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Terrible relapse out of nowhere-embaressed to tell sponsor

Old 01-15-2012, 03:41 AM
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Sally1009
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Terrible relapse out of nowhere-embaressed to tell sponsor

Well, that's two months of sobriety down the drain. I should have seen the danger signals - dropping meeting, not calling anyone, especially my sponsor. I feel so alone, so down. What a beast of an illness this is. I know I should tell my sponsor, but just can't face it right now. I had recently done step 5, and just feel demoralised at going back to step 1 again. Oh dear...
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Old 01-15-2012, 03:54 AM
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Stay strong, make sure you tell your sponsor, otherwise it's just that alcoholic voice getting louder! You now see the signs leading up to your relapse - not telling your sponsor is another sign that things could get worse.

I'm sorry you slipped up, but the lessons you learnt in your two months are still valid. From my personal experience I don't know anyone who managed to quit first go (or even second or third go!), so don't beat yourself up too much, but don't let yourself off too easy either.

Find the happy medium, give your sponsor a call, and jump back on the wagon
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Old 01-15-2012, 03:58 AM
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Your sober time is not wasted as you have experienced the benefits of being sober.
You feel right now exactly how someone that is going to succeed should feel.
Tell your sponsor and start again
Keep on keeping on.
Good luck.
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Old 01-15-2012, 04:04 AM
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Now you know this requires some continuing involvement on your part, so something of value may have been learned.

Your sponsor won't be astounded.
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Old 01-15-2012, 04:07 AM
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These things happen in the best of family's...don't be to hard in your self. Others will do that for you.
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Old 01-15-2012, 04:17 AM
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Call your sponsor, Sally, you'll be fine. We've all done the same as you to one extent or the other.
Great lessons for you here. Learn them and move forward. All the best !!

Bob R.
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Old 01-15-2012, 06:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Sally1009 View Post
...and just feel demoralised at going back to step 1 again. Oh dear...
Sally, the Step 5 promises talk about the beginning of a spiritual experience and being able to look the world in the eye. If you have not experienced enough of that to be able to tell your sponsor the truth, then you should
go back to Step 1. Something was missed.

Can I ask, why you did not do Steps 6 and 7 that same day as you 5th Stepped?
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Old 01-15-2012, 06:39 AM
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Don't say 2 months down the drain - that's 2 months of goodness no one can take away!

Best wishes to you in this new day.
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Old 01-15-2012, 06:41 AM
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Tell your sponsor and get to a meeting today. You need to recommit yourself to AA.
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Old 01-15-2012, 07:44 AM
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I know how you feel. But you will never get better unless you can be honest. Call your sponsor. Go to a meeting and pick up a white chip. Or, you can have one of mine

There is no way you can keep the relapse a secret without drinking some more.

I promise you will feel better after you share about this.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:09 AM
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Thanks everyone for your very helpful and encouraging responses. Keithj - I dont know why I didn't do steps 6 and 7. My sponsor just said we will do them soon. To be honest, doing steps 4 and 5 on the same day was shatteringly exhausting - my sponsor is extremely perfectionistic, and it took nearly all day. I doubt if I would have had the concentration to do any more.
I think certainly something needs to be redone. The problem is that I don't feel 100% happy with my sponsor. She is VERY religious, and I am a total atheist; and it does'nt sit right with me to have to keep 'faking it to make it'. It seems the best thing I can do is to change sponsor, but there isn't much choice where I live. Oh well - at least I am sober again.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:19 AM
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Not to get all religious but many time before when I quit I tried church, praying, bible reading, this time the final time I didn’t pressure myself to do any of that, if I fell like it I do it, otherwise I don’t, I am not even sure where my faith lays, somewhere on the agnostic fence and I fall over in the pastor or faith at times, anyway, to thy self be true.

Decide if you are going to be sober for the rest of your life, then stay that way, the rest of it will work out with time and patience.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:48 AM
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Please do get back to basics....and yes! that means Step 1.
Prayers for clarity coming your way....
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Old 01-15-2012, 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Sally1009 View Post
I think certainly something needs to be redone. The problem is that I don't feel 100% happy with my sponsor. She is VERY religious, and I am a total atheist; and it does'nt sit right with me to have to keep 'faking it to make it'. It seems the best thing I can do is to change sponsor, but there isn't much choice where I live. Oh well - at least I am sober again.
I'm a dyed-in-the-wool agnostic Sally ... I'm not near smart enough to be an atheist.
You are probably getting hung up on Step 2 as I did. Remember, Step 2 is a process and I don't "fight' it nearly as bad as I used to

You'll get it. Best of luck .

