Sorry the demon still has a hold on you Merc. Like Craig Ferguson said, "I don't have a drinking problem, I have a thinking problem"

You just gotta shut it down, turn out the lights. Don't go in the room that spooks you anymore. I dunno, if I had the symptoms you tell us about I would be scared straight. I really think maybe it is time for some intervention on the part of someone who knows how far down the path you have gone. Maybe it's time to tell your fiance' how sick you are. At this point you really have to believe this is a sickness you have, nothing will make it better at this point without some medical attention. Time to hang up the gloves buddy, the bell is ringing, and you are on the canvas.

Time to start training for a new fight, the fight to live. You can do it, just make the choice before the clock runs out. We're pulling for you. Take Care.

I remember doing the same thing you talked about: "making it through the day" until you can get the 6-pack. It's a vicious, vicious cycle and there's nothing pleasant about it. We don't care much sometimes about dying because we're not really living.

I agree that starting back at square one (one day at a time, one hour at a time) is the only way to go. You might be scared, anxious, bored or any other emotion, but emotions won't kill you and this will. Itching can be a sign of liver issues and the pain you're having doesn't sound good at all and as you know, it will only get worse if you keep drinking (ANY amount). The good news is that it doesn't have to get worse and can even get much better.

Get through today and post tomorrow, OK? We're pulling for you!

Mercurial, that post gave me a scared feeling. The itchiness, among other things. The doctor saying not to bother with tests until after the holidays is sort of laissez faire, even offensive. On the other hand, what is he supposed to do, tie you to a chair? Imprison you to save your life?

This brings me back to the times I would wonder how much longer I had to live and reminds me how lucky I have felt to have been able to quit. I used to feel itchy too and I don't notice it anymore.

The reality is I don't really know what will happen to me tomorrow, I could actually have all kinds of medical problems I didn't know were there, or I could get hit by a streetcar (it happens). But when I did go through with quitting and didn't know whether it was too late or if I would have a heart attack or stroke or some other thing I wasn't educated on during the homemade detox, I told myself I would be happy if I only got a small period of time afterward to be alive and not drinking (if it really was too late). I've been capable since then of preferring what I have got now. I wonder if you can get to that point too.

I know Xmas has a great rating and everything, but who cares? Is it THAT great? Do you have to be around all the drinking, is it not worth missing out on that routine in order to accommodate a quitting plan? Is it possible to picture a few Xmases with 3 or 4 people on tea and nothing with alcohol in it to drink and see that as desirable - and see that the other elements to Xmas that include insincerity and drinking are just not worth it?

Just some ideas, no idea if any of it appeals to you.

Better yet, why not give yourself an early Christmas present? The gift of sobriety.

This was the time of year that I decided to begin the end of Alcohol destroying me. It can be yours too Merc. Than every year you can rejoice in the gift you now give yourself every sober year to come.

I know this wasn't directed to me, but....Good Lord, man....nobody is suggesting that at all!!! If there is anyone that needs this place it's you. Please do not leave.


on a different subject.....mercurial...I feel bad about what i wrote yesterday

if i came across harsh yesterday, i need to apologize. to be honest with you, it's been almost a year since i've struggled with this and sometimes it gets hard to imagine how hard it is to walk away from this mess. Sometimes, pain removed gets hard to remember. So again...i'm sorry.


i also don't attend AA, so i haven't "seen" someone struggle from this as hard as you have in a long time. So, like i said, i'm really sorry if i sounded like i didn't care....it's quite the opposite. i care alot.

it really makes me sad to keep seeing you struggle after the year i've had. sobriety is amazing once you send the demons packing. i really wished you could get a long term taste of what life can be like without that monkey on your back.

i think we share alot of the same facts. we're in our late 30's. we drank very hard, much of the same way, and we did our fair share of damage to our body and still....in the midst of all that, we have a decent life outside of the disease.

I guess that's why i get so frustrated. i see a guy who is alot like me and is struggling so much and i feel like i'm not helping you.. it's an incredibly helpless feeling.

Still, i have to do a better job in trying to convey my message. so again... mercurial, i'm sorry if i sounded uncaring yesterday. i care alot. please know that.

here's a big bro hug. :hug:

Bulldog.

Your story always resonates with me, too mm. I know you're a smart guy and it just kills me to see you still struggling. I'm AA-less also (and happy to be so).


You can do it. But something has to 'click' and I wish I knew what was standing in your way.

When you were sober before.. did you enjoy it?

No worries about your original post coming across a bit raw. I know that a lot of members here are blunt with their comments so what they say can make a deeper impact. Your heart is totally in the right place and your post made my day. I'm actually only 32 but I've been an alcoholic for the past x14 years. I have had a taste of sobriety here & there along those 14 years. It was great. My g/f was elated to see a young man not constantly controlled & driven by booze. I had a lot more confidence as I wasn't paranoid about who saw me walking into the liquor store, what my bloodtest results or liver biopsy results would be, or what my co-workers thought about me. On day x2 today and don't for a second think that your post & concern isn't making a difference. It's been a while since I received a hug from someone who was concerned about my drinking habits. Thanx

I think what Carol was tring to say is that we are doing our part by supporting you and being here for you, but you are not doing your part.
Merc if you don't know by now, but I think you do, this disease will kill you.

It's time to decide if you are going to live in the problem or work towards a solution.

Yeah I know it's hard, but consider the alternative : Jails, Insititutions, or Death

Glad to hear you made it to day 2, let it snowball from here on out. Every time you think about stopping for a six pack remind yourself of all the reasons you don't want to. Always think how you will no longer have that string of days without drinking again. How you hate the pain in your right side, the itchiness, the worry. Using more will not make worry less, I have read that you drink from the anxiety of the damage you are doing which doesn't make much sense. Think about it, why drink more to damage yourself more to ease the anxiety from damaging yourself?

Think of how much you hate this infliction every time you think fondly of it. Remember the worst of times, realize it will only get worse. Run these thoughts through your head every time you approach the store. Just don't stop to buy, don't look back, keep going home and enjoy a cozy night with your girl. Ponder all you have and all you can lose. When the next morning comes, pat yourself on the back, you made it another sober day. Before you know it you'll be months sober and getting healthy.

Now is the time, do it for your girl, do it for us, but mostly, do it for you.

that was so well written about thinking the drink through to the consequences. :c011::You_Rock_

it makes me remember that I still carry a piece of index card taped to my wallet that is in front of the billfold that outlines the reasons i don't drink.
it reads: I do not drink under any and all circumstances. if i'm reading this i will remember first and foremost...

1. i stay sober for myself and family.
2. i do not want to die young and drinking will end my life.
3. a cold soda will taste alot better. :)

Hey merc,

We've been hanging around these parts roughly the same amount of time and, like you, I only post if I feel I have something of some substance to say.

Maybe you should get more involved in SR than just logging on and lurking. Jump on some threads and "meet" some of these new people that are just starting their journey. Your story over the past few years serves as a good example of why people should keep trying and keep coming back. Not just post a couple times, relapse, and disappear.

All the best from a fellow lurker,
Tex

Day 2 is an excellent start. I first got sober at age 28, but made the decision to drink again after 4 years sober.

Thank God I had a moment of clarity during that insanity, and was able to get back into recovery.

So I started over again at age 32. I was a single mother of 2 daughters.

I realize that AA isn't for everyone, nor do I think that is the only way to go.

I do know that was the way to go for me, and I celebrated 20 years sober this past August.

That, my friend, is a frigging miracle!

Wishing you nothing but the best.

Recovery is possible! :hug: