This is one of the better series of posts I've seen on here & a true example of 'we wre not in this alone'. Every post was helpful to someone here. This is a major hurdle to clear in recovery and it does take work. I feel the same way and I have to still carry some baggage of my past with me because I really screwed up. I can't drive for 10 years. Everyday as I peddle my butt to work I see illegal immigrants pass me by with out of state tags..I try to let it go...but it's there on a daily basis. I forge on, knowing that drinking will NOT make my situation better. Almost 16 months sober, I made it thru a jail sentence because of my mistakes...I'm still sober, the steps, going to meetings have given me an anchor in stormy seas. I pray & hope daily that it will get better for all of us! Thanks to all who posted!

(((((tiger1)))))

Back when I got sober, about the only 'game' in town was AA. Yeah I know I am ancient, roflmao

Now when I came into AA I had no use whatsoever for organized religion, but was certainly willing to try anything at that point, after all I had already died in the ER.

I got a sponsor who was a very spiritual woman in her own right. I was not judged by her or her husband (also long time AA) who had a Doctorate in Theology, for my lack of 'like' for organized religion, and they were I would say very careful in giving me alternative 'meanings' to the word "GOD." It helped.

Back then in 1981 there was a man who was starting to be listened to a bit (not in AA), he is still around today and I have many of his books, almost two whole shelves now.

I was very fortunate in that after reading one of his books, he was giving a symposium and my sponsor got tickets for the two of us to go, I was maybe 3 or 4 or maybe 5 months sober at the time.

One of the things he said that day that I took away with me and still have printed out and posted on my refrigerator as a daily reminder is:

"There is NO World Problem that does not have a SPIRITUAL SOLUTION."

Boy when I heard that, my mind just did flip flops. Spiritual Solution. Well hell that is what AA is talking about in the book. Sure there are folks in AA that get to thumping their Bible or whatever, but that is what the book was talking about.

Today, that phrase reminds me daily when I go to refrig to get my morning insulin shot at the start of my day. It reminds me, that there is a solution for whatever pops up today.

That man BTW was and is Deepak Chopra. He is a licensed Internist and practices as an endocrinologist, but also practices alternative medicine. He also teaches as various medical schools and has written 'tons' of books on spirituality and how to live a spiritual way of life in ALL our affairs.

As you continue to grow in your recovery, those 'regrets' will become 'assets' as you work with others and share your own ES&H.

The promise of "you will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." has so come true for me, and it actually was coming true for me at around 1 year sober. When I really really started working with others and in particular got my first sponsee. She 'chose' me because of things I had shared 'about my past.'

All those 'regrets' are no longer that today. I had to go through everything I have gone through to get where I am today. And where is that?

Well, I am sober alcoholic woman, sober many years, who was able to turn her life around, pay off all old debts, got back to school, get a degree, start her own business, retire a step or two above the poor house, lol and live a comfortable SIMPLE full life today. I enjoy my grand children, I volunteer at the animal shelter, I still get to a nursing home now and then to visit with someone who no longer gets visitors, I play a lot, with my fur kids, I get on line, etc etc

Yes, there have been 'curve balls' in my life in recovery, some pretty nasty ones, but I learned fairly early I didn't want to create more 'regrets' and sure as hell if I picked up a drink there would be another big basket of them before I could put the drink and/or drugs back down.

Stick with it tiger, it does get better and better and better.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

In my experience, the best way to deal with regrets is to stop living life in such a way that they keep piling up. When all I had to look at in the rear view mirror was a bunch of stuff that made me cringe, it was hard to avoid feeling regret. But from the very first day I quit drinking, that rear view mirror started collecting things I could be proud of: days without alcohol, family time unblemished by my drunk or hungover antics, fun times I could actually remember...and I started to feel better about myself.

I struggled a lot with depression, regrets and self loathing.

AA has helped me, big time. A mild anti depressant prescription helps. Waking up every morning sober, remembering the day before helps. Every day sober is a day farther away from that person that I used to be.

I used to have CRUSHING days of depression, it was nearly debilitating. Time, talking and some medication have helped me.

The act of confession and "puking out" the bad stuff in my life that you do in the fifth step of AA was very cathartic and therapeutic for me.

All we have is our todays.

The past is gone, we learn.

Step 9 really start to close the door on regret

All i need to do is read about other peoples fight with alcoholism on here and other places online to know that the regrets i have in my life are "small change" . Today i'm alive and sober , i know there are fellow alcoholics who havn't been so lucky .

We might not be able to change our feelings but we can change our perspective and reactions to those feelings .

I was thinking that if you spend too much time regretting then you are going to waist more time that you could be doing things now. I know what you mean though, regretting too much is a mind f**k for sure.

“Never look back unless you are planning to go that way.”
― Henry David Thoreau

I know that feeling - I experienced a time where I felt my gears were "locked up".

I was filled with remorse about the past and afraid about what the future might bring with it (IRS troubles, student loan troubles, evictions, bad credit rating, four years of unemployment preceded by a series of job losses, no references, bench warrants for failure to appear, etc) that I was afraid to move. I felt like a deer in headlights.

The solution for me was to work the middle gear (today) and live it cleanly and honestly; to give it all the right oil by working on my recovery daily, and when my sobriety had developed some legs, to look back at the frozen gear of the past, and chip away at it. Today was always my priority, and when I felt ready, I would allow myself a block of time to look at my financial/legal obligations, all the while keeping up on what "today" brings.

Before I knew it (and it took time, dedication and effort), the past and the present seemed to finally "click" together, and a bright future just seemed to fall in line. It gave me great relief when I decided to accept that what I had to clean up from my past would be presented to me in the order that it was to be handled in. All I needed to get started was to pick up just one thing and get moving on it. Where I was overwhelmed, I sought the advice of others instead of hiding behind my shame. I took the time to see a reputable credit counseling service (even though I had no income) to map out a plan for dealing with the financial issues and help in prioritizing.

You'd be surprised at the response you receive from creditors, the IRS and the legal system when you stop hiding and step into the responsibility of it all.

So today first, work that sobriety, keep at it, don't let the dung heap get bigger by taking care of today, and the rest will fall together with a bit of elbow grease and the power of perserverance. All things in due time.

All my best...

A couple sayings that I repeat to myself when I find myself perseverating over regrets, guilt, shame, and humilation related to my drinking:

"It's not what you've done. It's what you do."

and

"Don't let yesterday use up too much of today."

count your lucky stars.