Jdooner:

I am new to recovery also and my "sponsor" turned out to have significant psychological problems and turn out to be more of a stalker than sponsor. Today was my first meeting after having to dump her. I was shunned and followed to my car and told that since I am rejecting the program I will probably drink then die beginning today.

I love the idea of the fellowship. I really do and I believe the program works. I just do not know if it is going to work for me. Too many unspoken rules, etc. I get where you are coming from and will now look to rationale recovery. Maybe that is my answer because AA is making me more hopeless.

Thank you so much for this post.

:dee
Who told you that? The people at the meeting? You did not reject the program, you got rid of a micromanaging stalker with serious codependency issues.

Shunned by her or the whole group? What did the group leader say about it? That is f-ed up and from reading your thread about it she's a nut.

I think you should. Based on your posts and what seems to be your background and personality, it looks like one way or another, AA will be a disaster for you.
One thing you might also want to look into is Women For Sobriety. There is a group which meet on Wednesday night on Capitol Hill. They have a good program which I think would be more suited to you.
Unfortunately I cannot attend because of my schedule :(
If you want to check them out, here is a link to their site (they also have a forum) Women for Sobriety, Inc.
If you are interested in attending their weekly meeting, pm me and I will give you the info.

Here is what I noticed. Regardless of how bizarre or dysfunctional you are in your interpersonal interactions you get a lot of respect. So upon learning I reported her (all in a 24 hour span mind you) she was able to talk to 3 to 4 of the old timers and get them to intermediate. Their hostility was apparent so the normal people also felt uncomfortable interacting with me. Which btw is totally fine. Not everyone fits in, in every situation.

I absolutely love Women for Sobriety. It pretty much saved my life.

I heard a men's version was being worked on, but I haven't heard anything. Anyone know?

I am so sorry for your experience. I chalk this up to the people vs the program but I can totally relate. I am not trying to persuade anyone, just chronicle my journey. Honestly, AA was exactly what I needed in the beginning. I would have caved if I did not have the face to face support and perhaps the militant sponsor technique helped. I find that I am a bit stagnant and need to change some variables.

It sounds like you are in an awful situation and my advice whatever you do is to either find another meeting or support group.

I wish you the best - nobody deserves to be stalked or belittled.

There is literature for men but no meetings that I know of. I really wish there were. It's an amazing program.

As you eventually got around to stating yourself in this thread, this is probably more about your fear of breaking up with your sponsor than it is about leaving AA, and the rejection towards you you fear could result if you did that.

I hear a fear of being bullied by a clique. I identify.

We alcoholics are very sensitive to things like that because we want to fit in ourselves.

At some point we have to stop running and face out fears. We have to be honest. We have to trust God.

I had no real tools before I went through the 12 Steps but I learned I could ask God for courage, speak up while being respectful and calm, and thank the person for being in your life for the period of time they were and now you are going to do your own thing in AA, and you'd like to remain his friend if possible.

The "if possible" part will depend on no one gossiping about each other.

It could work our fine, yet you want to risk your life by just leaving instead? What about the women and children who depend on you? What about yourself? What's more importan, your life getting better or potentially being faced with the prospect of a little gossip for a while?

These fears have to be faced eventually and what better place than AA to do it?

Your sponsor has done the best he can. Maybe it's time for you to allow God to bring you someone who can help you a little more now.

And someday when you've gone through the 12 steps you just might be the sponsor you always wanted.

Thank you for this thread. It verbalized what I had a hard time writting about

Why do I have to change me to fit AA's program. Why are the flaws of others my responsibility? Where in any of my threads do I even suggest my life is in danger? You think I am going to relapse bc I am trying a different program? Have I no stated my safety net?

Fear is a powerful motivator but not as powerful as empowerment and self confidence. You and I differ in our basic beliefs, no disrespect intended. I do not believe I need God or Jesus to fix my flaws. I believe I have the tools within me but have not known how to use them. I have become spiritual but not religious and again based on your post, while I assume the intentions are genuine you are not spreading the proper AA message. Where does AA preach God? Is it not supposed to be a higher power of your choice? Once again I have to rationalize your post as people not the program. For four months I have been making excuses for the shortcomings of AA's messengers.

I guess in the most polite way I have simply had enough!

If RR and RET combined with my weekly therapy are so weak that I relapse and die I will have my wife update everyone on this site so nobody else follows me off the same cliff.

Awesomely well said!!

:)

Ok, I don't do much Big Book thumping as a rule but here it is from the Big Book.
Chapter 7: Working With Others (Page 95)
The big book does not tell us to use scare tactics and tell people that if they leave AA they will relapse and die! That's fear mongering and not very conducive to recovery (and not very friendly either).

It's not necessary to agree on recovery program for us all to stay sober.

Look at the cute duck.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/f9e445b28...7dkbo7_500.jpg

I would say go ahead and do what you need to do.
Clearly you have all the answ.

Good post, JD. I am debating the same thing after 4 months. Though I havent quite completed step 4. I might complete 4 and 5 before stopping. Still debating that. Iam getting much more out of Buddhism and meditation. It seems to go a lot deeper than AA in terms of insight but then thats a given since AA only looks at alcoholism. A great institution, AA, it saved me but after hundreds of meetings, I am debating whether to taper down.

There is more than one path to sobriety remember.

I think you will find it difficult to fully vest in Buddism and completing the steps.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy
;)