Cow, one of the things we did last year while in AZ was "stand on a corner in Winslow" on Rt. 66. Have you been there? The town is a little sad but the corner itself is pretty funky.

Hi, Cow. I am fine! Nothing new going on except my annual countdown to Thanksgiving. I really look forward to it every year: twenty-six people converge on my mountain house for four days so I can go to my bedroom and watch back-to-back reruns of Project Runway!

I don't mind cooking--but having the whole entitled clan over tends to bug me and cause bad behavior, which everybody just ignores and continues to have a merry time. My psychiatrist and the great friends at SR really helped me cope last year and we worked out an escape plan: go up Wednesday with my dad, stay over till Thursday, eat dinner (cooked by others), then LEAVE!

Just knowing I have that escape plan in place really sets me free emotionally. I am even feeling benevolent this year: I feel like helping this year, and making the Friday leftover soup. THEN I'll leave! :)

So that's my news.

Like when I say I miss you guys, well fini, I has to confess, that cuz I mostly miss what I get out of it. I a needy, smelly barnacle sucking up you encouragements and support.


oh good heavens, dear Cow, that sounds normal to me. not the smelly barnacle part, since i do use deodorant and am not glued to others parasitically, but missing others because i miss "what i get out of it"? of course! i don't see that near as negative as it at first glance sounds. and i don't see it as about what they give, but that i get just from being with....if that's not normal, boringly so, then...uh...:)

and i'm 59. no desire to go with cultural almost-imperatives for looking anything other than what i simply look like. and yes, i'm often invisible. written off. not assumed to have anything of value to say or contribute.

and sometimes i struggle with that. and sometimes i hate that it can be so, and that "we" perpetuate it.

and that's okay. i can talk with others about it who understand, share perspective, and enjoy "what i get out of it" :)

Yeah, that is indeed something, my friend. We're both good to go all around, yeah? :)

My ongoing belief in your marshalling of your talents and abilities to create a workable and livable life which goes beyond mere existence continues to be all that I could hope for you, dear Cow.

I'm doing well, thanks for asking. I've stopped working with my original medical team recently as likely expected, and have since just over the past few weeks worked closely with my new team headed by a doctor of internal medicine. He has given me a solid (buffed to a warm shine, lol) referral to an accomplished surgeon specializing in lower back challenges, such as spinal stenosis and general degenerations. I expect to hear back within several months. Additionally, yesterday I had an echocardiogram of my heart so as to chase down whatever may be happening there in my robotic tin heart, lol. And I now consult with an dietician to help me morph into a better and more healthy lifestyle. I hate diets, so I have my challenge with this, goes without saying. :)

My current mobility circumstances continue to slide off the edge into the abyss, and until my surgery is a done deal, there isn't much to do except exercise as much as possible to retain muscle mass while I wait things out. Unfortunately, our (my wife and I) three month winter vacation in Key West has been cancelled. Not happy about this turn of circumstances, but what is is, yeah?

I don't post as much. I'm elsewhere with myself and my introspections as I work thru my challenges. No worries here though, life is good even when it sometimes darkens and retreats giving up one thing so as to accomplish something even more meaningful.

I'm so pleased you have had a chuckle or two, dear friend Cow. :)
What a wild ride, eh?! Hold on girl, there are more wonderfully delicious experiences in the queue even if shadowed by whatever else. Like you said so well in as many words, when in the darkest night, the littlest of hopeful lights is as a blinding brilliance. This is my own experience too time and time again.

:You_Rock_

Oh yes. Growing old, especially for a woman, especially in the U.S., is frowned upon for sure. I have no qualms with aging, I wear it like a badge of honor - hell, I MADE IT ANOTHER YEAR Bichez !
And, after all, what is the alternative ?

However decades and decades of bodily abuse has resulted in that, ahem, "not so fresh" feeling. And I would prefer to not look like I've been rode hard and put away wet, you know ? Just like I've had to start to weight train because my muscles are deteriorating at a frightening pace, The collagen in our faces go south too.

I just want to be the best me I can be. You know, moo and improved.

News flash -- my Dean told me today that I'd been to charm school over the last 2 years. The Snarkbunny you all know is apparently a very noticeable improvement over the person who was hired a decade ago. I believe he knows I'm an alcoholic, though that word will never pass between us. I hope the thought of me as a charm school graduate makes you laugh, Cow -- it would make me laugh if it didn't make me cringe, knowing how obnoxious I still am and trying to imagine how much more obnoxious I must have been when I was drinking.

Aw, Cow, that was the nicest thing you've ever said to me. But you didn't know me when. Nor would you have. Nor would anyone. I wasn't available to the human race. ;)

Hi Cow,

I'd tell your old friend the truth, she can take you or leave you. I hope it goes well!

ah Cow,
be authentic with your old friend with who you are and you never have to wonder if she's hanging around because of who you're pretending to be.
it's a win-win even if you never hear from her again.

no use having someone in our life because of fakery, eh?

it would make me laugh if it didn't make me cringe, knowing how obnoxious I still am and trying to imagine how much more obnoxious I must have been when I was drinking.


geeeez courage, will you EVER just accept a positive remark as the positive it is meant to convey????

