Horrible Shape
 

I'm getting on here because I am no good at AA meetings. I guess you could say I have a drinking problem, one mouth and two hands. :) It's so not good at all! I hope you guys will give me some options as to how I can fix myself.

I have been on a long drinking binge... Like a 2 month long drinking binge.. meaning everyday. Yeah... every single day I drink... Malt Liquor... beer... an occasional gallon of vodka... whatever it takes. It's really got a hold of me. Did you guys see that movie Leaving Las Vegas? Well... I don't want his demise, but I see that same situation. My girlfriend supports my habit because she loves me. I have 2 dwi's and was taken by force to a hospital one time and put on a hold for 4 days under suicide watch.

I have a 2 year old son... his mom left me a year ago because of my drinking. I've lost jobs, wrecked cars... and yeah I guess I wrecked lives because of alcohol. It has ruined my life. I am a severe alcoholic. I had a really traumatic childhood... dealt an awful hand... no parents... lost my whole family. Yeah that's probably part of it. Alcoholism runs in my family big time. My grandfather died in jail 30 some years ago for a dwi sentence, cause of death... withdrawal from alcohol.

When I don't drink for a period of about 18 hours I begin shaking, and feel sick.... until I get some beer in me.

Jesus help me please I have a son who I love more then life itself. I think only God can save me now.

Is there some kind of medicine they give to alcoholics... kinda like methadone clinics for heroine addicts? I don't do any drugs... I just need something to give me the same feeling I guess... but coherently... to save my liver. I'm not going to rehab or detox, that's out of the question.

I need some help. Any suggestions? I will try to get back on here as often as I can. Thanks guys - If anything don't laugh or look down on me, I'm a happy drunk... one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. Thanks again! :)

Hi Eagles
 

You are really in a dangerous situation..and I suggest you have a talk with a doctor before you do anything else.

Yes...there are neds and you need a medical work up to take them.

Hope you find some answers...my very best

Welcome,

It sounds like you already know that withdrawal can be deadly.So you'd need to proceed with a great deal of caution.I went through it alone and I'm damn lucky to be alive.Wouldn't wish the hell I went through on anyone.And in the end I still landed in the hospital because I was physically and mentally wrecked.

You don't say why getting help isn't an option.And you don't have to be good at AA meetings...lol.Just gotta be willing.

If you truly want to change you'll need to start somewhere.Stay around here and do some reading.Maybe talk with your doc about how to handle getting the alcohol out of your system.Keep posting and let us know how it goes.

phoenix

Hi Eagles, I'm so glad you found this board. It is a great place to come for support and encouragement. You will find lots of understanding people here.

I am so glad you want to stop drinking. You will be able to do it! I didn't think I'd be able to stop either, but I did and I've never been happier.

First of all, let me say these are just my opinions and I have only personal experience, no other qualifications.

I'm pretty sure that there isn't any medicine to give to alcoholics to give them the same feeling. There is a drug (name I've forgotten, but maybe someone else will post it) that you can possibly take, which will make you very, very sick if you do drink.

You say that rehab and detox are out of the question. Would you consider going to a doctor to explain what you want to do? He may convince you that it is safest to be hospitalized while you detox. It can be dangerous. I urge you to talk to your doctor.

When the alcohol begins to leave your system you will feel kind of bad for a few days, but after that you would probably begin to feel better.

Eagles, you are a young man with a young son who needs his dad and I'm so glad you are looking for help. You can do it and you will have friends on this board who will stand by you and support you.

Love, Anna

You can call me Brian, You guys are making me feel better already :) :) I will hang around here... :)

Brian
 

Good decision to hang around here. Browse a little and be inspired.

Good luck, my friend.

I will be thinking about you.

