How do you accept it?
 

That you can NOT drink?

This is where I am stuck I think. I always have a plan of drinking in the future, I never really say I can not drink. do you have to say that?

I would think so, cause I keep drinking.

I really think if I remove myself from the environment I am in it would help. I can do so in about 35 days, but I can't keep drinking at the clip I am now, I won't make it 35 ays.

For me, I had to believe that drinking was no longer an option. Only then, did I begin to come up with other ways to deal with life and its ups and downs.

I accepted that I would never drink again, when it really hit me that I was poisoning my body, not to mention my mind and spirit. I didn't want to live that way again.

An alcoholic cannot drink. We cannot control it whatsoever. So, in short, yes, if you believe you are an alcoholic, then you must come to terms with the fact that you can never drink again. What do you mean about your environment? What is it about the environment that you believe is causing you to drink? Most of us will drink regardless of where we are or who is or isn't around us, until we make changes within. Please tell us a little more about you and your situation so we can give you some better advice on how to help yourself.

I tell myself "To drink is to die" and well I don't want to die!

To be honest, that was a hard thing to accept for me...it took me a long time, because I viewed it as doing without. I had to come to see sobriety as something I wanted and drinking as something I did not want before I could get happy with my sobriety. Once I did that it has so far been fairly simple...along with doing the personal work which I think everyone would benefit from regardless of whether or not they are alcoholics.

I accept it because I realize that the very fact that I found it hard to accept is exactly why I need to accept it.

A normal drinker could take or leave alcohol and wouldn't fight tooth and nail to be able to keep drinking. So every time I get sad about 'never again' (which is rare, now) I use AVRT and realize that it's an alcoholic though. Useless and not real.

I say "what if you could never drink lemonade every again? does that make you panic?" (No). OK. Then when you are as neutral about wine as you are lemonade.. go ahead and buy a bottle ;)

(That'll never happen).

All I had to do was look at my past history of drinking. The short lived feelings of control over alcohol only to be followed by out of control sprees and binges then back to the illusion of control and then after a bit feeling I had it under control only to watch things slip back out of control into binges and sprees.

They say doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity, in retrospect I can clearly see I was insane.

I had to accept that I am powerless over alcohol, while drinking I may have short lived periods of dry or controlled drinking but they ALWAYS would be followed by binging and sprees. That is proof to me that despite the illusion of control I had none when it comes to alcohol.

I had to face the fact that for me drinking was a slow suicide which was murdering those that loved and cared about me as well as myself. I could continue with the murder/suicide or I could accept my powerlessness and throw myself into this program 100%. The bottom line turned out to be I could not drink like normal people and therefore could not drink at all. I have not had a drink since the first meeting I attended in March of 2001.

I'm only on day 22 and this is my first time quitting, so take this with a grain of salt.

But if I had told myself I'll never, ever drink again, there wouldn't have even been a day 1.

The idea that at some vague point in time I can have a drink again allowed me to stop and has made it easier to keep going. For now, for me, it's just that I'm not going to drink today. Later, down the road, I may decide to try it again or I may decide that I'm done for good. But that's later.

And in the meantime I'm trying to remember what my shrink has told me and what I've read here, which is that once you let your guard down it's easy to fall off the wagon.

Its not about quiting forever, its about quiting one day after another. It great to stay sober for all time, but to get there we have to live each day as it is, and some days are tougher than others. So pretending that what we know today is eveything we need for all tomorrows is just not required and seeking all that knowledge in one day works against us in the long run.

My experience has been to let go of trying to stay sober by never drinking again. It has been much more of a solution to my incurable alcoholism to live a spiritual sober life one day at a time, do my daily program, and live as a recovered alcoholic being of some service to others.

Its worked [works] for me this way of one day at a time for many years now, without any slips or whatever. Making myself try to face the unknown reality of never being able to drink again, as a kind of special rule to keep me sober, is just a waste of my time and energy.

If I'm living a life of recovery, my alcoholism cannot get me drunk or anywhere near a drink. I don't have to worry about it whasoever. There is no trick to staying sober. Staying sober is a way of living for me, which is way, way more than just never taking another drink.