OMG, you'll probably turn this into a criticism, too...which i guess it could be...if it weren't really an encouragement to just accept that wow how nice: others are noticing a lovely change you're accomplishing. yes, accomplishing. work you've done. are doing.
i'm messing this up, but you know what i'm saying.

double :)

fini, thanks for the credit & yes, I do recognize the positive side -- we actually talked for a couple of minutes and I told him I was working on it & he said it showed, which was an unusually untainted interchange between us. But you have to realize that he was also very purposefully and obviously reminding me that although I've been rehabilitated in the eyes of some of the senior administration, I could blow it any time. There were a few years I was actually blacklisted from many professional activities. That kind of messaging is just how things work in my world. It's a very manipulative climate, with massive egos fighting over scraps of power and prestige. No one is wow how nice.

Thanks still. And :) :) :)

Cow, I suggest you don't over-plan the exchange with your old friend. Meet up with her and find out why she contacted you -- it sounds kind of out of the blue. Maybe she has something she needs to share. I think you should be honest about your own current situation, but no need to make a giant deal of it -- if she's not an addict/alcoholic, she's not likely to understand anyway. Everybody's got a sack of rocks.

Cow, personally, I'd seriously reconsider spilling the beans like that with an old childhood friend via Facebook. I know you all might disagree, judging from the replies. But there is no way I'd reveal that sort of info about myself to a childhood friend... not sure what sort of high school experience all of you had, but mine wasn't all rosy. I haven't seen those people since college days and don't plan to. This is one perspective, and I certainly don't intend to be a negative influence, but this is what's going through my mind right now.

If you met, had coffee, yadda yadda yadda, then end up hanging out together a few times... and still have a good connection, yeah maybe then.

Cow, I agree with SoberJennie. I would keep the response really light; see what plays out between the two of you over time.

^^^what the Sober sisters said is what I really meant. On the other hand, I don't think you need to lie -- don't tell her everything is peachy keen. If she's anything like the people I know, she won't even notice -- she'll ask a perfunctory question about how you are, push past a vague response like "ups & downs" and start to unload her own stuff.

.

I agree with Fini.

She contacted you because she has always liked you. Your reality is very touching and likable.

I heard this song a few months ago and it made me smile. Here ya go Courage!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHdcPlfwmkg

Cute, thanks -- it made me smile too. I love teenagers, is that crazy?

I guess the Crone Motel is going to need a cougar wing.

Tooo funny.!!!!!

:lmao: I can be good and I can be sober, just both at a time is hard!

I'm so glad you two got the chance to get beneath the superficial.

cougar wing? nah but a tad pole wing would work for me.

cow, I used to baby sit a lot back in my teen years. One family was very social and went out quite a bit. They had five kids, I enjoyed them but always felt something wasnt right. the baby in the family was a little girl, about six. She used to always wake up after all the kids were sleeping and cry. I thought she had nightmares. I would hold her on my lap in the rocking chair and just rock her. She would usually go back to sleep.

my sister was her age, knew her. seems her Pappa was abusing her. I only found this out a few years ago! poor, poor little girl. I never knew. I was barely 15 myself.

There have been some major solar flares the last few days. between that and the full moon, I've been extra irritable. Like I need to slap someone toothless. I've had a bad day. so maybe it's not the new supplements but cutting back to every other day might be good just in case it's not the moon.

Oh, dang, I saw an article about a real,live Crones Motel. I don't know how to copy the article. It's in Europe and the name is Babbayagqas....I may have spelled it wrong.....that means grannies in Hungarian, I think it is. Maybe we can start a chain of them here. LOL

Love from CAL

no, you're not going to freak!
freaking...well, for me that was always a set-up. felt out of my control, something "made me" freak, things and people and happenings , but in reality i was looking for the freaking so i could drink again and justify.

may be entirely different for you. and maybe i'm re-writing history as i'm not entirely sure if i was or could have been aware of it at the time.

i do remember one time very clearly in my many attempts to quit smoking , on my way driving home from work some jerk cut me off and something else pissed me off and i was relieved. oh yes. "oh good! i can smoke now!"
all that is an aside :)

Now before you think everything coming up roses for Cow...]

come on, Cow. give us some credit. highly improbable anyone here would think everything coming up roses for Cow.

sure great to hear of the genuine reconnection with your old new friend though...plenty of roses right there.

If there aren't any boys allowed in the Crones Club, count me out. I like to keep at least one close at hand. ;)

Cow, I'm glad you & your friend had a good re-bonding. You sound very energized, whether by that or by whatever you're taking, I don't know.

I don't know how long it's been since you had a drink, but I suggest just one thing -- if you feel tempted to drink or abuse any substances, please post here before you do anything.

cougar wings?

http://www.dominomagazin.com/public/...99_234x101.jpg

lol

D

Dee I swear one of those wings at about 4 o'clock looks like a man's backside -- not a bad one, either!

http://images1.bonhams.com/image?src....jpg&width=150

nope still not seeing it Courage...
:glasses

Rorschach wings?

lol
D