Bob
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Old 01-15-2012, 11:40 AM
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Sally
It’s ok to start over – it happens – sponsors know that and should understand that – give her a call and get it over with at least – the moa you procrastinate, the worse you’re going to feel

As far as “fake it til you make it” – man I hate that! I’ve been sober for awhile and I still need to do that – because it WORKS. It helps to keep me from wallowing in my crap – from staying depressed, angry, whatever. When I can MAKE myself get out of my head, even for a bit, it helps me change my mood, change my pattern of thinking bad thoughts (“stinking thinking”), etc, etc. It gives me a bit of a break at least. Sometimes it works for an entire day! It has helped (at times!) keep me from being TOTALLY miserable which in turn has helped keep me sober. And THAT is the point. So I keep combing my hair, cleaning the apartment, going to meetings, calling people – even when I don’t want to – because I am SUPPOSED TO. Because someone told me years ago that it works and so far they’ve been right. Go figure.

Hang in there! It gets better!

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Old 01-15-2012, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Sally1009 View Post
Well, that's two months of sobriety down the drain. I should have seen the danger signals - dropping meeting, not calling anyone, especially my sponsor. I feel so alone, so down. What a beast of an illness this is. I know I should tell my sponsor, but just can't face it right now. I had recently done step 5, and just feel demoralised at going back to step 1 again. Oh dear...
Nearly all of us have tried to stop drinking and failed at some point in our lives. Don't let the disease convince you to stay away from AA or have it elevate your pride to the point where you avoid telling your sponsor it happened.
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:01 PM
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Hi everyone, thank you so much for your replies. I'm proud to say I'm still sober, and the craving has gone. But ashamed to I havent been able to get up the courage to tell my sponsor about my relapse.
I have problems with this sponsor from the very beginning- she was a 'rebound sponsor' from my previous one, who was wonderful, and so much more easy to talk to, and a lot less bible thumping.
So I think I need to fire her in the gentlest, kindest way possible.
Any thoughts or suggestions?

Last edited by Sally1009; 01-17-2012 at 03:06 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:16 PM
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Whether you fire her or not is up to you - but I'd tell her anyway first - that way at least you can be sure you're not thinking of moving on simply to avoid 'coming clean'

D
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:23 PM
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Sally, if I recall, you havent been happy with your sponsor for some time. It's up to you to take some action here, even though I know it's difficult.

Being honest about how you feel is key. She's been a big help up to this point but at this point you're just getting what you need. If she asks for specifics, give them to her. Tell her that you're having problems relating to some of what she says since she is religious and you are not.

It's not about judging her for being religious, which I don't think you're doing here.

If she takes it personally (and she may) that's on her.
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:23 PM
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I can't say that moving on from her is necessarily in order. I've got a spiritual adviser who reads a lot of the Koran and several who are Buddhists while I'm catholic. If we're working AA as it should be, these differences aren't brought into play. There's something to be said about tough sponsors, yanno? Many of the best message-carriers I know in AA had really tough sponsors.

I hate to talk too much AA outside the 12Step forum as it tends to irritate ppl and usually brings out the usual suspects and their "that's why AA doesn't work.....bla bla bla" stuff but I will say a couple things. What happened to sponsor 1? Why'd you leave her? Is sponsor 2 bringing a bible to meetings or is she just talking a lot about the God of her understanding and you're not cool with that yet? Is she telling you to seek God or is she telling to seek HER God (one's great, the other not so great).

If she doesn't know the program, hasn't had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps and/or can't show you how to do the same.......those are pretty good reasons. If you don't respect her or don't trust her because of her actions......those are good reasons too.

From what I read in your first post though, you quit working THE program and began working YOUR program - the one where you're suddenly able to manage your life and your sobriety. It seems you did (as we all do from time to time) the old why do all this nasty step work, go to meetings and get honest........everything's just fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine now..... That's precisely why Bill warned us at the beginning of the steps with "half measures availed us NOTHING." You quit doing what was working and went back to doing what you wanted to do.....

If you're a real alcoholic...... OF COURSE YOU DRANK. And if your sponsor is any kind of recovered alkie, she'll understand exactly where you're coming from and advise you whether she thinks the two of you can work together or not or if maybe it would be to your and her advantage if you found someone else.
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