Interesting. I'm curious now about your story.

Congrats, btw. 5 years is very impressive.

I'm at a place where it has caused problems and the person who has ended up suffering the most is myself, and I don't want to live like that.

Tricky part is that most of the time I do and can moderate, and am mostly a 'fun, happy drunk', when I am drunk.

The problem drinking only seems to crop up under certain circumstances.

Do I sound like I am making excuses?

I second that. There's actually a thread running now that's debating the concept of alcoholism as a disease. I don't know how to link it, but if you scroll down you'll see it. That should give you lots of different opinions; it's one of the many things about alcoholism that is highly controversial.

lol...well, yeah, a little. But you must understand I'm looking at it from MY perspective. I've said those same things, but I can't honestly say that everyone who said those things were actually alcoholic. No one ever wants to believe they are alcoholic. That's why so many of us drink for so many years. We're in denial. There comes a point though, where some of us stop and think about it. Just like you're doing tonight. (That doesn't mean I'm calling you an alcoholic.)

Alcoholism runs in my family. My father died from cirrhosis of the liver. Most uncles on both sides of my family were alcoholic. It can be genetic, so that's something to think about, too.

Hi and welcome Grace :)

sometimes I think it's easier to cut to the chase - ask yourself - is my drinking causing me, or those I love, problems?

If the answer is yes, then it's clear you need to do something about it.

I spent a lot of years trying to identify what I was...there's nothing wrong with that in itself...but I kept drinking while I was looking - I think I'd pulled a 'swiftie' on myself if I'm honest...

I thought if I was looking for answers on what kind of drinker I was, then I was still 'doing something' for my recovery...
:no:

Not drinking at all works a lot better, IMO. It gives you a clearer perspective to sort out all the curly questions too :)

D

I don't presume to know what you are looking for, but I know what I was looking for, back in the beginning. To find out what a "real" alcoholic was, and the many ways in which that unfortunate person was different than me.
There is a lot of information out there. It is amazing how one can find exactly what one wants to hear. One can find comfort that one is an alcohol abuser rather than an alcoholic. Don't want to subscribe to the disease theory - neither do many others. Can drink moderately at times - your problem is not that bad. Social anxiety - oh yes that you've had since you were a child - why your drinking is just self-medicating. It is part of my culture. - it helps me do my job better . . .

It is good that you are questioning, learning, analyzing. But have you thought about all the mental exercises you are doing to figure out how you can rationalize keeping alcohol a part of your life?

After much research and internal debate I now try to keep it very simple. Alcohol enters my body and a harmful chemical reaction ensues. Harmful to my body, spirit, and soul. I don't need it in my life.

The concerns are these: I have found myself using alcohol more frequently to self-medicate social anxiety, general anxiety and issues in my now ex-relationship. I have been drinking more alone, as way to relax and decompress at the end of a stressful day.

That's crux of matter right there. I knew had a prob when I realised how withdrawn I became & drank a handle in 2 days alone; probably drank more if wasnt working
But if you posted here thinkin you might have a problem but not sure then the odds r 9 out 10 you do. But if you can get hold of it now & avoid ruining most of your life the way I did & countless others on SR, then you're a WINNER

My drinking habits were very similar to how you describe yours, and I wrestled with the same questions you're seeking. There's a lot of names like periodic alcoholic, problem drinker, etc, etc. I decided whatever description fits me matters a lot less than my realization that alcohol was less important to me than what it had cost me (dignity, the woman I love dearly, her daughters I also love dearly, friends, DUI, etc).
I quit at roughly your age for 5 years, then foolishly drank for the last 16 years.

Some really insightfull replies in this thread, its a pleasure to read.

I would also add, ask yourself if you want to quit drinking, if in a perfect world, would you still drink? in a not so perfect world would life be better without alcohol? Would you like to be able to better control your drinking? If so, why cant you do it already?

I cant speak for anyone other than myself, but for me, I know I dont want to drink, yet im sometimes compelled to do so. This runs contrary to what I want and despite me being solely responsible for me, it still happens.

FWIW, I dont drink pints of hard spirits or have ever experienced the kind of withdrawal that would need medical assistance, but I too have blackouts, I drink to "relax" after a days work, etc... but similar to you I find things go bad when I do that. Im tired of causing myself literal and metaphorical headaches.

Ultimately though, it boils down to what we personally want. Do you want to stop drinking?

Hello. I'm not physically addicted either, you don't have to be to be an alcoholic. Physical addiction isn't the first thing to occur. It does sound like you have a problem to me. And hey, it is easier to quit in the early stages of addiction. :) or whatever you wanna call it.

Hi Grace I found I don't think too far in the future I just take my baby steps one day at a time. With sobriety comes a whole lot of other probs. I haven't got the Dutch courage, the couple to make me brave, the glass of dine to relax me. Now I have to learn how to do it sober and it is very enlightening.

