Oh yeah, big Dr. Phil fan. "How's that working for ya?" has made it into my vocabulary. I watch the shows (Oprah and Dr. Phil) when I can wrestle the remote control away from my daughters, which isn't daily. Some you win and some you lose. Do you have kids, Lee?

Hi again MG!

Yes , I have a married son, and 2 grandaughters , but , unfortunately , I have not heard from them for 4 months , a result of 1 too many drunken phone calls ! Christmas was hard for me this year, it is the first time in the last 5 years that i have not had them over for christmas dinner . I was living a long way from them prior to that .

I would not have made it sober thru christmas , if ithad not been for AA, SR, my Sponser, and my HP. But I did not pick up, and I have given the whole situation over to God, and wait on his timing . Patience !! sigh

I watch dr Phil, too, he is quite amazing isn't he ? has he been around long ? We have only seen him out here for about the last 12 months

HUGX
lee

You all are so awesome! Seems like your discussion in blossoming. MG.. didn't know there was a sequel to Under the Influence, just finished it today. Will order the follow-up. Really good info. I started it several months ago but didn't finish. I have many books I need to finish this year! New Years resolution.

I have TIVO so I don't miss an episode of Dr. Phil! What an awesome guy uh! Just love the show on The Family in Crisis.. can't wait to see if they stick it out together.

You can become a member of Dr. Phil online and every week you'll get tid-bits and info, and what the up coming week will bring.

Anyway.. didn't mean to get off topic here just wanted to peek in and see how it's going.... *hugs in recovery*

I could have written that myself. I'm sure a lot of people could have. At the grocery store here, the liquor section is separate from the grocery section - a store within a store. My kids would always be whining about "when are we going to be done?" And then i'd have to stop in the liquor part - Then more whining - "We have to go in there AGAIN?? (groan groan)" followed by mommy shushing them out of embarassment.

I just finished the chapter about exposure, and how we can make the right choices to limit our exposure - such as not going to a grocery store which also sells alcohol! I wrote down some concrete things I can do - I'll elaborate later. In that chapter there is also a bit about "daily will-do's" - daily aversion "flavors" and daily affirmation flavors. I've got a good list, which I plan to work on tonight after work.

Yeah, back to work after 2 week break. I grumble about it, but It'll actually be good for me to get back into a routine.

Take care, all -
I'll post more later. Gotta check in on Weibe -

Jay

HI Chy! Glad you are keeping up - have you ordered the book?

(jab jab in your side, well you never can have enough good recovery books)

I actually never picked up Under the Influence, because I saw the other one first. Was it good?

Jayhay - looks like you jumped into the middle of the workbook. My Exposure is a chapter about recognizing how you encounter drinking opportunities in your everyday life. It probably should be placed in the beginning of the book, actually. Glad that you are reading the part you most need to read first. Good going, way to be!

Well.
Off with the jacket, and zipping up the sweater....
I'm taking off my galoshes and lacing up my sneakers here like Mr. Rogers.
It's time for our daily installment of Recovery By Choice (my M. Nicolaus at unhooked.com - have I said that enough yet?)

So we've been talking about how all the little choices can add up to the big choice to drink, which is what we don't want to do. Are you with me!

"Like a muscle or a mental skill, the power to choose recovery vitally requires material on which to excersize. Given no choices to make or only pseudo-choices, it withers." - Nicolaus, RBC, p9

So we build our positive choice making muscles for recovery by: building our positive choice making muscles! We do it by doing it.

To use the example I refered to the other day: going to the food store at 4pm, pretending I wasn't going to get wine. This is a choice I made a lot which kept me drinking. For such a long time I just couldnt stop buying. Because I was a private at home drinker, NOT BUYING was the toughest part of quitting for me. My mother was the same way. I remember because we lived in a state where one had to go to the liquor store to get all booze, and I had to wait in the car while she went in. Not my happiest childhood recollection, but a great example of what I won't be doing to my kids, right!

I personally had to stop going to the foodstore after 2pm. I noticed that I had the personal strength to want to be sober up until I started the meltdown process each day. Then I factored down my drinking to the first choice that was doing me in: If I don't have wine in the house I won't drink any. If I don't go to the store during my weak hours, I won't get any. Thus, I developed that muscle. Just that one. There are lots of muscles that need work! Now I can trust myself not to buy, but it took time. There are other muscles that haven't gotten enough of a workout yet - family parties. Since I don't go to many, I'm still a wimpy beginner at family parties. Fortunately, I can expect to be family-party-FREE until about Mother's Day!

Is there a choice that you can make differently starting now that will result in you not drinking today? What is that choice?

Here I am on lunch break at work! This computer here p!sses me off. It's windows 95, and slow as molasses in January. I was spoiled for 2 weeks with my nice computer at home with digital cable. how can anyone *live* with less than cable? 56modemK???Yikes. to those of you who have dial-up, I'm so so so sorry for you. ;) (Have to remind myself of those grad school days - *typing* on an *electric* typewriter!!! Oh how wastebaskets I filled up...)

