Article in WSJ Did you guys see this article in the Wall Street Journal? It's been making the rounds lately. I'm not trying to diminish what this guy has done, but publishing an article about how he's cured of sobriety in a major international newspaper is probably not the best way to guarantee long term success... My Secret to Getting Sober - WSJ.com |
If you read step 12 he's basically saying everyone must find their own path. "Step Twelve: Forget Everything You've Just Read If it worked for me, it can work for anyone, right? Wrong. The chances that any of the advice here will work for you are vanishingly slim. So, too, are the chances that reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" will result in your doing either of those things. In truth, all self-help guides are guaranteed to work only for one person: the person who wrote them. The real secret to getting sober, and to repairing all the broken aspects of your life, is to take the time (probably through trial and error) to figure out the causes of your addiction and the aspects of your character that can be pressed into service in curing them. To do that, you'll have to figure out your own list of things you enjoy about drinking (for me: adventures, reckless spending, dating, etc.) and how you can keep those things alive through sobriety. Then you need to figure out what part of your personality will drive you to stay sober (for me: ego)." |
Hi Gonzo. Judging from many of the comments I don't think his advice was very popular. Interesting article, though - I hadn't seen it. Thanks. |
It's worked for two years, so far. Whatever it takes, do it well! :) I wish him forever sobriety! |
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne
(Post 3333609)
If you read step 12 he's basically saying everyone must find their own path. "Step Twelve: Forget Everything You've Just Read If it worked for me, it can work for anyone, right? Wrong. The chances that any of the advice here will work for you are vanishingly slim. So, too, are the chances that reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" will result in your doing either of those things. In truth, all self-help guides are guaranteed to work only for one person: the person who wrote them. The real secret to getting sober, and to repairing all the broken aspects of your life, is to take the time (probably through trial and error) to figure out the causes of your addiction and the aspects of your character that can be pressed into service in curing them. To do that, you'll have to figure out your own list of things you enjoy about drinking (for me: adventures, reckless spending, dating, etc.) and how you can keep those things alive through sobriety. Then you need to figure out what part of your personality will drive you to stay sober (for me: ego)." Your second paragraph is really interesting and I'm going to keep it in mind. I think we have very similar motivators. Any tips on how to maintain a lifestyle of reckless spending and fabulous dating while sober? :) |
I don't like his Step 2:
Originally Posted by PAUL CARR Step Two: Quit Publicly It's perfectly possible to get sober without attending meetings and pouring out your darkest secrets to a group of strangers. Now the bad news: It is impossible for an alcoholic to quit drinking in secret. Absolutely 100% impossible. We alcoholics and former alcoholics have proven ourselves to be very bad at turning down the opportunity to drink... you will cave in to them. Unless, that is, everyone around you knows that to offer you a drink would be not just a bad idea but a hugely selfish and dangerous one. |
I've thought about it a little more and I think the thing that bothers me about this article is not necessarily the steps that he chose or the fact that he isn't doing AA, but that he seems to believe that he has arrived at a destination instead of being on a journey that isn't over yet. Indeed, that will never end. 2 1/2 years is not such a long time. It's when you think you've beat it that you set the groundwork for failure. When I first hit one month, my friend said he wanted to get me a gift to congratulate me. I told him I don't get anything for a measly month. Maybe after a year, that's an accomplishment. After ten years, maybe I'll stop thinking about alcohol so much. But it won't be after I'm dead and gone that one could truly judge if I've effectively controlled my relationship with alcohol. So that was a bit off topic, but I will say at least the 1000 dollar pen sounds pretty nice! |
Originally Posted by GonzoTaxi
(Post 3333646)
I think the thing that bothers me about this article is not necessarily the steps that he chose or the fact that he isn't doing AA, but that he seems to believe that he has arrived at a destination instead of being on a journey that isn't over yet. Indeed, that will never end. |
Step Two: Quit Publicly It's perfectly possible to get sober without attending meetings and pouring out your darkest secrets to a group of strangers. Now the bad news: It is impossible for an alcoholic to quit drinking in secret. Absolutely 100% impossible. We alcoholics and former alcoholics have proven ourselves to be very bad at turning down the opportunity to drink. Unfortunately, the world around us is very good at offering us those opportunities—cocktail parties, dinner parties, birthdays, weddings, happy hours, wakes. As an alcoholic, you will actively—if subconsciously—seek out those opportunities, and you will cave in to them. Unless, that is, everyone around you knows that to offer you a drink would be not just a bad idea but a hugely selfish and dangerous one. When I decided to stop, I wrote an open letter on my blog, explaining that I had a serious problem with alcohol and asking for the support of those around me. Posting on Facebook or Twitter for just your friends would work just as well. If you're worried about your professional reputation if you "come out" as an addict, you might want to consider sending a group email to a dozen or so people you trust. Believe me, word will get around. The key is for people you encounter on a day-to-day basis to be aware that you have a problem and are trying to fix it. Those people are the ones who will be your greatest allies in quitting. This was something "The Washingtonian movement" tried and was ultimately their demise. The press made headlines of any relapse's their members had. |
