why
 

do some of us stop drinking and some of us dont

as you guys can tell by my posts i'm not a brainy guy

1'm 250 lbs 18 and a half stone in English money i'm a fat guy that eats to much so abstaining from things that are bad for me is not a strong point for me

but somehow i have stopped drinking ...so far ..why have i been able to manage this ,when everyone else i know in real life has failed ???

every person i have known for 20 years is a drunken bar fly ,yet i dont miss them much ..why

how come some people can stop ?? i must say i'm amazed as are my family and friends ,even the ones that said you will be back in the pubs drinking again are now saying i cant believe you are not drinking ,maybe you just drink in other pubs :a043:

i have my liver tests next week to see if my enzyme level is back to a more normal level

even my doctor seems shocked that i have just stopped drinking without AA or any pro help

am i getting to cocky thinking this vile curse i was under is beaten allready ???

is my illness still there just tricking me lulling me into a false sense of security ??

i had better be on my guard :c032:

i was just wondering though why do some people stay sober and some just dont ,we all have a mind that knows booze is bad ,we all have the power to stop i wonder why some of us fail ???

thoughts please :c032:

I think if we knew the answer to that Jim, we'd be able to help a lot more people.

For me, I think I finally had my fill - I didn't want to die like that, and I was prepared to do whatever it took...

I'm glad, every day, I had enough sense to use that brief moment of sanity and come here - cos for me that's where it all started.

D

Some people just "see the light" in time.
Be glad you did !!
What l don't understand is how my mates can drink all weekend and go to work freshfaced on monday, while l needed 3 "recovory beers" just to get to the shower...

“A stumble may prevent a fall.”

I guess when you've had enough then you've had enough. Its pretty much like everything in life tho. Some beat cancer, some die. Some get sober, others drink themselves into the grave.

Well done on your sober time Jim :c014:

Jim, you stopped because your liver test results were bad? Have you stopped for good or do you want to try and drink again if your results are OK?

Jim, I wish I had the answer to that...I could bottle it and make millions!

I know where you're coming from...most of the people I know are amazed that I've gone just over three months without even one drop of beer. I was always considered a "Hall-of-Fame" beer drinker! I'm probably the most surprised of anyone that I was able to just stop.

I've also done it "on my own" without an official program, although I must say that I've applied several of the principles of various recovery programs to my own situation. I'm sure this isn't the way to go for everybody, it's just what's worked for me.

Now that my head is clear, I can see some friends and family members around me with some big alcohol problems. It's frustrating, because on the one hand I love them and hate to see them poisoning themselves, but yet I realize that true recovery must come from within. I know in my case that no amount of preaching and lecturing ever slowed me down. Besides, at just over three months, I'm in no position to get all "high and mighty" on sobriety.

Hey Jim... I enjoy your posts and you always speak from the heart. Your honesty and transparency are evident, one reason why I think you are doing as well as you are!

As for your questions, the first two I quoted above, only you know that Jim. What do you think? More important is that you are doing what you need to stay sober. What I can see with you is that you are grateful and you enjoy being sober.

Some of us fail because many don't have the power to stop on our own. Some of us need a higher power. Not all of us, as witnessed by some rather heated discussions here of late, but many. Maybe that power is working in your life. Nurture it, keep it strong.

Mark

I quit drinking because I had reached my bottom. No doubt that others have probably hit lower bottoms than I did but I got to that point where I was forced to wake up to the fact that my life was only going to get worse if I kept on drinking.

I had taken a 40 day break from booze thiking it would change my drinking pattern. The very first day I drank after that, i planned on only a couple of beers...but those beers were followed by a pint of jack daniels which I planned on sharing with my mates who were coming over. I ended up finishing it before they came over and went out for another pint. Long story short i blacked out and did some really crazy things that day that shocked both of my mates. That was my wake up call to realize that somehting was defintely wrong.

nevertheless I gave social drinking another 10 shots and failed alll of them. The last one being after a break of 86 days, this time again 2 beers went to a pint of whisky.