Rob

It was very hard for me to accept that fact as drinking was such a habit for me, and such an escape (I thought).:( But when I finally accepted that I just couldn't drink, and got thru the first few weeks/months sober, my life began to get better, I began to feel better, and it was a lot easier to stay sober. Now I've got over a year sober and honestly don't ever want to drink again.:) I'm doing so well now I can't imagine drinking and going back to that miserable existance.

I don't think our environment has much to do with it, really. I drank at home alone, and since I live alone I can never get away from myself. I had to work on myself, change myself, and then it was possible to be home by myself and not drink.

Don't look at it as forever, just don't drink for today. One day at a time is how we have to live our lives, so one day at a time is the best way to stay sober.:)

Ramblin-

I totally understand why you feel this way. You see, I never, ever wanted to quit, not after many girls broke up with me, not after I got fired, not even after my 1st dui and totalled car, but finally, with dui #2 and totalled car #2, I actually was able to put a thought, a teeny tiny thought that I wanted to quit.

It was then, I realized, I had to change who I was or the same me will drink again...and again...and again.

Maybe this is true with you too?

I did 4 months of outpatient therapy, 90 AA meetings in 90 days, and logged in to SR almost every day.

I became an active participant in my own recovery - what a concept, right?

Fast forward to over a year later and I am a different person. The obsession to drink has been removed as a direct result of working and almost completing the 12 steps of AA (I'm working on step 12 as we speak).

I work on my recovery every single day and it's not a chore. It's freedom and it's wonderful.

...but guess what? Im not special as it can work for you too.

Kjell

I think a lot of us struggled/struggle with the idea of never taking another drink of alcohol. It sounds so extreme! I resisted for a long time, and experimented with "moderating" my drinking. It never worked, and I got more and more disgusted with myself.

Once my disgust reached a critical point I stopped drinking at all. This time was different in that I let go of the idea of moderating. I had 2 bad weeks of feeling like crud from what I guess was withdrawal, but since then I don't feel like I'm being deprived. I feel so much less guilty, ashamed, disgusted---you name it. So I'm finding "not drinking" to be a net positive, not a negative.

I'm not yet to 90 days so take this with a grain of salt, but I wish I'd been less afraid of stopping altogether. The information I got from reading posts at SR has been very helpful in terms of hearing about other people's experiences, but there is a wide variety. Hope some of the posts are helpful to you in thinking about next steps.

For me, I finally just accepted that I can not drink because as an alcoholic I am really "allergic" to alcohol. When I started to think of it that way I did not feel deprived. People that are allergic to shellfish and when they eat it they are in danger of dying, don't risk everything in their life to then go eat shellfish. But I did that over and over with alcohol.

Today, it is no longer an option. It just isn't.

The "allergy" concept works for me, if I was told I was allergic to shellfish or nuts and to eat them could kill me well I'd never eat shellfish or nuts again; alcohol is my shellfish/nuts.

I spent ALOT of time on SR..still do..and I also read all I could on what alcohol does to EVERY organ in your body. It is a slow suicide in my eyes to continue drinking. I do not struggle with my sobriety..I was just SICK of making myself sick. I was also SICK of watching people close to me get into car wrecks..and DIE and each one was connected to alcohol. It all depends on how you choose to live. I choose to no longer drink. I let it control me for years..DONE now.

At first I thought about this alot....I felt that maybe I would be missing something in life without the wine...I guess because it was my life for so long....now, a day shy of a year I can honestly say there is nothing..not a thing I miss about drinking...being sober has added things to my life that booze could just never do!! I think of it as saying good-bye to an ex husband or boyfriend.....what seemed fun and good at first...turned into an absolute nightmare!!! and your life is better off without them!!! :)

I'm on day 24. I, too, have a hard time with the thought of never drinking again, so I don't think that far ahead. I'm just not drinking right now. I like having a clearer mind, and I love having control of my life, and what I do every day. It was holding me back, and controlling my every thought. I've just decided that I'm not drinking right now, I don't know what I'm going to be doing in 4 months or 6 months, or how I'll feel about it then, but I don't want to give up the control again. I'm really starting to beleive that I can get used to this way of life. It's easier, and more meaningful. Hang in there, don't look too far ahead. :)

I have always and continue to keep the option of drinking open. I have for the past 4000 plus day. If I ever feel that alcohol will make a situation better for ME, then I have reserved the right to drink. I too am unable to say that I have quit forever, I simply don't plan on drinking today.

