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Originally Posted by AliceTheWalrus
(Post 3740082)
I am prepared for the physical side effects of early sobriety, but the shame is usually what drives me back to drinking. How have/do you get past that? I like to think that I'm not a bad person, but the shame seems to flood me and the bad parts overwhelm the good parts of me. I think of all the things I've done and said and been when I was under the influence, or looking for alcohol. I do feel positive about this sobriety attempt, and I'm trying to focus on that. But there are still images and memories that make me want to crawl under my bed and hide. I am ready to quit, absolutely ready. Just a little scared to see who I am on the other side... My doctor identified a bunch of depressive symptoms and he said how these might be from the alcohol, or they might be the real me, but he seemed to imply that it's likely from the alcohol (which of course is a depressant). It's a daunting thing to think that maybe a large part of my personality/identity is because of a chemical I've introduced to myself. Sorry, rambling. Here we go... :) I'm excited and scared about this, but ready. ...except to dream of getting very very very far away - somewhere warm, with a beach, where I can genuinely start over - and for as long as I have to be here, doing what I can to make the move to not-here possible. Yeah, tough call. Real tough call. |
I carried a LOT of shame around and didn't even know it. A great therapist helped me see what I was doing........the 12 steps in AA helped me stop/grow past it. |
I am prepared for the physical side effects of early sobriety, but the shame is usually what drives me back to drinking. How have/do you get past that? I like to think that I'm not a bad person, but the shame seems to flood me and the bad parts overwhelm the good parts of me. I think of all the things I've done and said and been when I was under the influence, or looking for alcohol. I do feel positive about this sobriety attempt, and I'm trying to focus on that. But there are still images and memories that make me want to crawl under my bed and hide. I am ready to quit, absolutely ready. Just a little scared to see who I am on the other side... My doctor identified a bunch of depressive symptoms and he said how these might be from the alcohol, or they might be the real me, but he seemed to imply that it's likely from the alcohol (which of course is a depressant). It's a daunting thing to think that maybe a large part of my personality/identity is because of a chemical I've introduced to myself. |
Great thread. Thank you, everyone, for your responses! |
The shame of picking up yet another desire chip was huge. But my sponsor made made go each time. Until I finally picked up my last one. Once you work the steps the shame of past actions will go away. If you don't change nothing will change |
Thank you all again. I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day, hung over and miserable. I realised I'd been drinking so long and avoiding myself for so long that I hadn't noticed all these changes to my face. A spot here, a wrinkle there... The biggest thing I have taken to heart from your replies: There is no shame in the FUTURE, just the past. So I am focussed on the future, and trying to acknowledge the past, but not dwell on it. I cannot ignore it of course, because I want to remember the reasons why I'm made this commitment to a true life. |
Originally Posted by tehmazzyland
(Post 3741743)
This is the most difficult part of sobriety for me too... and I simply do not know how I deal with it... ...except to dream of getting very very very far away - somewhere warm, with a beach, where I can genuinely start over - and for as long as I have to be here, doing what I can to make the move to not-here possible. Yeah, tough call. Real tough call. |
This is true, but I'm ok (mostly)(ish)(on a good day) with me now - just not me back then. Only, I'm forced to deal with me back then more than the me now appreciates. Plus y'know. A beach. Warm climate. Sun. SUN! (Which at the moment feels like a vicious rumour. What is this 'sunshine' they show on television films, but some strange trick of CGI fangledness? Weather is all rain, and grey, and grey rain. Bah!) :P |
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