AA - Not for everyone I guess
 

I dropped in on a AA meeting - my first ever accept for a few I had to attend in my teens to get rid of a minor in possesion charge. It was a strage experaince - I felt much worse after leaving than I did before hand. My experiance may be unusual but it seemed harsh for lack of a better term. I know poeple all have thier experiance with alcohol but it seems to me the best way to get over this addiction is to go head first right at it and focus on the good things and how to make life better. At this meeting it was nothing but doom and gloom - life sucks now / sucked in the past and always will suck seemd to be the general mood. :c029: after I left had more thoughts about drinking than I have had in the last 4 1/2 weeks.

Am I missing something or just not getting it?

Hmm.. not sure about what kind of A.A. meeting it was. was it Open or Closed? it matters Much in My Experience Exactly which meeting you go to.. they are NOT all Equal to me.. JMHO..

Well I guess it was an open meeting - I simply walked in and sat down. No one was rude to me or anything - it was just depressing experiance.

As a member of the fellowship, I apologize for you landing in a dark tunnel meeting. That's how my first experience was too...except for this one knuckle head who said, "hey buddy, over here is where we normally go to meetings, why don't you come with us." He took me to Big Book thumping recoveryland. I didn't get sober right away, but I darn sure knew where to come running back to when I had been beaten into a reasonable state of submission. Please don't allow one pissing and moaning contest to ruin your chances of recovery. Scout out several meetings. After the meetings, head for the folks that share good positive powerful stuff and see where they normally go. Enjoy.

How about both?

AA is quite clear on how to recover form alcoholism-it's the 12 Steps.
AA meetings will not do the trick.

If you went to the meeting expecting to hear some magical adivice on how to stay sober -it's no wonder you were disappointed. It's not likely any body could say such a thing.

That is, unless somebody raised their hand and said : "Hey for any newcomers in here looking to recover from alcoholism, I'd be willing to sponsor you if you are willing to do the program in the book Alcoholics Anonymous."

(Of course the above presumes you are an alcoholic.)

I would not judge an entire program or anything based off of one experience. And I would also say you're both missing something, and not getting it.. yet.

AA isn't about meetings, it's about working the steps and a spiritual awakening.

I don't use AA in my recovery, but there's lots of folks 'round here that do and can give you great advice.

THere are lots of ways to recover sobriety, and a new life in sobriety. AA just happens to be one of the ways some people find the support and guidance they need to do so.

Welcome!

That was not what I was implying nor did I intend to speak badly about anyone there. I was just stating an observation that it was a deperssing situation. Mabey it was just a bad night for those folks - it just seems like being more posative would have a better effect on one's situation.

Again - I did not mean to speak out of place - was just an observation.

Thanks for the advice - I will likely try visit another one. So far I have found that just bing hones with my friends and letting it be known that I am fighting this has worked wonders

I went to a meeting like that once... key word, once... Sick... Self Pity...

I like my home group... we talk about the solution. Lots of cool people there too...

Like everything, there are good and bad days. Some groups have off days. I would suggest going back again or trying a differnt group.

I have been to many differing meetings and some are fantatstic and some I found not so good. Saying that a buddy and me would go to the same meeting and think differently about the same meeting we had both just been too. :-)

I agree that you don't get better by meetings alone. I got better by doing the steps, talking regularly with other alcoholics, working with alcoholics, doing service AND attending meetings. I liken going to meetings like having dialaysis. It doesn't cure you b ut makes you feel better for it. And like dialysis I need it regularly 2-3 times a week. In stressful times and early days I was going far more frequently.

May your HP give all that you need.

When you're ready with AA or not you will do what you have to do to get sober. Most don't do nothing, and die miserable

Some of it is our frame of mind, some of it is the meeting we went to. Try another. Last Friday night, my home group got into trouble after the meeting with the neighbors for being too loud and laughing. They ain't a glum lot. No.

Mighta been the illness talkin' to ya. I wouldn't be doing cartwheels if I was headed down death row, either. And that's what going to AA felt like to me.