For many years prior to stopping I was always intent on quitting tomorrow, now I have reversed the process and I may just drink tomorrow. However I am the consummate procrastinator and as I said for some 11+ years now I just haven't gotten around to drinking. Like you, I do not do well with never, so I have seriously always kept the option open.

Just my way,
Jon

what jfangle said.

I just won't drink today, tomorrow, well, we'll see!

Technically, I can drink again.

Realistically, I know that if I do drink again I have to deal with the extremely negative results.

For me it comes to acceptance over the consequences, not so much focusing on the fact that I'm not drinking. By staying sober I'm giving myself a better chance at life...a do-over of sorts. I asked myself this: is anything I'm doing making my life any better? I realized the answer was 'no', so I changed.

Acceptance comes over time. Hang in there.

The same way I accept that I can't see a dang thing without my glasses. It is what it is.

I'd like to look like Jennifer Connelly. THAT ain't happening, either. Oh, WELL...

Well, I don't like to say this very often - because I don't want to say something that will harm some people - but I think that some people need to keep going until they are ready to "get it" and stop. I was the type who didn't have people around to exercise any influence or bring on a desire to quit of any kind. I had thought about the need to quit for close to 10 years, and of course thought about the desire to control it in the earlier days. I heard and felt stuff going on in my insides and wondered for a few years whether I would be in for real trouble. (One of the things I would think about routinely was how long I might live, like on my way into the shower.) And the pleasure was hardly there anymore (the buzz).

So I guess if you are the type of person who needs to go until you are ready (but without dying or getting locked up somewhere if you are lucky), and if that time is in the works now, then it would do some good to say out loud that you can't drink; that you might be dead soon; etc. I told myself I was not going to debate or ignore it anymore, like I was supposed to be some unique individual who was dealt the wrong cards; I was going with "I'm an alcoholic," and that I had this situation for life. That made it easy enough to grab the decision to quit and then not go back. I don't expect it would "easy" for anyone, but the quitting part was not anywhere near as difficult as I expected. Temptation to go back was no where near as difficult either. What I didn't expect was to feel so much depression afterward. That's the tough part. But there is a lot of good too, and I place the onus on me to be in charge of dealing with it.

Hi Ramblin. I think this is a good idea if it will help.

As for your question about acceptance, to me it's two-fold. One part is that I had to understand alcoholism better to understand why some people need to quit entirely (including me). The second part is that I got to a place where alcohol affected my life so much that to "not accept" it was the same thing as flat out denying it. So, I stopped denying, and acceptance followed that. It wasn't easy, but it did come.

Alcoholism is a disease. Think of it along the lines of that. Something out of your ability to control. Imagine if you had Congestive heart failure, left sided even. This would cause fluid to build up around your lungs. No matter how much you wanted to have just that one bowl of campbells soup with 700mg of salt. The fluid you retain would build up around your lungs and cause you serious respiratory problems.

In alcoholics, just having that one drink always leads to another, and often many many more. Its a disease, a physiological one. There have been studies that indicate it isnt at all a will power issue, but one of physiology. If you're interested in them let me know and I can point you in the right direction.

Alcoholics can't drink in the same way someone with Congestive heart failure can't have salty soup. Its an unfortunate fact that we have to deal with as alcoholics. The only solution is acceptance and abstinence.

In my case, being in and out of AA for a little while. I thought maybe I could just have two drinks today. I would be able to do it, just for that day. The next day, however, I'd have two drinks, maybe three, and the next day four or five until I was right back to where I was. You have to make the commitment to today. Today, I won't drink. Nothing at all today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Of course, you want to wake up the next day and not drink. Just take it...one day at a time.