Love, Anna

Hi Brian, Welcome to the boards. I know when I got real bad I neded to see a doctor and get some help. I needed a program/detox. I can give you all the support I have to help you follow a recovery program but, proffessionals need to help you choose what is best. Medically there can be some problems with getting off alcohol. Please, Please,
seek help--- Keep posting-- and try to no matter what don't drink. However, if you do don,t give in. You've come to the right place for support and encourge-
ment. We also need you. Don W

Yeah I need you guys to... I'm still trying to read through these boards... I almost feel like I'm not alone in a way :) I will be coming back! So far... thanks you guys! -Brian

Hi Brian,

Just chiming in to welcome you here. As you have found out, there are many good people and much helpful advice. I do know detoxing can be dangerous, and certainly difficult to do on your own. The drug Anna was talking about is antabuse, and it is meant as a deterent to drinking-which is to say, once you are on it you will become very sick if you drink. Personally, I have never heard anyone say they got sober with it, and I have heard many people say they drank in spite of it. We alcoholics are glutons for punishment.

Please do seek help Brian; it is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. You are worth it and your son needs his Father; we need you and we are many. I am back 9 days now, mostly due to the help on this site, but also due to a very good friend of mine. He has 30 years sober, and he was the LAST person I was willing to call for help. I hated to admit that I needed help. Of course, I conveniently forgot that he is an alcoholic just like me, and knows exactly where I am coming from. What warmth and strength I got from this man! His response to my call was to thank me for helping him, and to tell me how glad he was that I had called. How could I forget the fellowship I found in sobriety? Easily, since my disease had a choke hold on me...

Stay with us,
You have helped me tonight,
Gianna

Gianna
 

What a great post! So very touching. I'm glad you found someone you could turn to, who was welcoming (besides us, that is!).

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs and love,
Anna

Hi Brian and welcome.
You stated that you love your son more than life itself. If that statement is true, you'll do whatever it takes including detox in order to take care of your son's Daddy.
If you're really serious about stopping this insanity, you won't turn down any options. Maybe you just haven't reached the point yet when you're ready to do ANYTHING to get sober and stay sober.
The best gift you can give your son is a sober Dad. Believe it or not, you'll enjoy the gift also.;)

Welcome Brian,
I am so glad you are here. You don't say why detox is not an option, but it is probably the safest way to go.
I am an alcoholic too, although I never got to the stage where I had severe withdrawal when i quit. I was like a get drunk every other evening type of person. Does that make me less of an alcoholic than any on else, no. When you learn more later you'll become more familiar with the stages of this disease. I also have a lot of alcoholics in my family including an aunt who has been sober for many many years. You can recover.
My sobriety date is August 21, 2003 and I have to say I like life sooooooo much better.

Welcome & cyber hugs,
cowboy

Hi, I'm Sheshie and new to this site. I drink approximately a pint of whisky every night (sipin' cold) with a couple wine coolers or a couple beers, every night so I can sleep. (Well so I can sleep is my excuse.) I'm going to my first AA meeting in 6 years tonight.
I've been drinking this much almost every night for four years. Will I get sick also? I'm 55 years old. Any help would be great. or should I just ask at tonight's meeting.

Thanks, Sheshie

Brian - Hi and welcome, glad you are sticking around. We all are in this just trying to stay sober one day at a time.

And Sheshie welcome to you too. I can't tell you what your withdrawl will be like but I can tell you from experience that going to AA will help, there will be people in that room that have been exactly where you are.

Great job both of you for wanting to get sober.

Glad to meet you.

Hi Sheshie
 

Welcome to the board and I'm glad you found us. There are lots of supportive and understanding people here. Glad also that you're heading to a meeting tonight. Support is always good.

As to whether you will get sick or not depends on different things. You will probably experience some withdrawl symptoms when the alcohol begins to leave your body. Usually, I think the first couple of days are the worst and then things begin to improve. Many people here say it's a good idea to see your doctor before you detox, because it can be dangerous. If you browse around some of the forums here you can read people's posts about beginning to become sober - especially on the Newcomers board.

You may feel overwhelmed and scared right now and you are not alone. Most of us felt that way when we were in your position. The thing is you can do it and learn to live a great sober life. You will find so many rewards.

