Originally Posted by spacestation (Post 3685504)

This may make little sense....I know, This is a stupid rant.

Let me tell you, some bad influences when I was a kid. I was programmed to think booze and drugs were AOK, I may tell you of my personal regrettable situation:

These people promoted it to me when I was a kid:

Ace Frehley
Jimmy Page
Jimmy Hendrix
The 60's dope movement
Jim Morrison
Eddie van Halen
80's Head Culture
Brian Jones

The 1st and last were biggies, one lived and one died. All these drug addicts were in my space when I was seven years old. And they had a big influence on my life.

Long and short is I have always had positive reinforcement toward alcohol.
This forum is one of the few against.

And now I after a recent 41 day absence from booze have again thrown in the towel. (few days ago)

I don't know how to live without it. I feel angry that I was led into this at a young age as it was some sort of cool thing to do. NOW read that again as I had no reason other than my teenage idols to think booze was cool.

I heard EVH gave up Val cause he just wanted to be a drunk. And EVH is like my God.

Did I say I felt this was a promoted lifestyle? I learned how to play guitar and idolized the high that gave you, then it was better with some weeed (stopped long ago) but even better with all three, because EVH could do it all and I was 12 years old.

Skip 30 years and I KNOW I'm programmed to love drugs,

And have spent three bad years trying to reverse my love of it.

I don't need to ask why I'm such a bad boozer,

They say A tiger can't change it's spots, I am starting to feel this way.

I spend most of my day in a booze coma, and the end is near with a mountain of bills that , ohhhh, and i have stopped opening mail.

I want to get out, out out out!.

I have a habit of talking to myself like I am someone else? You need to...

see that everything said starts with "i" - Selfish alcoholic.

I am

Originally Posted by TrixMixer (Post 3688488)

Spacestation !

Why don't you go back to your post of Nov 2011 at 9 days sober. Read it!-What happened to that guy, are you one in the same? If so just read it and begin again with the plan you had then.

The "I was conditioned to be a drunk at 7 by my "Rock Star Idols" is getting a little old, just like they are. Think of how good looking Ron Woods would be today if he "just said No".

Forgive me but I really think you have to ask yourself if you really want a sober life, cause it sounds like you have various lists at your disposal for Failure.


Read what you posted! Seems still using the "Rock Star Idol" set-up for failure is getting a little old or dead, just like they are.

Originally Posted by spacestation (Post 3697405)

Wish I had never brought it up. The whole point is that the conditioning took place at a young age. Not like this is still sometihing I continue with.
I will go and see my prior posts, Thanks. SS

Originally Posted by zanzibar (Post 3697479)

I used to have every excuse in the world as to why I was a drunk.

-I grew up in an alcoholic family Boo Hoo poor me.
-All my friends were drunks Boo Hoo poor me.
-I grew up in the sixtys and early seventys so all my rock idols were drunks and druggys. Boo Hoo poor me.
-It was the culture of the Army Boo Hoo poor me.
-I have ptsd Boo Hoo poor me.
-My wifes a drunk Boo Hoo poor me.

But I was only finally able to quit when I stopped blaming everything under the sun, and finally accepted the fact that I was responsible for me being a drunk. Not anyone or anything else.

If you prefer to have those people you listed help you that's fine, because they all either sobered up, or are dead.

So ask yourself; do you want to be like the ones who sober up, or the ones that died.

Originally Posted by Dee74 (Post 3697527)

I think everyone here is trying to help, space.

If you don't want to hear what we have to say, you don't have to stay logged in...
but I hope you will....

I remember being lost in my own despair as a terribly lonely place to be.

D