Best of all, I read what toffee had wrote to in someone's post. They were getting on really well without alcohol and toffee said, its like before alcohol was invented, or words to that effect. Think of that, if we had never drank it we would not miss it, to be in that happy place, bliss x

I can sure relate to your post. I never missed work, my house was in order, I never drove drunk. I did black out and do things I would never do sober. You say you use it as a medication, to keep you calm, etc. If a medicine had the mentioned side effects you state, would you use it. I would not. So I quit drinking. It is almost six months for me. I have not done anything I am ashamed of, had no black outs and always wake up with a clear mind. That for me is reason enough to quit. Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here. You will find lots of support and friendly people who only want to help.

certain people in my life think i am too hard on myself and are very adamant that i do not have a problem. are they present during my blackouts? no. do they experience the nightmare anxiety lasting 2-5 days after each blackout? nope. and this would happen once/week. sure. i ONLY drank one night, but look at how my days of that week were damaged due to that one night.

still. if i were to ask any of the people mentioned above if i should scratch my current program and have a few drinks, they would happily encourage the idea. some may be thrilled, actually.

my point is to be careful of who you base your health, future on. clearly most people here are going to support sobriety but that may not be the case elsewhere. this is your path and you need to figure out what is working and what is not. for yourself.

i suspect you may have had enough and that thought frightens you. never drinking again seems big and total and maybe a little depressing. maybe you are not ready to face that big of a sentence but i assure you, making the choice on your own, before things are much worse and you are unable to do so is a gift in itself. that is the tiny silver lining i cling to. sure, i miss getting drunk and i miss the many little rituals of a night out before things got dark. but i am crazy proud of myself for admitting the problem and going to work. my blackouts were getting worse. i noticed a trend in my life that i needed to address.

as others have pointed out, you are here. something inside you is either very curious or very tired and i suggest you listen to that and base any future decisions on whatever forced you to google this website. for you because you deserve it. :)

I'm not addicted to booze, that is, I don't have a physical dependency and I don't need to drink everyday. I'm also able to drink in moderation.

The concerns are these: I have found myself using alcohol more frequently to self-medicate social anxiety, general anxiety and issues in my now ex-relationship. I have been drinking more alone, as way to relax and decompress at the end of a stressful day.

The most concerning aspect of my drinking is the blackouts. There have been a handful of times over the last couple of years where this happened. Generally, it occurs under certain circumstances, i.e: I have drunk before I go out (to deal with nervous energy) not eaten enough that day, and usually been dealing with extremely stressful/tense situations (namely, an unhappy relationship). I seem to *forget* that I have this issue and get intoxicated to a disgusting level. This has resulted in me becoming sloppy, tearful and at times extremely distressed and full of rage. It's as if my brain switches off and I am operating from this fearful at the same time angry primal place.



I just highlighted some of the things you mentioned that really stood out to me. The blackouts are particularly troubling, imo. When I was in my twenties (I'm 36 now) I could drink and drink and would feel fine the next day. Definitely NOT the case any more. Eventually your body will not be able to take the punishment of the alcohol that you are inflicting on it. For myself it was age 33. Then the horrible hangovers started and migraine headaches and panic attacks. I think the sooner you are able to quit or cut back the better.

I have been using a website called drinkaware.co.uk. You can keep track of how much you drink every week and every day...it might work for you as well.

Anyway, welcome to the site ! I am also a newbie here and looking for answers/help.

How often do you blackout and do things that embarrass you when you are not drinking?

You had me at blackouts. Whatever it is, you've got it. Welcome.

I've got something.

I'm usually a good person. Right now, everything is unravelling and I'm making it happen. My break up has caused a lot of pain and has brought up deep and old wounds. I am drinking to cope and drinking is making it worse. And worse and worse and worse. And whats the point? Pour another drink. Ya know?

Drinkings not coping tho, is it? you're not solving anything...if anything you're running in the opposite direction from solutions.

You may push things to one side with oblivion for a few hours, but the problems don't disappear, and if you're not actually dealing with anything, that pain is staying fresh and raw.

D

Here's my two cents on where the line lies: if you blackout from alcohol--aside from the accidental first couple of times when you don't know how much you can handle--you have a problem with alcohol. Based on what you've stated, it seems like you've had more than accidental blackouts. That is, you've blacked out based upon a conscious desire to consume enough to get very drunk and this resulted in blackouts on multiple occasions.

If you can handle having one or two drinks and you don't feel anxiety or strong desire to consume more, you may be able to handle alcohol going forward. If you can't limit your intake, then that's another indication you have a problem with alcohol.

Whether it's a disease or not is controversial. I believe in the heredity of impulsivity and compulsivity that often leads someone to use alcohol to medicate or achieve hedonistic pleasure. Ergo, I don't believe alcoholism is a disease. To me, alcoholism is merely a symptom of more basic behavioral/psychological defects.

Good luck with resolving your dilemma. Hope any of my comments supra are helpful.