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a year and a month down the toilet I went back out after a year and a month of sobriety. My ego won't allow me to walk back into the rooms. My mind is telling me that my first night back out wasn't that bad and that I can try some controlled drinking. I'm really confused right now and don't really know what I want. What I do know is that the following day was a day filled with remorse and guilt. |
all you can do is get up dust yourself off and try again. No sense in beating yourself up over it just move forward and get back on the sober wagon. |
Hi 2lives, I think if you quit for over a year. You had good reasons. I don't believe in controlled drinking for people with drinking problems. I hope you quit again. Best wishes. A life of guilt and remorse is not a good life. |
I don't believe your year and a month was "down the toilet"... not at all. I went back out (briefly) after a year and 6 months of sobriety. I found out my sobriety had ruined drinking for me. I happily got back on the wagon . Even though my "sober time" is 9 + months this second time around, I do not view my prior 18 months as having been for nothing, I learned a lot. Just get back on track...you already know how to do that. :) Be well! |
Originally Posted by 2livesin1
(Post 4217798)
My ego won't allow me to walk back into the rooms. I've found that, plenty of the time, the tougher something is to do the more important it is that I do it. Knowing that it's the same mind that rationalized me doing X or Y helps me to ignore what it's currently saying. It also helps me to know that, if I'm capable of doing this or that (insert "bad" behavior), it's obvious that I'm doing so from an unrecovered state. I wouldn't have been capable of doing it had I recovered in "that" area. So....that means a "decision" to go back out and drink isn't necessarily a decision but more of an obvious outcome from an unrecovered alkie running their own life. Of course I drank......I wasn't recovered......obviously I went back out again. |
Its hard to go back into the rooms and tell them what you did. I had to do that on Tuesday. I had roughly 65 days at that point. Before that I had almost 90 days, and had to go back in and tell them what I'd done. The amazing thing is I found so much support and help from the people I was afraid would judge me. It was entirely my ego and pride that made me not want to go back. A lot of them have been in exactly the same place and they understand. Good luck! |
It takes courage to go back and people with courage will be successful. Life it life. You're alive and willing...get back on the horse and keep trying. Learn from it and move. Wishing you all the best bud! |
A year and a month |
Sorry..not a good typer..a year and a half is great!!! Please don't guilt and shame caused you to relapse back to where your were last year. Like everyone here has said, pick yourself up, get back on the wagon, and start again...you can do it, you've already proven that!!! |
Your addict voice coming back and saying "It's ok to drink again" is a consequence. You know controlled drinking is a bad idea. Just get back on the horse and do what you were doing before. You had a slip. Don't let it turn into a relapse. A year sober is great and proves you can do it. Wish you well :) |
I know people with 10 years sobriety who relapsed and came back to the rooms. you know what to do. the remorse, anxiety, pity will go away once you decide to go back to meetings and you already know it. just take a leap of faith and do it |
My mind is telling me that my first night back out wasn't that bad and that I can try some controlled drinking. Please do not give up, you're worth the good life! |
If someone slipped and came back to AA after the slip, well at least at my meeting they would be very welcomed without judgement. In fact, I find I am very inspired by those who go back out and then come back. I am inspired by their courage and determination. I also find they have much to teach me and others in regards to what made them slip and why drinking again wasn't such a good idea. Why don't you get back to a meeting 2lives? Not only will it help you, I know it will help others. You can do this! |
Originally Posted by 2livesin1
(Post 4217798)
I went back out after a year and a month of sobriety. My ego won't allow me to walk back into the rooms. My mind is telling me that my first night back out wasn't that bad and that I can try some controlled drinking. I'm really confused right now and don't really know what I want. What I do know is that the following day was a day filled with remorse and guilt. I relapsed after 7 years of sobriety. I had similar thoughts as you as my first night (actually my first couple of weeks) wasn't that bad. But it didn't take long before I caught up to and exceeded how much I was drinking before I got sober. I ended up staying out for EIGHT LONG YEARS before I nearly died and came crawling back to the rooms. I was welcomed back with open arms and I am coming up on 6 months soon. I also found a sponsor right away and worked the steps for the first time, something I wasn't willing to do in the past. My suggestion is to swallow your pride, go back to AA, and skip the controlled drinking experiment. There is no guarantee that you will make it back. |