Good luck at your meeting tonight.

Anna

I think that if your worried about withdrawals and a doctor thinks you should detox then that is what you should do. I don't quite understand what you mean by

'I'm getting on here because I am no good at AA meetings.'

Could you please explain a little more. What exactly is it about AA metings that makes you think you are no good at?

Hey folks,

I almost got 24 hours sober, and I'm gonna try not to drink tonight. It's gonna be hard because there is still 14 beers in fridge... I kinda feel like homer and that guy from King of The Hill.... don't waste beer. :)

I just wanted to say thanks for all the support and suggestions you guys are giving me. I'm really gonna try to make this work. I will let you guys know how I'm doing.

It's nice to meet you all.. each one that posted. Gianna - Yeah I am gonna seek help eventually, because this shaking in my hands, arms, and cheeks is gonna make me sleepless. That antabuse stuff, I've been prescribed twice. Once when I got alcohol poisoning, and once when some overheard me say I was gonna kill myself, and called the cops.

That experience there ruined any hopes of me ever going to detox. They put me on a hold in the hospital because they thought I was a threat to myself. I didn't eat the entire time because it looked and smelled like dog food. Everyone there was moping around and negative because they wanted to go home too. If that court examiner didn't come in that Friday, I would have ended up busting out for real. I would have had to spend the weekend there after 4 days and nights... no way. They prescribed me antabuse on the way out 30 pills... There is still 30 in the bottle.

Besides the fact that I don't like doctors, or sharing my problems with other people... No detox. Plus as I mentioned earlier, my grandfather died in jail because of it. I feel like I will take my chances on the street.

But other then that Gianna... You showed me that you seem to care, and like everyone else is doing. It makes me happy!! :) You have helped me too :) All of you are!

NinerFan..... (Grr.. Eagles fan here j/k) Why not AA meetings? Like I said... I don't share my problems with people like that.. (especially in person). I'm shocked I've told you guys what I have so far. I'm a shy... keep to myself person and it's just the way it is. I had to do it 80 times court ordered for the 2 dwi's. I went to only one... and faked the rest of them on paper. I'm gonna see how talking to you guys helps me first anyways. You are right... I would do even what I feared most for my child. I know he needs me. Man, if you only know the specifics as to what really makes me drink. Ah, it hurts! That just made the shaking more intense when I typed that.

Will you guys say a prayer for me? I know I sure have been for you guys. :'(

I'm gonna go lay down now - Thanks again everyone... I'll be back.

-Brian

Hi Brian
 

I am so impressed that you have done 24 hours already. Way to go! I think the shaking will stop - probably pretty soon. Just hang on. Try to think in small steps or it can get overwhelming.

I understand that it's many problems that have brought you to this point. That's true with most of us here. Being sober involves more than just stopping drinking, I think - it involves healing yourself. However, if you can stop drinking, the rest will come along.

It sounds like your experience in hospital/detox was horrible. It makes me feel terrible that a person would be treated like that. If you feel strongly that you don't want to go to a doctor or AA for help and that you want to do it on your own, I'll be here to help. I'll worry about you, but I'll be here.

You're definitely in my prayers and I'm thinking of you often. Keep posting Brian.

Hugs and love, Anna

Brian great job on the 24 hours!!!

But you are not a cartoon character on TV, dump out the beer, why tempt yourself?

It does feel good to share here, doesn't it? Maybe when you are feeling better you will give a meeting a try. I was like you, did not like to talk to people I don't know, scared, fear, all the stuff. Even today, when I open my mouth at a meeting my heart still pounds, it is just me. But I do open my mouth at a meeting when I need to share, cause it is there that I get the support from others just like me. And you don't have to talk, you can just listen.

Keep taking it just one hour at a time, but get rid of the beer.

Well Brian, all I can do is wish you well. AA is not the only way, there are other methods of recovery and I hope those people who got sober using those methods will post here. If they dont then go to the bottom of this page and look under 12 step alternatives.