My first few trips into the hallowed halls of AA were not high spots in my life. I wasn't on a winning streak, and I didn't go there to become a better citizen. My life was ****, had been for awhile, and all prospects looked like it could stay that way, or get worse. I was needing to decide if continued effort at this life thing was worth the pain I was going through. And there I sat listening to the doom and gloom of what they had been through and what demons lay ahead if they went back out. Looking around, I concluded that this was probably a good thing for these folks, as if most of them went back out and did just half of what they were babbling about, they would die due to old age and poor health. The rest of them had got there about a 12 pack too late, and where probably what I had heard called "wet brains". Not much left rattling around up there, if you know what I mean. It seemed these poor chumps could barely help themselves. I had some serious **** going on. It was as real as it gets. Nothing these AA's could do anything with. Different league. And two or three years slipped away.

One thing that was immensely different when I went back was the amount of pain I was experiencing. On fire. Bad enough that I was begging for their attention, begging for a way to make the nightmare stop. AA didn't change. I had. For the worse. I wasn't smart enough to shop around for a meeting that might be a bit more attractive. I concluded this wouldn't work for me. Nothing else was necessary. I'd never make it as a born again. Keep looking somewhere else.

Your illness won't be happy about going to AA. It will sabotage you at every turn. Give yourself a chance. Snoop around a bit, see if there isn't someplace where you might fit in. It wasn't like hanging out at "Cheers" when I began. Far from it. In time, I could show up, pour a cup, take a seat, and everybody knew my name. I became a part of, rather than apart from, when I said it was so. In AA, there's a seat for every ass. It's just a matter of finding it.

Fortunately, the first meeting I went to was a good one. As a matter of fact, the first few were good ones. But, eventually, I came across a bad one, much like the one you described. If I had gone to THAT meeting, my first time, I may have stayed away. Basically, I've been to good meetings, and bad ones. Every one has taught me something. Keep going back. Go to different meetings. Find your niche.

I bolded "This Meeting" to point out that not all meetings are alike;

There are open discussion meetings (anything goes)
There are closed discussion meetings (alcoholics only - no drug talk)
There are lead discussion meetings - (only certain people speak)
There are Big Book meetings - (everyone reads)
There are Workshops - (one or two persons lecture)

The point that I am trying to make is, don't judge all of AA by just one meeting.

As you say, AA isn't for everyone. You might want to try a couple more meetings before you decide but there are alternatives such as Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery, SOS, Women for Sobriety, My Way Out and many more. If you're interested in more information the Sober Recovery forum for Secular Alternatives is a good place to start. AA is not the only path open to you.

Don't judge AA on the basis of one meeting. I went to a meeting last night that was the worst I have ever been to. In fact, two long time AA members (20 + years) actually left after a half hour, it was that bad. If that was my only AA experience I would have a very different view on AA. Fortunately, 95% of the meetings I go to are good and I always feel better when I leave.

Aren't you glad it wasn't amazingly wonderful? All the meetings for the rest of your life would be a let down.

If being about depressed people makes you want to drink, I know of some bars to avoid. I think everyone there is triggering everyone else.

I was not in AA for my first 9 months of sobriety. With that said I was not "white knuckling it" by any means and happy with my growth as a young man mentally when I walked in there. My friend is big into AA and I figured what the hell it’s something to do with her so yeah.

Now I am actively in AA attending meetings, working the steps and talking with my sponsor daily, it’s made sobriety more of a priority and very beneficial to me for the long run. I’ll admit some meetings just plain suck and others are really gratifying so don’t dismiss AA after just one meeting.

It reminds me of jiujitsu really, some classes I walk in and we do something that I think is useless and wish I had stayed home that night. Then the next night we do some inverted arm-bar that really clicks with me and the way I fight so I’m glad I went.

There's a saying...."nobody walks in these rooms singing Volari" ... lol. Early sobriety is the pits, my emotions all over the place. I certainly didn't go to AA because I wanted to, I went because I couldn't stay sober alone. It was go to AA or die. Yes, it's depressing to hear about the awful wreckage we alcoholics cause ourselves and others.

Perhaps you'll have no problem staying sober alone. Otherwise, I suggest making a commitment to making six meetings in six days.

But it's not about like, it's about staying alive.