I relapsed after 5 years of sobriety and did not go back to the rooms immediately. I was out for 6 years of doing "controlled" drinking. It took 6 years (and it is very rare, most people are back where they stopped almost immediately) but the bullet finally caught me. Do yourself a favor and go back in recovery. No one who live a content sober life will judge you (and those are the people who have what you want). I know it is humbling to be back counting days but the alternative is far worst. Like others mentioned, you did not lose what you learned during that year and a month but now you have an opportunity to see what was the weak spot in your recovery and how to avoid this pitfall in the future. Call your sponsor :) Why don't you join us at the 24 hours club?http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4219447 good place to be counting days in a supportive, non judgmental environment. |
Originally Posted by Grungehead
(Post 4220017)
2livesin1, I relapsed after 7 years of sobriety. I had similar thoughts as you as my first night (actually my first couple of weeks) wasn't that bad. But it didn't take long before I caught up to and exceeded how much I was drinking before I got sober. I ended up staying out for EIGHT LONG YEARS before I nearly died and came crawling back to the rooms. I was welcomed back with open arms and I am coming up on 6 months soon. I also found a sponsor right away and worked the steps for the first time, something I wasn't willing to do in the past. My suggestion is to swallow your pride, go back to AA, and skip the controlled drinking experiment. There is no guarantee that you will make it back. |
ps: a lot of the people who posted on this thread are in the 24 hours club. Come, join us http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4219447 |
Originally Posted by 2livesin1
(Post 4217798)
I went back out after a year and a month of sobriety. My ego won't allow me to walk back into the rooms. My mind is telling me that my first night back out wasn't that bad and that I can try some controlled drinking. I'm really confused right now and don't really know what I want. What I do know is that the following day was a day filled with remorse and guilt. You let your body rest for that long you should be proud. Just be easy on yourself. There is no need to get so drunk you **** yourself and die in a gutter. Just because you drink a few beers or a little more is no need to shoot off the nuclear alarm sirens. |
Listen, You let your body rest for that long you should be proud. Just be easy on yourself. There is no need to get so drunk you **** yourself and die in a gutter. Just because you drink a few beers or a little more is no need to shoot off the nuclear alarm sirens. Regretting things said while drunk is the most painful thing for me. Hi All, I have been managing my drinks but the binges are back with me again. My sweet girlfriend has been so patient for almost a year with me on this drinking but I am pretty sure we're done now. So now I am facing trying to get sober without a women I love. It's not going to be an easy task. I'm sure I will be really lonely for a year or more until it goes away. But what's scary also is the only person who helped me try to stop drinking has given up and I don't blame her. Alcohol sucks and just wrecked me again. I was 2 years sober coming from a 9 year binge, then for the last year I have been drinking again. Looking back on those 2 years I had a lot going on for me. I had a healthy body and I was able to have a loving relationship. I'm not an alcoholic who can be with a girl. The alcohol clashes with my mind and voids out the feeling of love somehow. Then when I wake up I am able to feel love again and have to face the broken glass everywhere so to speak. I'm an arrogant ***** drunk. I'm so cause up in booze I wanted this relationship to work and keep the booze. Yea I am jealous of men who can somehow do it. But for me that option is off the table. I guess it's a matter of what I wanted more - the beer or the girl. And sadly I'm disgusted with myself for my decision I made with my actions. And I'm also sickened how I keep trying to make myself believe I can be a successful drunk. |
Originally Posted by Gravel
(Post 4220052)
Listen, Just because you drink a few beers or a little more is no need to shoot off the nuclear alarm sirens. If one sees alcoholism as progressive and fatal.....which I do.....then you damn well better be setting of "nuclear alarm sirens"........and every other kind of siren for that matter. A moderate drinker or a heavy drinker....hey, maybe it's no big deal for them to drink again. They can stop or moderate when they decide to. For an alcoholic, (if you know what that word means and how it's defined) there isn't a bigger warning flag in the entire world. On the other hand, if we're talking about an alcoholic who's simply not done drinking and wants to continue, then blow it off..... If one's goal is to keep drinking then picking up up a drink fits right in with the plan. |
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