paced sobriety methods like AVRT? If you cannot/will not go to any local meetings that type of method may be your only option along with support of SR or other similar type forums.

You could join the 24 hour threads or the class of February over in the daily support thread area

Newcomer's Daily Support Threads - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

What is AVRT? I'm not really aware of what's out there. I'm willing to do almost anything, and I have an open mind. I've already quit and gone three days. Now I need the next steps. Any advice is very welcome!

Many of us here in SR share regularly using
our ESH - Experiences, Strengths and Hopes
of what our lives were and are like, before,
during and after drinking or drugs.

We share with willingness, open-mindedness
as well as honesty all to the best of our abilities,
helping, guiding, supporting, communicationg,
understanding, care and concern.

Finding help, reaching out for help, asking
for what you need in assisting you with learning
how to remain sober or clean one day at a time.
Make some healthy changes in your life to
achieve a strong, solid recovery foundation
to live your life upon for many days sober down
the road one step at a time. :)

AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) is part of Rational Recovery, and is a self paced/self-help style recovery method. There are books about it and lots of info at their website

There are several FAQ's about it and folks who practice it in the secular forum here too
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Spend some time on here reading and posting. There is a lot of wisdom in these pages. Post when you want to and you will get lots of support. In the end it's true though that you are only really accountable to yourself. :) As you read you will find many paths that people take to get sober and you can choose what works best for you.

I posted on the 24 hour check in. That's a good tool! I'll keep posting here and read up on AVRT. Thank you!

Praying never hurt neither. ..

Got the big book of AA ?

I don't have the big book of AA. Where do you get that?

Google it and there are several websites with free downloads of the Big Book.

got my big book for free after going to jail some 8 years ago lol. You should honestly consider meetings, its about breaking habits yeah?

Yu can search " big book online" and read it online until ya get a real one in front of ya. The first 164 pages explain a lot about alcoholism and also the solution. After page 164 is personal stories. Good idea to read them,too.

I got my 1st BB while in rehab 24 yrs ago.
Its used, worn, yellowed, marked, cherished,
appreciated. I also bought one on Ebay that
has large print for those of us with difficulty
reading small print.

Whatever works will guide you into long term
sobriety. Also, never hesitate to ask questions.
Its when we don't ask that we will never know. :)

yeah the big book is online for free at AA site I think. I got mine used off amazon and gave it away and hten had to order another one haha.

I'll pick up the big book. Did some reading last night on AVRT. Really like the ideas there. Want to get as many ideas as I can and find what works for me. Today I just got up, and hit the gym. Have the whole day planned out, including getting up and hitting the gym again in the morning. No doubt in my mind I'll get that far 😄

I did a lot in the beginning. some stuff works some stuff doesn't some stuff just kept me busy. I don't regret trying any of it however everything helped pass the time and got me more sober days etc...

Daveanomie

Our disease wants us to take the easier, softer way.
Whatever is keeping you from AA meetings, I would ask God (even if you don't believe in one) to help you face those fears - and go. If you can walk through that fear, and keep seeking out a Solution in AA, you cannot fail.

I like meetings where people talk about the Solution and how they're actually doing it. If you're anything like me, you don't have time to waste.

Courage, my friend.
Those fears are only false anyway, even if they seem real.

It's not fear that is keeping me from meetings. I'm not afraid of confronting my issues. For various reasons, I don't want to be seen confronting these issues in a local, public forum. As a matter of fact, much of the reading I'm doing that makes sense to me demonstrates that going to meetings, and the idea of being in constant "recovery" actually perpetuates an addiction. As if we are just waiting for the inevitable relapse, which ironically is part of recovery.

I did go to a work meeting last night, rife with alcohol to our eyeballs. While everyone ate and drank merrily, I abstained and enjoyed my water. When asked why I wasn't drinking, I said I was on a low carb diet (which is actually true) and instead of being ostracized, a few people that are trying to lose weight seemed both impressed in my self control, and a little self concious of their own decisions. I'm not saying any of this is the answer, but I rolled the dice on a way of approaching my problem, and it worked out well!

By meetings I'm assuming you are referring to AA. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, about the AA program that suggests a permanent state of recovering. The BB uses the word 'recovered' repeatedly. Since I took the 12 Steps, I've never had to make the decision of whether or not I was going to pick up a drink. RR and AA have that in common, not in contrast.

My question is, is there someone on this site that can be a sponsor, or mentor to people like me to see me through this?

Has anyone PMd you yet? There was no internet for getting sober when I did. Meetings were all there were so I found my sponsor at one of those. I think face-to-face makes it easier as you can see age, expressions, etc. My sponsor was there to help me through the Steps when I needed it or sage life advice when I needed that. She was not a micro-manager type of sponsor who believed that God would direct me as long as I stayed in contact with Him... ie: stressing the spiritual message in the Steps.... which suited me best. For me, during the ensuing years, I found that it was working the 12 Steps of AA and daily contact with God (my higher-power) that helped me the most. Meetings were good for other things, like fellowship and keeping up with a healthy activity in the early days, but it was the Steps that, in my opinion got me and kept me sober. Later, meetings were good to pass it on with 12th Step activity but there are many ways to do with without attending meetings. The ways are pretty endless actually.

Since we can't see each other nor hear each other talk like we can at a meeting, its a pretty daunting task to seek out the posts of individuals trying to get a handle on "who" they are and if that would be a good fit for us which, in my opinion, is critical as a degree of bonding is best when facing some of our early resistance to various suggestions. Its also hard for a potential sponsor for the same reasons. May I suggest you give a bit more information about yourself... as much as possible without breaking your anonymity... for instance, would you say you're a spiritual type, general age group, etc? You might want to talk about your join date here too. If you do decide, at some time, to check out a meeting, I would suggest closed ones, Step or Big Book ones. I understand your apprehension... I think... though it is an anonymous program, there's no guarantee all individuals attending will keep it that way.

Best to you and congratulations!

I dunno one min i'd say i've recovered another I might say I'm recovering. 99% of the time I have 0 desire to drink even when bad times come. But then this morning with a bit of anxiety going on I thought maybe a 2 week bender is what i need? Yes the thought crossed my mind. I thought nah thats a terrible idea but it might give me some relief? I started thinking about it some even I knwo full well its a bad idea and I wont do it. But its at a time like that that i might say I'm a recovering alcoholic. Other times when all is fine and its the last thing on my mind that i'd want or whatever I'd say I've recovered.

If what you saying is I could hit a point where I'd never even contimplate it even slightly then I cant wait till I hit that point. Sure its rare and not often it crosses my mind but it does I wont lie.

zfw,
Happened for me right around the 9th Step, which makes a bit of sense when I look at the 10th Step promises that describe that 'recovered' state.

The Power needed to recover is between physical, emotional and spiritual contact. Getting face-to-face experience was essential for me both with others like myself and with a sponsor.

Many alcoholics are afraid to go to meetings although we won't admit it because of our bravado :)

The fear usually centers around what others think of us (either in or out of AA). Yet millions of people before me were afraid as I was and went anyway.

They were afraid and had no car so they took the bus. They were afraid and had positions in the community and young children and mouths to feed. But anytime we do God's will He will protect us in ways we usually cannot foresee.