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Snoopdrunk, I does whole list of thing when depression descend. (Exercise, meditations, music, cold shower, talk to friend, look at sun with open eyes, be outdoor, focus on work, go for simple distraction of TV or crosswords or something.) Sometime something on list will work, sometime depression is like immovable hulking sinking Titanic and all lifeboats is gone. fini! How freaking dares you throw in my face my own commitment that I make, in writing, of my own volition, in my own words, more than several time! Who need that kind of friend?! ... ... :) Just so's you know, therapist and case manager are exploring 2 possible inpatient for me as we speak. Why is it not "no brainer?" Cuz this last job I do for new studio went really really well. And that level of project I not have in long time. So is super big opportunity to get in with them. Right now. Not month from now. I know, that all about career and monies, but is also fact of life. I alone in this world to look out for self and so is big scary deal to me. But, therapist and I currently thinking up lies I could tell to explain why I unavailable for month. And so it go.... |
who enables you? |
(((Cow))) :hug: |
Hi Robot! You very quiet lately. How is you? SuicideS ...who enable me? ...get in line! Parents, siblings, teachers, friends, lovers, employers, doctors, therapists, industry, agent, housekeeper, colleagues, neighbors, society, dogs, cats. But most of all, of course ...me. |
I'm fine, no worries here. :) Just being quiet is all. Getting more involved in my writings and so on and whatever. Working on my health too. Making some progress. I suppose I'm internalizing my awareness a lot, lol. Relaxing and taking it easy... getting back to basics with my core programming, you know how it is, as when sometimes we just know when its right to chill, yeah? |
all joking aside im being serious. dogs cats cant... wont enable. they dont give you 10 bucks so you can get high, or whateveryou do. maybe i should just mind my business and avoid this thread.... |
Oh I sorry, SuicideS, I not actual joking. (excepting for cat and dog, which I thought was obvious jokings). I has have pretty successful career in entertainment industry, so monies is not issue. I was enable throughout entire life by list I presented, starting at very young age. Please not take offense, I respect you direct questioning. Robot, is you care to share you writings, would love to read you writings. I sure we all would. I glad you health better. And you chillaxing. Myself, I in the crucible, Robot. The CRUCIBLE. What if I say, I maybe need my Robot to stick around and chime in for me next couple week. Is too much maybe? |
For you I'm all in, my good friend. :) That was a powerfully worded appeal, Cow. I've been keeping up with your thread even though I'm quiet, so I understand the heat is on for you. As you know, I always appreciate your honesty even if I don't readily agree with your absurdity of appreciation of life as a human species of animal. :) Serious outcomes are in play when contemplating the wisdom of residential recovery venues. What price is failure? Is failure an important consideration in the process of recovery? |
Originally Posted by robbyrobot
(Post 5155270)
serious outcomes are in play when contemplating the wisdom of residential recovery venues. What price is failure? I kid ...kind of. I been inpatient and fail after. Not sure what it give me. Can see why and what it was give others there. I not in need of lot of that "work." I already done lot of that work. And plus also was like people having revelation and catharsis that I have 20 year ago. I total not mean to sound arrogant. Is just my experience. But, even if is just that I have "substance bodyguards" for 30 day, is maybe helpful. Then also is looming idea of trying Rx again. I truly not sure what I need. But I concedes I unable on my own. |
I'm not sure either what residential will bring for you that you don't already have going for you. On the face of it, residential care is an extreme consideration when I take in all you have as options. 45k is just the initial cost. Only success with residential makes the risk worth the cost. Trying isn't enough. We're none of us here children and we all know life goes on sober or not. Until it doesn't. I believe better choices than residential could be considered. For example, have you ever given thought to having a recovered person occasionally live with you in a series of overnights? I've had good experience with such arrangements back in my day. I also did 3 months of residential successfully too. My opinion is success is more about what we do with ourselves rather than the environment. Alcoholic drug addicts are a resourceful lot when we make up our minds one way or the other. As weird as it may sound, I believe you helping others with your awesome life experiences will do more good for you than others helping you, you know what I mean? :) |
Robbie, are you recommending a career as Cownselor? |