Like the other posters, I can relate to the fear and being shy and not wanting to share my secrets. I can only tell you that I found it a tremendous sense of relief to let that stuff go. Not in a meeting, but to my sponsor. Later on, much later on I was able to share some of my personal stuff in meetings. But at first, not a chance. I just lisened, then read the big book and listened some more until I was convinced that AA could help me.

Bottome line is, my thinking got me into this mess and AA thiniking got me out. It works, it really does.

Good luck Brian

Hi again Brian,
You wrote to Ninerfan:
"Why not AA meetings? Like I said... I don't share my problems with people like that.. (especially in person)."

I going to assume that when you say "people like that" you mean to say "in that fashion" as apposed to meaning "those people." What do you think the difference is in the people at an AA meeting and here on this board? Do you think you'll get any less compassion and understanding at an AA meeting?
The first thing you should do is get rid of those beers in the frig. The second thing is to get your butt to a doctor and get some help. All your best thinking got you right where you sit. I've read through the posts since my last and nowhere did you mention your son again, unless I missed it. What about him?
There's a quote from the AA Big Book that says in so many words that some people are constituionally incapable of being honest with themselves. Are you one of these people who just won't admit defeat? Booze has got you right by the shorthairs my friend and what's worse is you have the classic symtom of denial that won't let you do what has been suggested to you here on this board, which is to get some help. You seem to want to do it your way. I will remind you that your way got you here. You might want to consider getting rid of all the excuses about being shy and not wanting to share your secrets because in the end, that's exactly what you'll have to do or you just might end up like your grandfather only not in some place as nice as jail. Right now you have a computer to type on and apparently a roof over your head. Do you have to lose everything before you give up??

First... Yeah I did get rid of the beers in the fridge. Second... I meant when I said about "people like that"... meaning in that fashion. I'm probobly worse then my fellow alcoholics. Third... if ya gotta know.. I spent my child hood going to NA meetings with my mother who is in jail til she dies now, and I don't intend on doing it again. If it works for you, that's great man... But you are not me. Yeah you know what? I am gonna do it my way. I said if I fail that I would try something else. Fourth... I support my habit from the job I work 60 hours a week for a Lumber company. I don't sell drugs, steal, or hurt other people to get what I need to survive. Excuse me, old habit! 36 hours my friend! Fifth if you gotta know... I can't stay on here all the time because I don't have a computer. I use my girlfriends roomates computer... and no i'm not that well off in my living situation!

Excuses? This is the last type of support I needed signing on here. I'm glad your such a strong recoverd alcoholic my friend

PS Music...

If you would please re-read my last post on page 1 you would see where I wrote..

"I'm gonna see how talking to you guys helps me first anyways. You are right... I would do even what I feared most for my child. I know he needs me. "

I am offended that you think I don't love my son. Things are not as peachy as it seems man. I kinda feel like you read what you wanted to respond with a bash.

Brian, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. That must be so very painful for you. And, you only need to share on this board what you feel comfortable with.

As for AA, many of the people on the board believe in AA and some don't. There are others who, like you, just find it simply doesn't work for them. The point is Brian, that anything that works for you is great. Some of us simply cannot face the things we need to deal with in front of others. And, I think that is why many people find this board to be helpful as a source of support and understanding. You will find caring and supportive people here Brian.

PS. Glad you got rid of the beer!

Keep coming back Brian. You're in my prayers.

Hugs and love,
Anna

OMG - who was that just4me guy who put that message up and then deleted it? This is BS

Hi Brian and belated welcome!

Lot's of good advice here and I just want to say your not alone and never have to do this alone. We all have the same problem and alcoholism is just a bitch. Often we feel we were dealt a raw hand in life and ask why me. We are not to question the path our HP has dealt us, but we sure can learn to live again... sober. It's not easy in the begining , no fun at times, but in the end our lives depend on sobriety and we can learn to grow up and be happy, one day at a time, with much support.

