Good point, Dee. That idea had occurred to me. But if I change sponsors, and find someone I 'gel' with better, would there be any point in telling her anyway?

Honesty is key.

She's not going to judge you. It happens.

Hey Sally, I meet my sponsor from time to time but I slipped and am back on the program a week only. I got a sponsor and went to meetings but I never really accepted I was alcoholic until the last binge and its consequences, guilt, shame, remorse, self hatred. I'm not worrying about how I should deal with my sponsor at the minute, I'm just focused on doing the right things for me, going to meetings, keeping everything in the day, chatting to members. I'm immersing myself in all things AA until it becomes second nature I suppose, sitting down and going through the steps will happen in time with a sponsor, I will want to be sure that there the right person for me. I'm sure they'll come my way if I keep doing the suggested things. I wish you well

You're free to do absolutely whatever you think is best - but honesty is key for me too Sally :)

Keeping secrets was a hallmark of my drinking days, and the stress of keeping those many many secrets, and the underlying foolish pride involved, contributed to me drinking for a lot longer than I should have....

You're not the first person to relapse, ever :)
I did it - perhaps your sponsor did too?

D

Hi DayTrader, you made some valid points. To answer your question about my previous sponsor, well it was ME who got fired! Nothing unpleasant- they had just become too busy, gone to work etc. shame, coz we REALLY got on, and I found it really easy to be honesr and confiding.
Also, this current sponsor has unquestionable sobriety -10 years, does prayes and readings every morning and evening, and runs lots of''Big Book Studies".
In many ways I get on with her, but she can be pushy , like insisting I go to hee certain meeting on a Sunday , which does have more of a religious slant...Ummm will have to call her romorrow I guess..

Lol....you won't like this any more than I would of but it sounds like your second sponsor is double what your first one was. A sponsor is a guide through the steps so you can have a similar spiritual awakening.....be reborn as the BB says...so that you can connect with your OWN HP and find solutions to and power to overcome your problems.

I insist MY sponsees hit a specific meeting - 8:30AM on Saturday (LOL) not to be mean but because it's about the ONLY meeting around where ppl konw and discuss the solution. There are very few drunk-a-logs and no messing around. It's solid AA. I also require they show up at my house once a week for our own personal walk through the Big Book. I'll sign a court sheet as 1 or 2 meetings if it goes more than a couple hours but again.....this is mandatory of you want me to sponsor you. If they want to get sober working their own program, never learning the AA program......then so be it......they don't need me for a sponsor and I won't sponsor them.

I "push" them because they need the pushing. Let's face it, when we get to AA if we knew anything about the AA way of life we wouldn't have wound up at a meeting with our tails between our legs. If I had known how to pull of living life happily.....on my own.....I never would have been driven to AA. So.....obviously......anyone new can't possibly know how to live the way the program suggests.......which means a sponsor will do a lot of suggesting. You may not like it but that's a good sponsor's job.

From what I've read....you'd be nuts to change sponsors. It seems you're the one (and again, I mean this with love) who needs to work on acceptance, honestly and some other things. And you don't get to feel bad about that either cuz we ALL had to do the same thing. ;)

:agree

Oh dear .... I just dont think i can face her. The last time i relapsed my old sponsor took it very badly. I'm not sure i get what this 'owning up to teacher' is all about. I havent broken the law, and if i need to tell someone about my relapse shouldnt it be someone who is going to be kind, adult and non judgemental, rrather than someone who is going to treat me like I've been a naughty lttle girl? There is too much tough love in AA, and other recovery programmes, and I think it is something that can be abused sometimes...

Two ways to go here.

You can use this as an excuse to run and blame your sponsor for how bad you're sure she would have made you feel had you been honest with her about getting drunk again after withdrawing from AA, and thank god you had the sense to keep quiet and maintain your distance and not put yourself through that awful but fully imaginary experience.

That way you are correct and perfectly reasonable and self-caring, but likely many drunk months or years further away from staying sober. Plus, by keeping silent you don't lower yourself in anyone's eyes except for those who encounter you when you're drunk and helpless.

The second possible path is to tell your sponsor that after backing away from what was getting between you and a drink, you drank. Her mouth will not drop in amazement. You can bet that she assumed what actually did happen, happened. Because it's classic and common and not in the least out of the ordinary. It's only unusual when a newcomer does the stuff and sticks around.

Yeah, you won't have any credibility for a couple of months and you'll look bad coming back new, but you'll have another chance to get it right. After the few months pass you'll have something of value to share with newcomers who believe they're just peachy now and can slide some. They'll not listen to you anymore than you listened to those who you saw come back in, but you will have a valuable experience to remind yourself of when you get to feeling very well again.

Going the first way you'll suffer a lot and fairly often and continually until you can't stand it and then come back and tell on yourself and start over, with some new adventures to add to the old pile.

The other way you'll tell on yourself and start over now and in a year you could be feeling pretty good most of the time.

I'm personally not into creating pain for myself, but you're the one making the choice here.

I will of course fully support you in your choice of either direction. Because how things go for you either way you choose is interesting to read about with my morning coffee.

I really think you should call your sponsor and tell her what happened. She will know exactly what to say because she knows your situation really well. If you keep this to yourself, you will just be staying on the "I got this" path, which is leading you to drinking again.

You have no idea how your sponsor will take it, but no matter her reaction, it will be better for your sobriety to be open and honest so that you can really learn from your mistakes.

You pretty much have 2 options now:

1. You can learn and change from your relapse, which can be a catalyst for your long term recovery

or

2. You can choose to make your relapse a huge negative event that spirals you out of control again.

If you tell your sponsor, take her advice, make changes to your program, and just really listen to what others are saying, you are taking action towards option 1.

But if you hide your relapse, start lying, continue drinking, and give up...