JOBL, As a 20yr AA'er I just gotta stick my nose in here. AA is a reflection of society as a whole. Just like there's an a@#hole in every bar there seems to be one at every meeting. Some meetings are all about the gut wrenching part of it, and some are a non stop belly-laugh. Keep trying different ones. I picked my sponser because he was one of the happy drunks. He loves to poke fun at himself as well as AA in general. Not one bit of it is mean spirited, it's all in fun. You WILL find people who are happy and want to celebrate there sobriety. I am one of them.

All the best, Ron

Hi JOBL and welcome!

You weren't spealing out of place...SR is an open place where people approach their sobriety from a variety of places and experience.

I don't do AA or any formal program but if I was interested in giving it a try I would try a number before making up my mind about it:)

Congrats on 4 weeks!

I didn't have the experience you did at my first meeting, but I will share a story with you. I have probably been to well over a thousand meetings in my time. So, when I moved to a new area, I had an idea of what type of meeting I was looking for.

I went to this meeting close to my home. For the first three meetings all they did was talk about God. It started to drive me nuts since I don't believe. I have nothing against God, but I prefer talking about topics that are more tangible to me. I said to myself that I will give this meeting one more shot and then I am looking elsewhere.

When I went back to this meeting on my 4th time, I heard the most powerful share in my AA career. It left me in a state of awe for a couple days. I am glad that I went back. Since then, I have developed some wonderful friendships with these people who first started to drive me nuts. Plus, there is a lot of discussion on tangible topics. I just caught a steak of God-centered topics when I first went.

However, you may or may not have a similar experience, but you should give AA at least a couple tries before you form an opinion. Try different groups and meetings with different formats.

Or try a different type recovery group. Depending where you are located, AA is not the only game in town. Or if you are comfortable doing what you are doing, then keep doing it. I believe that there are many different paths to recovery. AA is not the only way and it is not for everyone. However, I don't think you can form an accurate assessment by just going once. As others said, different meetings will have different personalities. There may or may not be a less 'doom and gloom' meeting around you, but you may have to search it out.

Anyways, I hope you find what you are looking for and congrats on your 4 1/2 weeks and keep up the good work. That is most excellent.

I;m glad you are willing to explore the benefits of AA
:yup:
I left my 1st meeting at half time...
"Gees! I'm not that bad off!"


3 years later I returned to AA...because I was not staying sober
and my depression was edgeing on insanity.

All my best as you move forward ..:yup:

Exactly... good stuff lushwell

Now, well, I've made some friends, I have a great home group and most of all I get to see the program in action... and I might even make a difference for someone else...

Amazing how we change, and, uh, AA didn't!!

Hey JOBL: I agree that you should not make a decision about AA on the basis of one meeting. By the same token, don't feel as though something is wrong with you if you conclude that AA isn't for you. While lots of people love AA, others don't....and ALL of us can get sober. The key is finding what helps YOU. If you hang around here long enough you'll see that we all do this sobriety thing a little differently, and that's totally ok.

OTT

I am working the steps honestly and giving it a try. I did a 90 in 90 as well. I am still feeling it out. I may not always attend AA but right now its helping. I know plenty of people who went for a few years and then stopped going or really cut back. Who knows where I will be in a few years.

Sometimes AA and NA meetings do make me think about using more or leave me depressed. I don't know why that is. Other times I walk out of meetings feeling great. I go to all types of meetings, I'd guess this is more of an issue with me rather than AA.

It is not the only way to get sober and is not for everyone. I really think a major component of getting clean and sober is doing something. Volunteering, meeting new people, getting out of your house etc. AA provides this, but it can be done in other ways as well.

All I know is that if I do decide to stop going in the future that I gave it an honest shot. For me, its all about doing the right thing. Does wonders for the guilty conscious too.

You are right, AA isn't for everyone. Thank goodness there are options out their that are based on science. I use SMART Recovery. Other options are Rational Recover, Life Ring, Secular Sobriety and a bunch of others.

There are many options out there to help you stop drinking. I hope you find one that help. One that I know works is just stop putting ethanol in your mouth and swallowing it. That one works all the time. But it sure took a long time for me to grasp. I must be a bit simple.

I would like to add Allen Carr to your excellent list.
Great post.

Ditto on Allen Carr..probably the most influential book I read:)