I've been sober for a year and a month....I haven't blacked out for a year and a month...coincidence?
I know the horror that you're talking about...know that it does get much, much better....I'm not an AAer, but I can say from the scads of research I've conducted, that the steps are custom made for relieving shame....

There are ways to get sober, and never worry about this again....ever....try one or more of them...

Take care of yourself...

hi to all! some very good advice here,thanks to all. I had many blackouts that I am so ashamed of and some I remember. I use these as tools to stay sober, one more reason not to drink...my prayers are with you and so is God.

I think the only way to overcome an embarrassing past is to forget about it or at least chalk it up to being a person you would not normally be...hence being a drunk. You have an embarrassing past b/c you were drunk doing things you most likely would not do if you were sober. You just have to forgive yourself for your actions. Most likely you had no control of yourself/behavior anyway. Try to make peace with your former life.

As for seeing people from your past that were part of embarrassing moments while you were drunk...These people have probably been there themselves one time or another. If they can't forget it or forgive you then there is no need to feel bad about things. And you probably should not be hanging around these people anyways.

I have been trying to drop a lot of people from my past. Then I try to move on and not think about my drunken moments.

I embrace my past, It is a powerful tool. Just sayin...

Heather,

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve to be treated like that. I like Carol's idea of changing your numger, if possible. Hold your head up high and be proud of what you are doing to turn your life around. Getting sober and recovering is a really hard thing to do, and you are doing it.

I so hear where you are coming from. Blackout drinker myself. Terrible terrible things and only seem to get worse and worse over time. Some nights I dont even know what happened! I shutter to think about it. And as everyone else said, try and move on but always remember that you do not want to ever go through it or feel like this again. It does fade over time. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do to change the past, but we can move forward and make our future better.

i just want to give a big THANK YOU to everyone who replied here. i have been sleeping most of the day[i work the 7p-7a shift] and waking up to all these replies and encouraging words makes me feel a lot better. great advice here. i can't thank you all enough.. it's great to find such a supporting community while i make these steps in my life..