Bad Influence
 

This may make little sense....I know, This is a stupid rant.

Let me tell you, some bad influences when I was a kid. I was programmed to think booze and drugs were AOK, I may tell you of my personal regrettable situation:

These people promoted it to me when I was a kid:

Ace Frehley
Jimmy Page
Jimmy Hendrix
The 60's dope movement
Jim Morrison
Eddie van Halen
80's Head Culture
Brian Jones

The 1st and last were biggies, one lived and one died. All these drug addicts were in my space when I was seven years old. And they had a big influence on my life.

Long and short is I have always had positive reinforcement toward alcohol.
This forum is one of the few against.

And now I after a recent 41 day absence from booze have again thrown in the towel. (few days ago)

I don't know how to live without it. I feel angry that I was led into this at a young age as it was some sort of cool thing to do. NOW read that again as I had no reason other than my teenage idols to think booze was cool.

I heard EVH gave up Val cause he just wanted to be a drunk. And EVH is like my God.

Did I say I felt this was a promoted lifestyle? I learned how to play guitar and idolized the high that gave you, then it was better with some weeed (stopped long ago) but even better with all three, because EVH could do it all and I was 12 years old.

Skip 30 years and I KNOW I'm programmed to love drugs,

And have spent three bad years trying to reverse my love of it.

I don't need to ask why I'm such a bad boozer,

They say A tiger can't change it's spots, I am starting to feel this way.

I spend most of my day in a booze coma, and the end is near with a mountain of bills that , ohhhh, and i have stopped opening mail.

I want to get out, out out out!.

I have a habit of talking to myself like I am someone else? You need to...

see that everything said starts with "i" - Selfish alcoholic.

I am

Welcome back spacestation.

You're not a kid anymore. None of us are.

Look around - there's THOUSANDS of people here who turned their back on the way they used to live and think - some of us lives and thought that way for 20, 30 years.

You can join us or not. It's up to you.
It's a lot of work.

Some are prepared to do the work. Some aren't.

It's got nothing to do with destiny predisposition or fate.

That's just the BS we feed ourselves to absolve ourselves of responsibility.

I know what you mean. Rock music along with many other styles, but mainly rock, has promoted the gluttonous consumption of alcohol.

I went through the not opening the mail years ago cause i really didn't care. That's a sad time. People bugging for money. That feeling itself made me drink harder. Please don't do that. There are other ways to handle it by calling them up and discussing some sorts of payments.

This is my second day dry from a 3 day bender. I'm finally starting to feel better.

I hope you quit soon. Maybe we can have pretty much the same sobriety date.

I solved the mail problem. The last 1 1/2 years of my practicing my addictions
I lived on the streets of Hollyweird.

I started my drinking at age 12 and found recovery 3 weeks shy of my 36th
birthday.

I have a very dear friend here where I live that is 72 years old. She also
started drinking at 12 years old and she didn't find recovery until she was 50
years old. She too feels like she was given a second chance and does not
know how she managed until she was 50 (also lived on the streets at the
end of her practicing addiction, only for much longer than I did, 5 years).

(((((Spacestation)))))

You can do this. I too had many influences in my younger years affirming
that drinking was good for one (all of my family).

If you want sobriety and recovery you can do this. Becoming a member
here is an excellent first step toward a sober future. There are many on
here who have found recovery and they are more than happy to share their
Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) with you and with others.

Please keep posting, you can do this, and you are not alone!!

Love and hugs,

I know where you are coming from Space, I also was influenced a lot by the party hard lifestyle of rock n roll as a teenager/kid. And even sober I sometimes ignore my mail. But you have to make your own decisions. Even with the bad influences you don't have to live this way.

Yep. I was in the music industry where it is not only accepted but promoted to do drugs and drink on the job.

Now seems like all the old rockers are in recovery. (ones that lived, anyhow)

I often wonder if we were addicts first, which is why we choose the path of least resistance, or if it really was a bad influence.
Now, I think nothing would have prevented me being this way.

I'm really f'd and Dee hates when I come around.

If you even moderately think you have a drinking problem, then quit and put your money in a jar.