Originally Posted by Boleo
(Post 3333787)
[Quitting publicly] was something "The Washingtonian movement" tried and was ultimately their demise. The press made headlines of any relapse's their members had. |
It seems like a fluffy piece but I think it might make some people think about their drinking, catch them off guard on the way to work. The WSJ is not where you expect to find this kind of story. What the heck does one do with a thousand dollar pen? |
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique
(Post 3333801)
This is, in fact, the real reason for AA's anonymity tradition. |
Wow, thanks Gonzo (hey sweetie!) I didn't read the whole thing, but I get the gist. It's hard to get past the startlingly arrogant writing style, actually. "100% impossible"??? Who the hell does he think he is? I'm a unique and beautiful snowflake, dammit! Who knows what I'm capable of? So yeah, I agree with your opening post - a public way to ensure that all of us white-knuckling, still-struggling, making it but dammit it's not easy ya smug b@stard (draw a breath) recovering alcoholics kinds hope the git falls off the wagon. Oh, I may draw some heat for that... :D BTW, did anyone else hear Stan from American Day narrating as they were reading it? No? Read it again... England is both sunnier and nicer than Paris, Gonzo. Just thought I'd let you know... :) |
The author of the WSJ article admitted that he has never attended an AA meeting. Though he did a bit of reading, he still did not understand how the term “powerless” is used within the AA context. Anonymity is another of the often misunderstood concepts used in the AA context. The meaning has a spiritual connotation. It’s even referred to as a “spiritual foundation” within AA literature. It takes a while for people to understand how it’s used. It’s another one of those cases where you have to keep an open mind to get it. Nevertheless the author does not seem to have an ax to grind with AA, so perhaps someday he will. |
It's hard to warm up to a guy who celebrates his sobriety by spending one night in each hotel in Vegas. I mean, how much did that cost?! And what was the point? Also, he does sound arrogant, and apparently got deeply involved with "Molly" before taking his (famously inaccurate) mail-in HIV test, so there's another strike. But if this WSJ article reaches some people who were swimming in a vat of red wine and helps them feel they can pull the plug on their habit -per the cute illustrations - , then it will have done some good I guess. The comments are more interesting than the article! Good dialogue. |
Thanks for that. Boy, I pity Molly. Codependent anyone? Well, good luck to him, I suppose. My father gave up drinking 20yrs ago, cold turkey and without a program. (little bit of police and shotguns and suicide attempt thrown in, but sher.....) He is not sober, he is dry. He goes to mass daily. I still don't like him. |
Wow...a recovering alcoholic staying in Las Vegas hotels for a month...completely sober. That is insane haha! |
Originally Posted by GonzoTaxi
(Post 3333646)
I've thought about it a little more and I think the thing that bothers me about this article is not necessarily the steps that he chose or the fact that he isn't doing AA, but that he seems to believe that he has arrived at a destination instead of being on a journey that isn't over yet. Indeed, that will never end. 2 1/2 years is not such a long time. It's when you think you've beat it that you set the groundwork for failure. When I first hit one month, my friend said he wanted to get me a gift to congratulate me. I told him I don't get anything for a measly month. Maybe after a year, that's an accomplishment. After ten years, maybe I'll stop thinking about alcohol so much. But it won't be after I'm dead and gone that one could truly judge if I've effectively controlled my relationship with alcohol. So that was a bit off topic, but I will say at least the 1000 dollar pen sounds pretty nice! As for the article, I'm not as offended by it as some of you seem to be. He was pretty clear throughout that it was only his way of doing things and that everyone should choose their own path. That's not arrogance, that's humility, IMHO. But I can see how those who are ardent AA followers might become defensive, I guess it's only natural when you love a program so much. I get it. But I also think it's important to recognize the fact he's brought an article about recovery to the national stage, and if it helps even one person recognize their addiction, then it's an admirable effort. Take care and be well. :) |
Nice one Vinyl. A sweet generous an level headed alcoholic, it's goin to be nice knowing you :) I actually thought he sounded a lot AA, in that everythin he was saying was in black and white. I love AA, I think it's made uncountable differences to uncountable lives and would (and do) direct people towards it when they're in need. But a lot of its followers talk with a "this is the only way, you have to surrender, if you dont walk the steps you will fail" certainty that I rebel against. I may change. But I won't warm to the writer of the article like I've warmed to my AA friends. Peace xx Haha! Not really. I prefer cheerful conflict :D |
That was a nice vieled brag about the $1,000 pen. 30 days hotel hopping in Vegas? I have been to Vegas like 10 times, and after day 4 I was ready to leave each time. Not sure what you would do on day 11, let alone day 29. |
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