So frustrated
 

I'm 20, in college, and I live with my parents. When I relapsed (8 weeks ago), my mother decided to take my phone and computer away, making it insanely hard to communicate with anyone. I work as a tutor, and often I NEED my phone to communicate with the people I'm tutoring regarding meeting times, etc. I've already missed 4 tutoring appointments and it is making me look back, and threatening my position as a tutor.

I have accepted that I live with my parents and that comes with a lot of rules, etc. and I have been just fine without my phone and my computer, but now that It's threatening the only job I have, how can I convince my mom to give my phone back?

Also, I'M SUPER FRUSTRATED because I hate missing things and letting people down, etc. And I'm in the middle of the library feeling like I'm about to cry, I would love some words of peace right now if anyone has any good suggestions..

Did the phone and computer have something to do with your relapse? If not, it sounds punitive. But they are probably at wit's end trying to come up with something that works to help keep you sober.

Tell your mom what you told us. It's impacting your job. The two of you work out a plan that will allow you to be accountable. Is there something else you will "trade" for the phone privilage.

Perhaps it's time for them to get to an Al-anon meeting.

My phone and computer had absolutely nothing to do with my relapse. My mother knows that I am attached to those two things, so she wanted to take them away to hurt me as much as I hurt her (well, this is my theory anyway).

I would love for my parents to go to an AL-Anon meeting but they are immigrants to this county and do not quite understand, or even respect the idea that alcoholism is a disease... they see it more as I'm willingly participating in deviant behavior.

Sorry it is a frustrating time for you Maybe I am way off base but from what i can read, it sounds to me like your mom has set some healthy boundaries and is enforcing the consequences of not respecting them. I think this is probably a good thing for her recovery and for yours. It may help you to better understand her perspective if you spend some time reading in the "friends and family of" forums. Maybe if You can talk with you mom and assure her that you understand and respect her perspective then it may be possible that she could define the requirements nd timeline for returning the computer and phone. No guarantees though as it is obviously her call.
Good news is that many of us moldy oldies were able to accomplish great things without cell phones and computers! ;) I know times have changed but it is still possible so please do not let this setback become an excuse. You can do this. Keep getting better and thank your mom for her contribution to that process.
Truly wishing you all the best.

I do understand that you are living under her roof, so you have to respect her rules. However, having your phone and computer taken away, which has nothing to do with your relapse, is counterproductive towards your recovery. While she believes that she is being a good mom by punishing you for your relapse, she doesn't see that she may have just hopped on your resentment list.

If my mom took something away from me every time I relapsed, I would have nothing by now. I am ten years older than you, and I really wished I started recovery at your age. Do you have a sponsor? If so, have you bounced some ideas off of him/her? The only thing I can think of at the moment is to have a mature one on one talk with her about how crucial it is to your job. Perhaps you can write some thoughts and ideas down on paper before talking to her? Good Luck.

At least you still have a place to live. I got sober in my late teens. There were no personal computer, or no cell phones. We did have a house phone where calling 30 miles away was a long distance call charged by the minute. I use to carry extra dimes in case I had to make a call on the road at a phone booth. (Crap, now I feel old).

Just work harder making your commitments, get to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, and don't drink. It will get better. It was times like that I kept telling myself, no pain, no gain. Getting sober is tough enough along with growing up. You can't change anyone but yourself so just hang in there.