Well, mountaingirl, you sound a lot like me. I was primarily a drink at home type too - in the evenings, because I know I won't be going anywhere. Other than in college, I can honestly say that I've haven't driven while drinking excessively. That is one limit I am able to control. When I know I have to drive, I don't drink. The thing that scares me though, is that while I don't *plan * on needing to drive anywhere, there may be times that I have to for whatever emergency may arise. My hope was that I would be smart enought to call a cab or 911. However, with blackouts and things....I just couldn't trust myself anymore.

I brough my workbook with me to work. So, to continue my thoughts from my previous post, here are my plans to reduce exposure risk:

Going to the grocery store:
Do Not go to the corner market which sells beer and wine among the groceries. If I must go to the bigger store, repeat mantra "walk past the liquor store walk past the liquor store," and do not go after 4:00pm. I have to mentally prepare myself for going there. Otherwise the thought jumps in my head suddenly. Those urges are the hardest to get past. I plan to do most of my shopping at the co-operative nearby. No liquor for sale there. It's more expensive, but also organic, more healthy, and worth it.

Family Gatherings ( my house or their house):
Make family gatherings at my house in the afternoons, with no alcohol. My family likes beer and wine, but are much less apt to drink in the afternnoon, so I don't think anyone would mind.
At other people's houses, I will talk beforehand with husband about not drinking and enlist his support.

we talked about this actually. He said "well, we can try that, but I know that you sneak drinks in the kitchen when no one is in there. So unless you want me to follow you everywhere you go, I'll just have to trust you." He has a good point. So, this takes me to another thing I need to think about. When there is that temptation, what can I do. The first thing that comes to mind is, I do not go into the kitchen (or wherever the alcohol is). If I want a soda, I ask hubby to get it. Sounds limiting, but I think that's what I have to do for now.

Well, got to go catch a couple bites...

Lee, what have you done to limit exposure other than AA? Are there habits you've had to change, or ways of thinking?

Jay

So, no going to the bad store, and at the good store, avert the eyes...Sounds good. Is it working?

As for the afternoon party idea, I like that! And getting your husband to help in any way possible sounds great, as long as you know that you have to trust yourself ultimately. My hubby, bless him, gets weak faster than I do, so I need to be able to depend on myself

As for dialups, I know how awful that is! Your work computer is slower than your home setup, that is funny in itself! Companies to day think they are so state-of-the-art. Hahaha.

Me thinks Lee is asleep. poke poke - Lee wake up!

Yawn! lol here I am ! Just got up, it is 6am here !

Well, choices .....mmmmmmmm

I too was an at home drinker ! So home was quite a trigger for me , and I had to change a good many things !

The main one for me , was my garden! Sounds silly, but it was a huge trigger for me, i would weed, and dig, then believe , even if it was 10 am ,that I deserved a drink! So, early on, I just had to stay out of it and let the weeds grow! :(

I also drank as soon as I got home , before I even took my shoes off ! So , I planned, to take my new dog for a walk as soon as I had had a shower after work, then to water the garden, beore it got dark. by that time , hopefuly , it is time to cook tea, and for some reason, I never felt like a drink, after I had eaten a meal.

God was good to me , when I was caught for DUI, cos i dont have a license now , so it is very difficult for me to " just run down the street" but not so difi\ficult , that I would not , so it is still a choice , not to plan to go.

I actually " chose " to get a new , and cheerful, dog , ( I had had my 20 year old girl, put down , the night I was caught DUI). I rescued this small very cheerful, and bossy dog, and he has saved my bacon. I have to take him for a walk twice a day, or he drives me mad, and he is so humerous, he makes me giggle , A LOT! but he was a choice .

As I did not drink in public , I was fortunate , and do not have to change my outside environment much.

My only family, is my son, his wife and my 2 grandies , and as they are not speaking to , or contacting me at the moment, i have not had to make any choices there yet . but I am confident m there will be many to be made in that area, as contact with thenm ws a HUGE trigger. Gods hanging on to them fir a while, till i can cope with that ! lol

bet you are sorry you aked ME to talk lol

BTW! Long live cable ! I too use a slow comp at work, and it drives me bananas ! " Slow as molassas in january " had me giggling , tho I would have to say " in June " lol

HUGX all
Lee

SLow as molasses in June! heehee. What an upsidedown world you live in! (just kidding of course!) I always wondered what it would be like to have the seasons completely opposite. Growing up here you have the seasons engrained - summer is June-Sept (or so), winter - well, in Wisconsin, -is November-March/april. we have a short spring and autumn. Both beautiful seasons though. Christmas and New year's in Summer?????Bizarre!;)

I love working in my garden too. I don't work in the summer here (Your winter, Lee!) so I have a lot of time in the garden. Last summer was bad bad bad. I often would drink a few beers in the afternoon whilie working in the garden, and the kids were in the pool (little kiddie pool). I don't think it was the garden itself that was the trigger. I think it was just the fact that I didn't have to work that day, and I could drink. Me thinks I may need to get some sort of summer job? (HELP) My brain just doesn't *do* summer work. Mayby I could get a job at a garden center or nursery or something...they always need extra help in the summer. Wheels are turning....

