Be that as it may, in a sense what Gravel says is right. Hell, I'd kill to be able to be wrestling with his problem. I haven't been more than a month without a drink in 18 years. I think he should not sit around and bury himself in guilt and remorse. Those are the emotions that may generate a sense of failure and cause him to just throw in the towel. If anything he should see that year and a half as a fantastic achievement and realise that one day is not enough to wash away the greatness of that effort - meaning that it's more than worth it carrying on where he left off the day before the relapse. :)

I'm going to go against my better judgement here and tread out onto some thin ice.

Try not to take this personally but allow me to rephrase what you typed above: "I've not found a way to get and stay sober for more than a month in 18 years but here's what the original poster should do to get and stay sober......."

When I new to sobriety and recovery it was suggested that I didn't know ANYTHING about getting and staying sober. That made me mad......big time mad. What, me......not know something? Absurd!! I was insulted and I was offended.

Upon closer investigation, I had to concede the person who made that comment was right. How COULD I know about getting and staying sober? I'd never done it. I didn't have ANY practical experience with it other than unsuccessful experiences.

Um, I wasn't seeking to give himself experience based advice, simply saying that what he has so far achieved is not nothing. It is an achievement whatever way you look at it. You don't have to be stone cold sober for twenty years to see that. If he descends back into drinking full time that would be the failure. I am not legitimising his relapse as acceptable in any way. Simply that the 13 months without drink is evidence that he is capable of trying again and hopefully succeeding. Surely it is better to give the man encouragement that let him drown in his remorse and sorrow?

Not only have you misrepresented my position, chances are you know little of my history and have judged me based on one comment alone. I find you righteous condescension offensive and counter-productive. Congratulations on whatever strides you have made in your own battle, but I personally I have not come to this board to be told that I should shut up until I have reached a set number of days in line with your own.

Disgusting attitude.

ok..... I feared you couldn't read that objectively.

Nowhere did I judge anything about you. I explained exactly what I was going to try and type and mostly just changed the order of your words. I also didn't suggest you shut up. I told you what I......ME.........did and what happened to me.......and what I learned about me as a result. You're welcome to do what you please and feel whatever you'd like.

I'm sorry you're offended by a story about me but there's no need to be.

If you'd like to discuss this further, out of respect to the original poster, perhaps you'd be willing to private message me.

I think we can get neck deep in the 'I'm not as bad as you' game - or its cousin 'noone drank like me'....

The fact is I drank more than some and not as much as others - and I know people who died from within both camps.

D

Nice you made recovery from addiction, its look like that you are going through the state of cognitive sobriety. Its a tough job to a alcoholic to achieve and maintain sobriety for life.
keep it up.

Trying to control your drinking is like trying to herd cats. Just about impossible. I think you know this. You slipped, relapsed, made a mistake. Don't make it a thousand times worse by using it as an excuse to drink again. Come back in out of the cold. No one is going to judge you, because it happens all the time.

I appreciate all the advice. The beast has been woken up and it almost seems impossible for me to go back to AA at this point in time.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

This is not good. :(

What does the beast say? Sit home in a dark corner by yourself with the bottle?
Tell the beast to LAY DOWN!
Go back to AA. Go back reeking of alcohol. Go back with roadmap eyes. Do you really think there is a single person in those rooms who hasn't relapsed?

No alcoholic quits without relapsing at least once. If they just up and quit, they wouldn't be an alcoholic in the first place.

That isn't your ego. Your ego will like it in that room after you've been honest and started over again.

Pride goeth before the fall. I'm an atheist but the sentiment is valid. Don't be too proud and stubborn to admit you effed up. It's not the end of the world but it's not trivial, either. That good time isn't down the toilet so don't use it as an excuse for more bad behavior.

You can get sober again! You just have to remind yourself why you need to do it.

I agree with everyone telling you to get back to the mtgs. if those were of help, and i agree that even though you went back out after a period of sobriety you have not lost anything - you still have all the knowledge that led you to quit drinking in the first place and it will help you again. And yes there are many good people out there that will welcome you back - that saying does say - keep coming back.
I slipped up as well, and I was welcomed back. I was however also judged by some, I had people tell me I was doing everything wrong, that I needed to do it a certain way - not true. I need to do what I feel works for me, I need to find my balance. I am not trying to put AA down, but after enough experience I do not believe a whole lot in "who you see here, stays here, what is said here stays here". I have to learn what works for me and follow that path and I am very particular on who I share things with.
Best of luck to you - do what works for you!

What's stopping you? Other than cheap excuses and yourself.

Is Life better drunk or sober?

Been there, done that. Went back to AA after an almost 18 month hiatus and people were welcoming and encouraging. Going on 2 years abs now. Give it a shot.

You know, I always refrain from posting in relapse threads because I find it hard to relate. I realize that is pretty selfish of me but there it is.

And not because I have not relapsed myself. I have, but since I was only sober a little over five months and did not return to AA, I felt nine years was to long to be considered a relapse. I also never felt I was sober. I did not drink but I was not sober. Not like now. Not like it is today.

I have gone round and around as to what is different this time. Did God grab my hand? I think so. Was I just sick and tired? I think so. Was there just a window in time that opened and I was teachable? I think so.

There are more but I think anyone that is sober gets the idea.

My point is that all of these may have been available to me in the past but I will never know because I did not go back. The window may have opened and closed several times but I was to drunk to see it. Maybe, just maybe if I had been in the rooms of AA and trying to work the program I may have felt that window open and I would not have wasted nine years of my life.

I thought several times in those nine years about AA. The steps, the rooms, the people and my BB haunted me but I was afraid to fail again AND I was afraid to not drink again. I tried to get rid of it all, except my BB. It felt wrong to get rid of it so I kept it.

I know begging, pleading and crying for you to go back won't help.

You have to want it and when you do, we will be waiting for you with open hearts and hands.

I think anyone who has tried and failed along the way in their journey has something to give in relapse threads, Gracielou. I get something from every post you make and enjoy seeing you in any thread.

Be well.
I choose not to drink today.
FG

I would think there would be people in the rooms ,with similar stories .

We all think our situation is unique ,we are not special and different ,Im not anyhow :)

On monday I received some phone calls from people in the program. They picked me up and brought me to some meetings. I guess I'm going to try to get back on the horse and do the next right thing. I really do not want to lose all of the things that I have gained in the past year. BTW I really don't miss rehabs and being arrested haha. I guess I just set unrealistic expectations for myself and was disappointed that some of the things I want out of sobriety aren't coming when I want them to. I need to turn my will over and need to stop trying to run the show.