Where am I at?
 

Hey people.

Not sure what to write. Been on here before about this... I was more or less like "I want to quit but don't feel like it". It was on some other name though (under a nowdays deleted e-mail).

Anyhow. At the moment i'm not sure where I'm at. It feels like things are going up and down alot. Still sometimes it feels like a pattern. Like when I drink and feel like getting sober to a 100%, it can last for a couple of days. But it's like as soon as my body is running out of poisons I need more, or else I can't focus properly at work. Same thing over and over.

I've felt very depressed for a good while. Sometimes it has been good though. At the moment I haven't felt down for a couple of weeks. Which is awesome I guess. But I'm still drinking. And I'm guessing the depression is coming back any day now. :whoop

I am still not 100% sure why I started drinking in the first place. Maybe I wasn't completely happy with myself. Maybe it was because an era had ended, and I knew that I had to go out to the grown-up mature life (even if I didn't feel ready). Probably both. I was 20 when I started "for real" i guess. Things got worse last year though when my dad passed away. I've been drinking pretty heavily since then. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I'm 22 years old at the moment, turning 23 in november.

I know I want to and should quit. I just don't know how to convince myself enough to actually do it.

Anyhow... Writing this is hopefully a good start atleast.
Thanks for reading.
Regards, Nitram.

Hi Nitram


Welcome back :)

Well you know already you'll find support and advice here - have you ever tried rel life support as well, like AA or SMART or counselling?

I really think it was support that made the difference for me - on my own it was easy to convince myself I wasn't worth saving, or it wasn;t worth trying, or even that I had no problem at all....bringing other people into the equation changed the dynamic and helped me move forward :)

D

Welcome back!

Welcome! I have been in the battle you are in before. It sucks. My advice is keep trying til you succeed.

Welcome back! We are here for you!

:wavey:....Welcome back

Alcohol is a depressant ...so by continueing to drink
I became more depressed.
I suspect you are correct...your depression will return.

Re:Where am I at?