On two alcoholics getting into a relationship :

The odds are good; but the goods are odd!

Lol no two of us together? Maybe if i wasnt a recovering alcoholic myself

It should be based on the quality and quantity of sobriety that the individual possesses

An alcoholic who has not worked the steps and is not active in recovery can be a nightmare I speak from my own experience. A full knowledge of what a chronic alcoholic is would help before making any such decision Go to an open meeting of AA and study us ! Sober we are wonderful human beings , dry oh a hellish nightmare ! Lol

Ive been sober 2 years and Im not sure I am even ready to date yet. I dated so many losers in the past, just as a distraction, that this time I want it to be better and give 100% my best. That being said, I have run into situations where people were into me, then found out my past and about recovery and backed away slowly. I figure its their loss.................cuz the road to recovery and my sense of self and who I am is something you cant find in just anyone. I think I have a lot to offer, and will offer it when the time is right.

I take back my original reply. I think it does depend on the person and how committed they are to sobriety. I think though that id always be scared of relapse in the back of my mind and how it would affect my own sobriety.

My feeling is that alcoholics attract alcoholics whether wet or dry. I believe the ideal is 2 dry partners obviously as I well know from experience the other is a hell of a ride however it will always end in tears. As an overly romantic young kid lying in bed all I would dream about is to be able to look back and forth into each others very essence and just get it right off the bat and then spend the rest of your life getting to know the rest. I think it can be tricky if one partner has no tangible comprehension of that very core. Empathy can only be attempted for so long.

Yes. I'm young and single and find pessimism to be refreshing. I've got a lot of New York "I can take over the world and be super successful!!" technology oriented snobby DJ type friends and, for me, it's nice to find someone who is a little exhausted and just wants to hang out.

:laughing:

On love in the rooms ;). I've been a couple relationships that were of the "goods are odd" variety. The first one ended in disaster. Bad ****** fowled during and after the split.
:explode Odd odder and then hysterical freakishness

:dancer5: My next "odd goods" hook-up turned out to be the one that beat the odds. She is rock in her AA sobriety, my BFF is just a beautiful giving, loving, strong woman that knows how to get things done. I lover now as much as I have been doing for the past few years

Tough choice on the answer! First, I've not had to think about dating anyone for 15 years now so I had quite the little smirk thinking about it.

Next, I think the answer to the question would be based on how secure they were in their sobriety. I'd be too afraid to date someone who was on the fence at all. I'd be too afraid that if they slipped that I'd then say "what the hell" and go ahead and drink. It doesn't matter how secure I am I still know that I could be coerced.

My hubby is in recovery too. Married almost 29 years. I never thought I'd be happy to see my hubby become an addict, but I think everyone could use a program. It works for us. We accept each other for who we are,

I would never date again, even if my hubby left or was gone. Recovery or not.

I'm still in early recovery (9 months) so I am sort of on the fence on this one too. I agree with Deeker's implied point above, though. One of the nicest things I have found in recovery and in a recovery program is the fact that it really drives home self-awareness and personal responsibility. Two very attractive qualities in my book. HOWEVER, just because someone is in recovery does not mean that they have those qualities, even if they are working what appears to be a strong program. I have met some of the most genuine guys in recovery who I would very likely consider dating. I have also met some of the biggest creeps who I wouldn't have gone near even while drinking A LOT.

In AA, there is a pretty big focus on the fellowship aspect which means that you spend a lot of time around others in the program. Of course you don't have to do this, but it is there if you want it or need it. For me, I have taken advantage of it and I believe it has been an integral part of keeping me sober. So, right now, I am much more attracted to or amenable to the idea of dating a recovering alcoholic because some of the ones I am friends with now are some of the best people I have met in a long time. The men as well as the women.

Dating a non-drinker, at the least, would probably be a prerequisite for awhile for me though. I really can't imagine being around someone on a regular or intimate basis who drinks. That may change over time but, for now, I just can't see it.

So, yes, I would date a recovering alcoholic. But, like everything else in life, there are many other facets of a person to consider.

As a recovering Alcoholic myself I would do it with the belief that we could help each other during trying times by understanding each other.

I believe people that are truly serious about their recovery are some of the most authentic, honest and genuine people I've ever met. Those are qualities I seek out in ALL of my friendships and/ or relationships. So, given the hypothetical situation of whether or not I would date a recovering alcoholic ( like myself), my answer is YES.

Wouldn't care if she was only a week into recovery..

If she looked anything like Jennifer Lawrence(or better), I definitely would!lol

Why does AA suggest holding off on dating for a YEAR anyway?

I would rather be with someone - better than being alone. In a serious relationship or not.

So if you start a relationship at 7.5 months, its doomed for failure!? I know saying that may be exaggerating a bit, but still.

A whole full year sounds kinda silly..

Then again, im still early in recovery - so I don't know much right now.

That is a perfect statement on a major portion of the problem.

We come in with big gaping holes in our souls looking for someone to "fix" us.

Getting into a relationship with someone who has not progressed very far along the process of healing can have consequences.

One morning she may look over and realize she is NOT Fixed

That you have NOT done your job!

If that happens you may discover that you just THOUGHT you knew what

Restless, Irritable and Discontent was.

As for the Year? It was just picked, stems from the suggestion that you do not make any major decisions or life changes the first year because YOU are changing so much

NO. My "recovering" alcoholic was very active in AA, worked the steps, sharing, volunteering. WAS. He went through the motions and looked real good. He is now sitting in county jail, went on a 2 week bender in anticipation of doing time, left me stuck on the rent, took money from me to pay shared utilities bills and didn't pay them. I am not just working hard on my own recovery, but became a codie also.
"Once bitten, twice shy"

I know some people who have done it successfully. For me it was always disastrous. There are reasons I always preferred relationships with non alcoholics, but I think its a totally individual thing.

lOnly if he looked like your avatar cat! Purple and Pink cats clash with so many others!

I said no because I struggle with a lot of mental health issues on my own and have put myself through too much dating drinkers. I think it's a question of how much risk you are willing to take and in this case the risk and stakes can be high especially if you plan to live together/have children together etc.

Part of it is that I have difficulty leaving someone if they relapse and let it end up dragging me down so that's part of my recovery that I need to work on.