Or, you can spend $26000 on booze and then have to try to understand your financial downfall.

I hate this and I hate that, but the two brain cells I have left say mabie there is a chance?

Is there a chance?

When I (I) get to such a turning point. I fall back but guess what..I have not a thing to fall back on.

I will be homeless and dead soon.

I think that is the way it was to be, What a ****** life, just Shamefull.

But now of course a ray of hope? Can it be?

This back and forth is occuring all the time. Dont get into Booze... you will regret it.

Not at all.

In fact I'm always pleased when old faces come back because I reckon that means there's a desire for change :)

I don't think you're f'd either - no more than I was anyway.

There is another way to live your life tho and I really hope you decide to go for it :)

D

I think it depends where your focus is Spacestation. A lot of my heroes were/are alcoholics. And I certainly didn't have any sober role models growing up. My parents friends who were alcoholics all drank themselves to death. I didn't think I had another option. But that was the booze talking. Since getting sober I have made contact with one sober family friend (23 years!) and found out that a lot of my heroes were/are recovering alcoholics too :) Do a google search and you might be surprised. I think there is a natural tendency for the media to focus on peoples negative life stories. There is hope and you can do this! x

FWIW Spacestation, Ace Frehley, although he certainly did his share of drugs and alcohol, has cleaned up his act and is now 6+ years sober.

You can do it too.

OK today is too late. Tomorrow then. Yes why not.

I know you are in Canada and your health system is different than ours, but I
also know that there is help for you.

Maybe some of our Canadian members could post some places that he might
call or go to to ask for help???

In the meantime, .............................. it is good to see you posting again.
You can do this!!!!! We who have been where you are now, and some of us
in even worse shape have made it, so can you!!!

Love and hugs,

I only went to one treatment centre - Renascent. It's in the Toronto area. They charge if you need to get in ASAP (like me), but you can get on a list and it's covered by the government. There are a few other places in the area as well, I think Bellwood is one. Lots of transition/sober living housing around here as well.

Just not sure where you're from spacestation, but certainly some treatment centres and all detoxes (those attached to hospitals that is) are free in Ontario if I am not mistaken, as long as beds are available. Outside of that, it would be something to look up.

Thanks Paul - you jogged my memory...I knew I had a link somewhere :)

I really hope there's something here that can help you, space :)

Addiction Treatment Services in Canada

D

Space, you might have had positive images of alcohol and drugs, but I certainly didn't, and turned out alcoholic anyways.

None of my role models or mentors abused substances, I feel like the education system did a good job on warning me of the dangers, and certainly my mother hammered away at them continuously. I knew full well the road I was embarking on when I took that first drink and have no one but myself to blame.

I still blame Brian jones. I'm not blaming myself.

At this point I cannot handle another personal defect.

Brian was everything I wanted to be, including dead from overconsumption. You see this occured early in my life and it is tough to try a different way of thinking.

A resentment is a resentment, whether justified or not. Maybe it's time to forgive and be in the solution.

The relationship between art and alcohol is old and complex. It's hard not to make a mess of it. Two of my heros growing up were Hunter Thompson and Jack Kerouac. I actually think I took away some good stuff from that and I blame myself entirely for my alcohol problems. I hope you give it a shot again. 41 days is huge.

You don't have to blame yourself. Being an alcoholic isn't an personal defect, it's just a fact. It's one thing you can't change. That doesn't mean you have to drink yourself to death though. I can't remember where I read this but 'Being an alcoholic isn't a choice but seeking treatment is' x

It wasn't only Rock stars(although I played in a band for 15+years) for me.
It was also television. John Wayne and Clint Eastwood always had a bottle.
Also Gunsmoke, Matt Dillon was always in the Longbranch with "Miss Kitty" pouring him a drink or "rounds on the house". But Matt Dillon would keep drinking but never get drunk. It used to be a way of life.
But we really need to stop focusing on the things we can't change,like the past. And focus on the things we can,like the future,and breaking old habits. I wasted 30 years of my life chasing the 5 Oclock high. I can't do anything about those 30 years. They are gone. But I can focus on what lies ahead and that IS something I can change.
Fred