Downward Spiral
 

I am 39 now I started drinking when i was 14 usual story quiet and awkward teenager then found drink and wow it blew my mind, literally. Fast forward a few years mid 20's life seems to be cutting me no slack, no job no future I attempted suicide taking pills cried myself to sleep and when i woke up cried as i was still alive. I got past that and managed to get a good job and life is good again. Fast forward to my 30's few failed relationships and came round blacked out in a hedge doing 60 mph in my car, few too many drinks but oh well live an learn? Suffering from bullying and harrasment in work and my alcohol intake increases to 1- 2 bottles of wine a night, as its the one thing that makes me feel good. Living at home now but saving to buy a house so it will all be good. Fast forward cple of years and i am mid 30's work is intolerable bullying getting worse, panic attacks and paranoia really bad can't stand it start to act a bit irrational but have my old friend drink to help me through. Age 35 Fired from work as i sent emails with profanitys in them etc, I send them when i come in first thing still drunk from drinking the night before. Now drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night. I am 39 now have not been out socially now for about 5 years, apart from to buy my alcohol. Now i Think of it last time i didn't drink was last March and that was because I tried suicide and was vomiting blood the whole next day and night...I even tried to drink the next night but just brought it straight back up. I am now drinking upwards on 3 bottles of wine a day and have been for the last 3-4 years. It is a routine now for me soon used to be 6pm then 5 pm now try and make it to 3pm before i start and i drink alone in the house as i am afraid of blacking out again in public and who knows where that would end up.

I'm sorry for all you are going through. Being bullied at work sounds awful.

Sounds like you need to see a doctor about your drinking. Stick around here and read. There are lots of different ways to recover. It can be done.

geoffduke, welcome to SR.

Being here is certainly a huge step in the right direction. I'm also 39 and started drinking at 14. Its never to late to change believe me mate.

So pleased you're here. :grouphug:

Thank you aeo1313 and Jimuk. What brought me here was a google search i done, which was how long does it take to drink yourself to death. Guess some people in here have wondered the same thing

Believe me when I tell you (as someone who nearly bled to Death from Vomiting Blood)....it's not a good way to go.

(drink yourself to death) Some of us have nearly succeded.


I searched the net after realizing if i didn't do something soon it was going to be to late. Best choice i ever made, 15 days sober today - ok its not been easy but if i can, you can.

I know i spent a day and night vomiting blood and I had two choices to either go to hospital or wait it out and scared though i was i decided to wait it out, as i knew that organs can take time to break down

15 days thats some going, nice one I cant go 15 hours! !hat were you drinking up to then mate

You might be surprised to find that much, if not all of the Depression, Anxiety, Paranoia, Panic Attacks, as well as the Nausea and Vomiting Blood tends to Evaporate after some Time and Distance from your last Drink. The Suicidal stuff is so unnecessary. It's not that anyone wants to die (especially that horrible way). It's just that they can't bear go on living with the misery of Alcohol anymore. Change the way you are living is not always easy, but it is always better.

That's what your Alcoholic Brain (which is a Bald Faced Liar BTW) wants you to believe. You are a lot stronger than what you think.

Goeffduke,

Would it be possible to take a leave of absence from your job a take some time to detox and take care of your body and spirit? If you have health insurance and an EAP, they could help you out.

Bullying is no fun. And if you are already compromised by feeling sick mentally and physically, you can't handle it as best you could.

Thanks for joining us. Hopefully we can help you as you help yourself.

Geoff your 39 - got a big mile stoe birthday coming soon!
You deserve better than this - googling how to die of drinking on a sunday night mate!

I'm 39 soon, so similar age.
I cannot imagine going back to my old life now.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Instead of starting drinking at 3.00pm, why not be walking out of a just ending AA meeting with new sober friends that understand?
On your way home to relax, bathe and eat before attending your next meeting?

Why not look at voluntary work.
Yes it's unpaid, but it's a start to show potential employers you are learning new skills and wanting to get back to working.

Don't socialise to drink.
Socialise to go to the cinema, go out for meals, go for a long hike in the hills, take up a sport, go shopping.
Drinking and all that goes with it is deadly boring and brings with it a stack of problems.

I think a chat with your doctor might be a good place to start.
He/she could be very understanding.

In your 40th year, life could have a whole new meaning....