I think for some people the fear of not drinking is more frightening than the pain they are still suffering. Age could also have a lot to do with it. When you're young you have a lot to look forward to but once you get old I think the motivation to get sober is lacking.

some people dont get sober because they think they are invincible or like the local drunk where i live says 'i dont care if i die, i just cant stop drinking' its so sad, he's forever pestering passers-by for money for white cider, he looks like hes dying, im praying he will see the light in time like i did, although i never would have asked people for money i did think at one time i was doomed to die because i needed alcohol to 'cope with life' i always promised i would stop after christmas, then after New Year parties, then after my birthday, then after my holiday. etc etc, glad ive finished with all that now,

in my experience, some people are alcohol abusers, some are heavy drinkers, some are moderate drinkers, and some are alcoholics.

i am the last one, i can stop, but i cant stay stopped. i will always return to it. unless i work a 12 step program. if you can stay stopped ( without any other mind alterateing substance) thats fantastic. i truly mean that.

i stopped questioning why others can do it and i can not. i just excepted the fact that i am wired different from the average drinker, and when i did things got better.

not sure if it answers your question, but thanks for asking it anyway !.

peace to you and yours

I'm with you Jim. I stopped pills when I was done 25 years ago, then meth 18 years ago, cigs about 8 years maybe and booze coming on 9 months. I try and stay on guard, because I sure don't want to slip. I am terrified that if I had just one more, I would never stop again. I've never been to a meeting of any sort.

I am grateful for what ever it is that allowed me to quit, and I do work a "recovery" program every day, by coming here, by reading self help books, and by practicing gratitude and other key life strategies I have learned here all the time.

I think it never occurs to some people to stop. For a long time I never thought to stop until some things happened.

I stay on guard, too. One slip and down the hole I'll fall.

From an AA perspective there are two types of people:

Those that are ready and those that aren't

There aren't winners, losers, good or bad.

I think we have what's known as a "moment of clarity", and in that moment the rules of the time and space continuum are suspended and the very fabric of reality is rent open and we have access to a moment of grace, which we can parlay into X amount of alcohol free time depending on how much work we put into it. If we change our thinker before our thinker convinces us to drink again and we can actually get what's known as "sober".

I am only kind of joking, the truth of the matter is I don't know, I have literally spent YEARS trying to quit drinking, the first time it took me five years from "the decision" to quit drinking to actually quit. I remember waking up 1000's of mornings saying to ,myself "I'm never drinking again" and being loaded by 5

I will never forget Aug 23, 1992 I woke up, been on a week long bender, had lost my job and my girl and my place to live the week before, so business as usual you know? a bit bumpy but certainly nothing too abnormal, and I woke up with the thought "I can't live like this any more"

It was really strange, there was a calm surrender I had never felt, something just broke in my mind, I ran into my ex (of a week) and told her I was going to go to AA, and that I couldn't live like this any more and I didn't care if I got her back or not, I just wanted to make things right. I went to a therapist I knew to talk to her about what had happened, she had 25 years of sobriety at the time and worked in the field, and I will never forget how she treated me that day, she could tell I had something change and at day one of "sobriety" treated me as if my sobriety was a foregone conclusion, she could tell something had happened although I could but couldn't if that makes sense.

I was sober for some years, until I drank again, since that day I have "gone out" or "drank" twice, once after three years, once after seven years, and in both instances tried to quit drinking after I started only to find I was dancing with an 800 lb Gorilla, that I couldn't moderate, and I couldn't stop.

I can't explain why I stopped either time, just Grace..... God's grace, which is a free gift, there is a mindset of surrender instead of defiance and nothing I did could artificially generate that grace, and strangely enough, the second time I had that moment of clarity I wasn't even really drinking at the time, my liver was failing, I was yellow so was only drinking once or twice a month, I was maybe 32 or 33, but one night I was cleaning my house and ran across my photos and was looking at them, looking at the story of my life and I just sat down and started crying, and went to AA the next day to get a good brainwashing because my brains were dirty, just full of pain and hurt and fear.