My dog has been my lifesaver in a lot of ways too. She keeps my routine going - somewhat even on the days I don't work. I'm always the first one up in the house (even when I was drinking - feeling like cr@p) (had to put up the front, you know), and I take her on a walk in the neighbor hood. Clears my head, and I get a lot of good exercise. What kind of pooch do you have? WE have a 18 month old chocolate lab - adult body, puppy mind.

Lee, I hope things come around with your son and family. I know it's been tough for you.

Have a great day!
Jay

Thanks for your response Jay ! :)

Well, my dog , ( if I can call him that ! LOL) he is definitely a lower case dog ! only weighs 3 kgs , lol He is a miniture Foxterrier . He was a smelly , soiled piece of fur , when I first found him, I have only had him a few weeks, but he is boss ! :) I love him to death !


You know Jay , regarding the family thing, I DO believe God is taking care of that issue , I have not even been dwelling on it , since I handed it over !Pretty amazing since it was the very first thing I thought of when I woke, and the last at nite .

Anyway , enough from me for now , an AA friend is taking me , the licensless one , out to buy a new stereo, I dont own one, and I am going to start playing music I like ! :)

I know, stupid isnt it , but a long story ! lol

HUGX

Lee

Sounds fun Lee! I love music too - always found it to be very healing, no matter what type of music. I'm lucky that I come from a very musical family - as in talented musicions as well as eclectic mix of music lovers. Have fun stereo shopping! Are you going for all separate components, or an all-in one type set? Whatever you do, make sure the speakers are good. That's the most important part (well, ok - for me anyway. I'm one of those picky audio snobs).

My kids and I have been listening to a lot of old Beatles lately. so much fun so sing along and dance.

take care - got to go to a staff meeting.
Jay

Oh My...I think I've been missing a lot over here! I rarely stray from the Newcomer's site so decided (thanks to you Mountaingirl) to look around a bit and glad I did! What great threads you all have going over here. Hope it is okay for me to join in.

Love,
Laci

Hi Laci, you are more than welcome to join in - the more the merrier!

Jay

Thanks Jay!

Love,
Laci

Whooooo! Hey laci! come join us !

I havent recieved my book yet, but I am just joining in as jay and Mountaingirl post

have fun!

HUGX and LUV
lee

Lee
 

I loved hearing about how you changed things to avoid your triggers and I love the story about your dog. First off, so sorry about losing your previous dog. That's a dreadfully awful thing, isn't it? But, the idea that the demands of a dog can help avoid drinking is great. I had a cat for 17 years who recently died. She didn't need walks, etc. like a dog does, but the fact of having to care for her, feed her twice a day, brush her, etc. was a big help to keep me going when things were tough. It somehow gets you out of yourself. I'm sorry too about your situation with your son and family. It sounds like you're not ready to deal with those issues yet, but that you know you will some day. It must have been sad for you at Christmas and I hope and pray that you will soon be communicating again. He should know that he has a great mother!

Hugs and love,
Anna

Oh! Anna , thank you for your post !
Yes it was a bit hard at christmas, but I was Blessed with wonderful AA friends, and my sponser, I went to an AA Chrissy dinner, and had fun. I was very sad tho, but since I have handed the whole family thing over, I feel so much lighter .

hey ! I brought myself a " sobriety present" today ! A new Stereo! I have never owned 1, and it is great ! I used the booze money I would have spent ! lol

Isn't this a great thread ? I love it !

HUGX
Lee

Hi Lee and all,

I just wanted to also express my sadness that you are having this problem with your son. I would say though that after some sobriety these issues tend to get resolved in your favor, and relationships are better than ever. We will hope that for you in 2004.

I am back at work after 2 weeks vacation. Yuk. But there is lots to do.

See you all later,
Gianna

MG I am ordering the book today!

Glad you are ordering the book Gianna! I've found it to be very helpful so far. And if Mountaingirl is willing to do it again, it certainly must have some great value in maintaining sobriety. It also has 3 and 12 month check-up sections, to check up on yourself and see how you are doing, what you've accomplished r what or need to change.

I'm in a bit of a pickle here - Back at work after 2 week break also, trying to finish a grad course I'm taking to renew my teaching license, *and* trying to do RCB workbook, finish Under the Influence, have a book by Charlotte Davis-Kasl "Many Roads, One Journey: Moving beyond the 12 steps," and want to get the other book mg mentioned (the "sequel" to UTI - was that you, mg?). I can't seem to focus on work! AHHHH. I'm just wingin' it here, but oh well, it's been done before. My priority though, is just not to drink today. Sound reasonable?

Jay