I wish you the best

xxxx

I first attempted suicide when I was 11 before i started drinking. Drinking then aneathetised the suicidal thoughts but they are always there. I can not go for job interviews now i feel so bad anxious and panicky I can not even go and claim benefits, I tried once and walked out as I can not deal with this feeling inside me. I would say i am a lost cause to be honest. Plenty of times ive stepped onto roads without looking hoping to get hit as i thought lately that suicide would look bad for my family but right now i am thinking who really cares and this is just a torment day in and day out

Geoff, have you ever sought Treatment (Medical or otherwise) for the Drinking or related symptoms? What is the longest stretch you have been completely sober recently?

[QUOTE=Slits;3580298]Geoff, have you ever sought Treatment (Medical or otherwise) for the Drinking or related symptoms? What is the longest stretch you have been completely sober recently?[/QUOTE

I could say that there are 2-3 days in last 6-7 years that I haven't had a drink. And for all them years i have passed out every night

And sorry Slits no I haven't had treatment for it my doctor did the bloodtests and warned me but i didn't go back to him

Ok, so would it be fair to say that what you have been doing (Drinking all the time) isn't working? It's making things worse? Maybe time to try something else (coming here is a good start)? I was amazed how fast my Depression lifted after I stopped Drinking Two Litres of 80 Proof Depressant every day.

That sounds lovely not having alcohol ruling your life and being able to do normal things, maybe it will happen. Thank you Sasha I suppose it takes you to reach rock bottom to start looking up

Sorry I am in the Uk is 80 proof 80% if so wow that is strong what is your background then how did u start what made u think enough is enough

80 Proof is 40% Alcohol. What most Liquor is. Gin and Vodka where my Drug of Choice but I would Drink anything (including Mouthwash). Came from Family of Tee Totalers. Cut loose at 18 and made myself an Alcoholic after many years of heavy drinking. First serious attempts to quit were in '06. Several severe Binge Relapses since then with two near Death requiring Hospitalization. Alcohol no longer brings me any relief or euphoria. Only Misery and Unhappiness followed by Excruciating Withdrawl/Detox. It was just a matter of ignoring my Alcoholic Brain and listening to my Sober Brain. Why inflict that kind of inordinate suffering on myself if I don't have to? 54 Days since my last two week relapse and I am still determined never to go back. The improvement in my quality of life and happiness is just too substantial to throw away so I can consume a stupid chemical that only makes me sick and miserable.
http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...24679777_n.jpg

That is good 54 days now sober you have got yourself well on the road and It must feel good Slits to not wake up every day feeling crummy and counting it down till u have to start it all over again. How long were you drinking if you don't mind me asking

Age 18 to 49 (present). Periods of Sobriety interspersed. I quit for 6 1/2 Years when my Daughter was born in '91. Could have saved myself untold Suffering and Heartache if I would have stayed that way. Learned the Hard Way. Nobody can tell you where your "Rock Bottom" is. You find it yourself. I called mine "The Devil's Triangle". It is the Triangle path between my Nightstand with a Bottle of Liquor on it, the Bathroom, and my Bed where I would stay passed out 24/7, sometimes for Weeks on end. That would pretty much be my entire existence until I couldn't stand it anymore.

I know what you mean The Devils Triangle exists here too, it is a lonely place and a cold place for comfort.

Geoff this is how I envisage YOUR life.....
It's yours for the taking xxxx

So glad you are here, Geoff. I just want to assure you that you can get better and that a group like this can be of tremendous help. We are here for you and we are pulling for you, man.

Congratulations on taking the first step towards your recovery.

:You_Rock_

It has always been the same I can't help it that I feel this way. I have no reason for living, nothing brings me happiness. I live in a constant cycle of anxiety, fear and I don't see this getting any better. If anything it is getting worse steadily over the years, only one way to end this.

I chose to be there and I chose to leave.

Yes, by going to see your doctors!
I joined SR in March, I have liver disease caused by drinking. I got detoxed in hospital, was there for a month, fed by a tube, got out, kept off the booze, and I'm healing well, thank you :)

I suffer from anxiety/depersonalisation, I'm going to get treated for it with cognative behavral therapy... so thats a work in progress... that was my story very condensed! Good luck to you... YOU CAN DO IT :) x

It feels good to talk about it especially to people that understand.

....come Marvel at your own Alcoholic Brain as it actively Lies to you.