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I think many of us can relate to these feelings, Cow. Especially those of us who "checked out" early in life. I always felt defective......the one that should have been thrown back! I think early childhood trauma has such force.... I felt like a bomb site at 8 years old. Just wreckage, wreckage, wreckage. Maybe now we just have to form ourselves......start over on the life that is ahead? |
Boudicca, yes, is like now, as aging adult, after so much trauma, and with f*ck up brain, and, for me, with so much time spent just kind of being detach consciousness floating in space, with little connection to material world, we somehow has to voluntary give our very survival mechanisms and ethereal existences and start to form our selfs into real persons. Well, I got nothing to go on. No role model, no parent figure, no family, no memory of ever be healthy or normal. So I guess I winging it. Who with me?! Maybe we help each other. SJ, I know my creativity gonna suffer. Brain is suffering and angry cuz is very very old rug been pull out from under. It all :rant: so this to be expected. It maybe not permanent, but I has to be prepare and accepting, otherwise, I vulnerable to turning back. PS. You was 500th post so I think SR give you car or something. See D for detail. :) |
Our car promotion ended yesterday LOL :gaah: I'll be back later to close this part down and open a new one... D |
Sorry SJ, so close! Boudicca, I very much hope you will tell us more about you wreckage, wreckage, wreckage. And I put all 3 wreckages in there cuz lot of us has live all 3. Maybe if we all bring out our little shatter pieces of wreckage together, it will make mosaic that help us all cope, and plus also make nice crafty table top or something. |
Cow, you say it is real possibility that your anhedonia get worse with sobriety??? Come now spotted cow. Alcohol is a depressant, and you are a cow more sensitive than most. I'd say a real possibility that you drop the booze and the anhedonia would go with it. |
Little Kittycat, how freaking dares you come in here and drop some absurd bomb that lack of alcohols is somehow gonna make thing better for Cow! ...the nerve!! :) |
Sorry to say kitty, the anhedonia isn't going away with or without sobriety either way. In many ways sobriety unmasks the rawness of Cow's dilemma. Active addiction at least provided a relief of sorts albeit a useless and personally costly distraction. I admire the toughness and yet at the same time the complete vulnerability of the surreal experiences sobriety does and yet doesn't bring to Cow's awesome journey. |
Awesome journey?! Jesus of God. You worse than Kittycat, Robot. ....Okay, I actual adores you both, very much, very, very, much, okay? Moo Mwah. |
This brings this thread to another 500 posts and a close. I'll add a link when Cow starts anew. D |
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