Good Luck, I'll be praying for you!

Simply put, I don't drink. I can't even remember the last time I did "drink"...it was probably in high school.

Drinking is such an understatement and not a honest way to look at my alcoholism. What I did was pour booze down my throat in disgusting amounts of quantities knowing that negative consequences will ensue, which included an early alcoholic grave and a journey to that grave filled with self-inflicted pain and misery.

I got sick and tired of eating those s*!t sandwiches, which resulted from my "drinking". Alcoholics cannot drink with impunity (maybe early on we could, but we come to a point where successful drinking becomes unsuccessful). If you are an alcoholic and continue to drink, then sooner or later you are going to be eating a s*!t sandwiches of your own making.

There came a time when I couldn't swallow any more s*!t sandwiches of my own making. It was time to accept the fact where my drinking took me, stop swallowing those nasty sandwiches, put the plug in the jug, and get help.

I know this might sound kind of silly, but our brains work in strange ways. Saying "I can't" puts a negative connotation on what you are trying to accomplish. It's a self defeating term. Normally if someone tells me you "can't" do this or that, my first reaction is to show them I can accomplish it.

I know it is symantics, but instead of facing your alcohol issue with the statement "I can't drink ever again", replaced it with the thought that I don't want to drink ever again", Or "I will stay sober today". If you want to drink you will, but instead of focusing on it like it's a negative thing in your life, focus on the positive. When you are able to change the words "can't", to "won't or "don't want to", all of the sudden its not a limitation that is being put on you, it is a decision you are making for yourself. This attitude has helped to empower me. Although these are just words, your brain will react differently and it will helped to change your thought process.

Anytime the phrase "you can't......." my first reaction, (being the hard headed person I am) No one is going to tell me I can't do it! Most of us are here at SR because we don't want to continue drinking our lives away. I wish someone would have challenged me along time ago and said "You can't stay sober", then all of the sudden my mind would switch gears and lifelong sobriety would be the challenge.

Lastly once you realize you aren't missing anything by not drinking beside hangovers and a bunch of other problems by not drinking it seems kind of funny how much we romantacize drinking. If I were to tell you, "You can't eat the rat poison", would it really be that big of a deal? In fact I will go a step further and say "You can't eat the rat poison for the rest of your life, because if you do you most likely will end up in the hospital and eventually die", would you start craving it all of the sudden and be upset about it? No, you would say "I know, rat poison could kill me and doesn't make my life better". My example might be a little far fetched, but I'm sure you get the point.

Stay strong, and remember it's just your alcoholic brain playing tricks on you. If I said you can never shoot heroin again, must people who aren't heroin addicts wouldn't have a problem with that, but tell that to a heroin addict and his head might explode. It all has to do with your outlook.

:biggthump Absolutely! I give myself the option to drink or use every day, and every day (so far, in the last four months) I decide I'd rather not. As long as I am giving myself the choice, I have nothing to prove.

Exactly! We are only depriving ourselves pain and misery, all self-inflicted. We are not missing out on anything fun or worthwhile.

I would print out what supercrew wrote and tape it to your mirror and read it every morning...well said!!!

I loved Supercrew's post!

I now see that quitting drinking has been a huge positive for me, not a negative or a deprivation. I didn't see that right away, but maybe that is something you can take on faith and listen to some old-timers?

Last night I was cooking dinner (not my favorite task, or one I have much patience with) and listening to music and singing along. I realized I was smiling, just beaming, in a way I haven't for several years. Just enjoying being there and bopping around the kitchen. Happy at a whole new level just being alive.

Not to seem like a total idiot (re-reading my post I realize it sounds dorky)---but there was my positive. I would not have been happy that way while I was drinking, since it was acting as a long-term depressant. If I'd really known that was waiting for me, maybe I'd have quit a few years sooner. Don't romanticize how great drinking feels. It is your alcoholic brain whispering to you, and it doesn't have your best interests at heart.



D