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Welcome Phoenix, It sounds like you're ready to change your life, and I sure understand how awful it feels to not know what you did while you were drinking. It's so scary! There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting. |
hello, my name is ALLY and to be completely honest i do have an addiction to narcotics, alcohol, and longing for acceptance through my mother and men. All i want is for my mother to accept me and not betray my trust. Example, she is really good at manipulating me into thinking she actually wants to listen and give advice, but then as soon as a disagreement comes up she throws it in my face. Pretty much, she calls it tough love and i call it verbal abuse. Consatantly telling me when i was younger that i was a **** and a ***** and worth nothing and honestly after you hear it so much you tend to start believe it. Now, that i think about it i take it as her being insecure with herself and her depression/bi-polar illnesses. I have been put through a lot in my life things that no child should endure. As far as sexual abuse by my mother's ex-boyfriend. I have only told a few people in the confidence that they will not judge me. I have a lot of supressed feelings towards my mother. Well, her mother did not have a mother because she died when my grandmother was 4. Honestly, i feel that my mother is numb as far as her feelings about her childhood. I was told that is was no prize to live with. So, istead of having that nurturing feeling that a mother should have towrds her child she seriously blamed my mother for causing her to have a mental breakdown when she up and impulsively moved out bc she couldnt take the aspect of control. So, needless to say i have become a product of my own environment and my thoughts. Honestly , i run through men like the fact that my mother and father divorced when i was around 6-7 and honestly i am just coming to accept the fact that my dad really did try he just couldn'y deal with her control. And i seriously talk and walk on eggshells around her bc she scares me and i know she knows bc i told her but she preys on it. |
Hi and welcome Pheonix! I have found that this site is a great place and that you can be free to share your thoughts and struggles without being judged. I wish you the best in your journey |
It did go well, Dubby! :)
Originally Posted by Reed22
(Post 3024113)
Hi and welcome Pheonix! I have found that this site is a great place and that you can be free to share your thoughts and struggles without being judged. I wish you the best in your journey
Originally Posted by becoming
(Post 3023326)
So glad you figured out how to PM me PF! Awesome that you appreciate HP and Tool! I love Dubby. My wife and I just went to the Wizarding World in May, it was awesome!! Tool is one of my favorite bands = ) Not sure if you are a NIN fan, but name is partially inspired by the song becoming off the downward spiral. Hope all goes well tonight! |
I'm not alone now.
Originally Posted by Zebra1275
(Post 3023082)
It sounds like you won't be able to recover on your own, many of us have tried and failed. I would suggest medical help for any detox issues and a program of recovery, for me that is AA. |
Dear PinkFuzzy Thanks for dropping on in this board. Sounds like you are also going through some big challenges at the moment. Would you like to open a new thread to talk about what's going on for you? Then we can all welcome you to the Forum where I am sure you will find lots of support. Do keep posting and we're here for you any time. |
Hi PFuzz
Originally Posted by pinkfuzzys4u
(Post 3023985)
hello, my name is ALLY and to be completely honest i do have an addiction to narcotics, alcohol, and longing for acceptance through my mother and men. All i want is for my mother to accept me and not betray my trust. Example, she is really good at manipulating me into thinking she actually wants to listen and give advice, but then as soon as a disagreement comes up she throws it in my face. Pretty much, she calls it tough love and i call it verbal abuse. Consatantly telling me when i was younger that i was a **** and a ***** and worth nothing and honestly after you hear it so much you tend to start believe it. Now, that i think about it i take it as her being insecure with herself and her depression/bi-polar illnesses. I have been put through a lot in my life things that no child should endure. As far as sexual abuse by my mother's ex-boyfriend. I have only told a few people in the confidence that they will not judge me. I have a lot of supressed feelings towards my mother. Well, her mother did not have a mother because she died when my grandmother was 4. Honestly, i feel that my mother is numb as far as her feelings about her childhood. I was told that is was no prize to live with. So, istead of having that nurturing feeling that a mother should have towrds her child she seriously blamed my mother for causing her to have a mental breakdown when she up and impulsively moved out bc she couldnt take the aspect of control. So, needless to say i have become a product of my own environment and my thoughts. Honestly , i run through men like the fact that my mother and father divorced when i was around 6-7 and honestly i am just coming to accept the fact that my dad really did try he just couldn'y deal with her control. And i seriously talk and walk on eggshells around her bc she scares me and i know she knows bc i told her but she preys on it. |
inkfuzzys4u....Welcome...:wave: |
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