Please look for Weibes' thread he's in your shoes now, and is making it one 24 at a time, I think you would be a great means of support for each other. Glad you found us and your never gonna have to do this alone.

Brian,
There are many ways to show caring and support for someone. One way is to pat a person on the butt and treat the person like a little kid who needs to be spoiled into getting sober, the other way is to treat a person like an adult and not beat around the bush by telling it straight out. My way is the latter. The fact that I don't pull any punches is no reflection on how I feel about you. You've been through some tough times and there are more to come. If you can't handle honesty, then go ahead and do it your way.
I'm sure you do love your son. I loved my wife and kids too but they came in second when it came to drinking. That's what the disease does. You stated you "don't hurt other people to get what you need to survive." You've been hurt by your grandfather and your mother, to the point that you won't do what's necessary to take care of yourself. Think again my friend. I found out that I hurt almost everyone I came in contact with; even if it was something as simple as being grouchy because I was hung over.
I wish you the best Brian. I've said enough.

Hi Brian. Glad to see you here. If alcohol were like unpaid bills then someone would certainly have the infinite wisdom to tell you that they have to be paid, but others may talk about budgets and actual plans to deal with the situation. You'll find both types of people here. When I came to the boards a few months ago I was a physical and mental wreck. Slowly, and with tons of support and excellent tips I got it under control to the point of being able to stop a few days at a time and drinking coffee in the mornings. It's a start, and for me a world of difference from a few months ago when it took both hands to get that first can of beer to my mouth at 6 AM. Ther are many people on the boards, and just as many differing opinions.
Hope you keep posting.
Wiebe

Oh but we do know.We're alcoholics too.And that is what makes us drink.In the long run drinking doesn't fix the pain,it feeds it.It's a vicious cycle.It's also a family disease.Will you pass it on?

Think detox and meetings are a horrible thing?How can it be worse than alcohol poisoning,drunk driving charges,and the steady destruction of your life?

When you are finally tired of running you may find the willingness to go to any lengths.Until then keep posting.Listen to what everyone says.Even the ones who **** you off.There are people here who will risk hurting your feelings in hopes that it might save your life.

phoenix

Sheshie and Brian.

Welcome to the forum.

I abused alcohol for twenty years before I finally admitted I had a problem.

Today with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous I have been sober nearly six years.

After five years of drinking I began to seriously suspect that my drinking was out of control.

After ten years I knew for sure I had a problem.

After fifteen my life was in complete ruins.

The reason I continued my destructive behaviour for so long was because I kept telling myself that I could recover on my own terms.

I remained closed minded and defiant to just about every suggestion I heard ,especially AA because for me AA was the ultimate act of humiliation.

I tried doctors, pyschologists , counsellors ,ministers of religion ,spiritual healers, relationships and none of them suggested anything to me that I did not already know or could identify with.

Finally I was virtually dragged kicking and screaming to my first AA meeting.My money was all gone and I had nowhere else to go.

I sat in my first AA meeting expecting to be lectured about the dangers of drinking.I expected to be condemnded and ridiculed , none of which happened. Instead I heard men and women talking about their own experiences with alcohol in a way in which I could identify.

My original prejudices and misconceptions about AA went right out the window after my first meeting.

There are probably as many ways to recover as there are alcoholics. I can only refer to what has worked for me.

The reason for my success in staying sober for six years is because I try to remain openminded at all times and sometimes I have heard some things that sparked resentments.

Usually the things that hurt me the most are the things that are true.

Brian you mentioned following your mother to NA meetings.

Perhaps you had expectations of NA keeping your mom clean and out of jail.

I have seen people turn their backs on geeting the help they need from AA and NA because of unrealistic expectations.

Admitting we have a problem and getting rid of the booze in the house are important steps in getting sober but there is a lot more work to be done.

Whatever road you choose to recovery do it with earnestness and in the meantime keep coming back.

We are always open and always glad to hear from you.