Robot, I has actual have several friend, and some was recovering addict (none of them will say "recovered") let me live with them. But, they has role or job to go to, and, even if they not has coffee or booze in house, was market just down street. I also binge on all they pantry. Even if was just bowl after bowl of sugary cereal. And then purge. They think they helping me, but I was stay sick behind they back. I have stays in Vegas, San Francisco, Seattle, Beverly Hill, Park City, Sacramento, Boise, Paris. All was offered as opportunity to give me change of place to heal. But was no healing to be had. I always end up fixated on some kind of fix. I remember in SF, I not have car, but everyday I walk 4 mile to get coffee and chocolate sorbet from certain cafe. Was my obsession. Took me hours, but was euphoric cuz was still work for me then. My entire day revolves around this "high" and I remember it more than time I spent with friend there. (Was always Better than Ezra "Good" playing on Walkman radio.) Was same scenario with caffeine or booze or food in all other places. ...Jesus God... that f*cked up! |
Cow, maybe you're ready. nothing else has worked. I think you have a good value to share with someone else who needs help. Love from Lenina |
I was thinking more of you offering help to others as host and not as guest. You can also help out in other ways too. I believe for you what will have the most success ie maintaining your sobriety is having a reciprocal exchange of mutual help as in addicts helping addicts f2f, much the same as you have come to appreciate here on the forums, but obviously without the anonymity you enjoy here. Helping others with our life experience is a classic remedy to secure our own opportunities for a more informed and strengthen lifestyle. I suppose I'm squarely in the camp of its "better to give than to get" on as many levels as it makes good sense, you know? Cownselor? Yeah. Why not? :) |
I got a lot more calm and when I became the helper and not the helpee. I know you're a good carer, Cow. You've said so yourself. Love from Lenina |
1 Attachment(s) Cow of Future Past: Good morning Cow! Cow: Good morning. ...HEY! Who is you?! How you get in here?! COFP: I is you, silly. Cow: You is! You know, I thought you looking particularly handsome. COFP: I here to show you what happen if you go for coffee today. Cow: Okay. Is you have DVD? Should I fire up the plasma? COFP: *slap* No idiot! *slap* I not have DVD, cuz you already freaking know what happen! Cow: Ow! And watch you laguage, you knows I not care for the cussing, assclown! COFP: Sorry. Okay, bottom line Cow: I gonna have to ask you to act in you own best interest today. Cow: You bitch! COFP: Looks at it this way, I from future, so I already drinks all the coffees, and all the wines, on all the days. I not ever change and only end up sadder, sicker, fatter and more dead. That why I a ghost. You must choose different path. You got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Okay, who we kid, not everything, but few things, which more than you got going now, yes? Or is you want to end up as me, rueful ghost who spend enternity reflecting on life live entirely in addict chains and drudgery, and plus also having to visit earlier, and, if I may, rather surly self. Cow: ...Still, as rueful ghost go, you damn good looking ghost. COFP: COW! Cow: OK! I gets it. No coffee. Hey listen, when you comes by tomorrow, can you bring bagel ...one with the little poppy seed sprinkle on top ...toasted ...with the chive cream cheese. |
That is beautiful, Cow, good job! I'll be back later. I think you're getting the hang of this. XXOO. LeeLee CA |
I'm still maintaining that you need something to LOVE. And I'm still saying a kitten. Something that will snuggle with you in your darkest hours. Make you laugh at their silly antics. That you can trust to be there to love you 24/7. (That is, until, after too much stimulation they give you a nibble warning.) :) Something to get you the hell out of your head. A reason to live. A reason to love. All you gotta do is a get some kibble and a litter box. And a shoebox with holes poked in it. And something on a stick - feathers or yarn or a ball of tinfoil even. Commitment vs ROI is super high in my humble opinion. |
Quitting was one thing and staying quit was something else altogether was my experience in becoming recovered from my alcoholism. I can't tell you how many times I read myself the riot act only to get good and drunk anyways sooner or later. I finally at last got it right when I simply came to the sober realization I wanted to be drunk more than anything else as long as I didn't have to die while chasing down my drunk. Doesn't take much smarts to see where alcoholism was taking me for a ride. You know, deep down I didn't care enough about myself to honestly want to be sober. After all was said and done though, I didn't want to die either, so I LEARNED TO STAY QUIT not because I wanted sobriety, but because my early death by suicidal drug and alcohol abuse (I was 24) was not as attractive as I had believed. I like you Cow. You make like an iceberg in what you have to offer with so much being hidden at first and even second glance. Eventually though, I appreciate you're just another addict doing what addicts do with their addiction when they are suffering with active abuse ie they lie to themselves without end. It really took me by surprise to realize back in 1981 fighting against myself in the name of sobriety was a game I would never ever win. I did eventually learn that my alcoholism would always be in my bones, and with it would be my alcoholic mindset slanted to addictive thinking. I yam what I yam. Since my last drink back in 1981, much has changed in my life. What hasn't changed is I still don't chase sobriety. How I learned to live without alcohol is more important than why I had to originally quit, you know? |
Originally Posted by alphaomega
(Post 5155942)
Something to get you the hell out of your head. A reason to live. A reason to love. Hey (((AO))) :) |
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