It took 2 months, but I feel like I am finally over this incident. Haven't touched a drink since.

I realize that I was walking when I regained memory of that night, with all of my clothes on just before 4am. If I were sexually assaulted 20 minutes earlier, even though still very drunk, I would feel bad discomfort in my rectum, and would likely be unconscious. I had no blood on my underwear and was able to walk 3 miles back home in no pain. I had been talking/texting friends for most of the time after the club, which helped ease my paranoia. The negative HIV test also helped me realize that this was just all my imagination. It's a very busy street at night, so I was probably interacting with other drunks at the time like most of the college kids in the area do.

I am very paranoid in real life, so even in my blackout state I likely acted the same way and just walked my drunkenness of subconsciously. I have been told that I walked and acted normally in a blackout state before.

I feel like I am much better now. My mind plays games with me after drinking because I am an anxious person. But I have learned from this.

I will always stay in control.

Thank you for your support while I was polluting my head with irrational thoughts.