So I don't know Jim, we just get a few opportunities to get this thing, maybe only one, it really is like playing Russian Roulette I have seen many people drink after LONG periods of sobriety and from that moment there was like a pane of glass between me and them and I watch them get "swept away" by alcohol, I can see the desperation in their eyes, I watch them go to meetings for months on end, crying because they can't get sober again, that they are helpless under the onslaught...

So at the end of the day I believe just for a moment in time our arrogance and ego snaps and through that hole, through that ***** in our armor we receive God's Grace, which by definition is a free, unearned gift, after that whether we keep it or not depends on us and the work we put into it.

I have seen a lot of people coast for years on that moment before they drank again, and I have seen people parlay that moment into happy, joyous and free lives

I have noticed that even tho a great many alcoholics share a common illness, their recovery needs do seem to vary between individuals. I think that one variance can be because of ones notions about their illness, particularly after they choose a recovery program. My experience tells me that regardless how far down one has sunk in alcoholism, the methods to achieve a recovered state are as many as there are alcoholics.

I have no idea. I'm sad for people who choose to continue living the way I used to. But that's their choice, and no amount of my concern will ever touch them.

My counselor did tell me one time, that complacency (or getting cocky) is one of the biggest dangers for a return to drinking. Be careful, friend.

Proud of you!

Ago, I can really relate to your story. You being in A.A. and going out after 3 years then after 7 years.

From the first time I started drinking at the age of 10, I was "that guy". I was that guy who seemed hellbent on getting trashed as fast as possible. I took to booze like a fish in water. It just always came natural... no fear. For a long long time, I had no problem with my drinking but certain people did. I had a knack for hanging out with people who didn't seem to have a problem with my drinking.

Eventually, the blackouts and the drama caught up with me and it wasn't so "cool". So I'd quit. No problem. I was very good at just going cold turkey. Then I'd see myself taking a sip of her drink and it had Captain Morgan in it, so I'd just say, "Wow, this tastes pretty good. Can I have this one?" Or I'd be in Texas and decide, "I've never drank in Texas before."

Then A.A. and I was a good dawg. I was chairing meetings and doing the deal and doing service work and life was great. Then drink day came and that was that. But my inability to control and enjoy my drinking was really failing me. I realized that if I was to drink, I'd have to go it alone. I was truly lonely and scared. Booze thumped me hard and I arose remorsful, so back to A.A. I went. I was back into the thing and with a group of guys that did steps and I just didn't seem to want to drink. I built my life back up to something that was decent and life was great. I had total freedom in all areas of my life. I was a good dawg. Then I got into a new relationship, a great job, had a house built, got married, moved... drank. Tried to hide it and tried to go back to A.A. I was stuck and my drinking was really jacked up. I drank on the road when I could and everytime I'd get pretty much insanely smashed. If it wasn't my coworkers taking sympathy in me and caring for me it was the cops. The cops were so scared for me, they took me to the psych ward to put me on suicide watch, then back to the police station and they put me on a cot right next to their office so they could keep an eye on me. Why they didn't take me to detox I don't know. They even called my wife and told her I was a nice guy and all... I was just extremely drunk. Turned out I think I swallowed about half a bottle of skelaxin (sp?) too.

I had no hope in living sober or my ability to drink. It's hard to hide your drinking from people when you wind up in jail or the hospital...or you have the dreaded cell phone on you. That drunk calling is dangerous too. :cool:

I don't know why I decided to go back to that damned A.A. meeting again. I'd failed doing it on my own so many times, that I talked to my wife about trying some controlled drinking. She said, "Do what you want, I'll be gone." So... I had no hope and dreaded going back to the meeting. I had no "plan". When I showed up to the meeting and faced the guys who had been on my ass for "headed out" or "heading for a drink", they didn't rub anything in. They just asked me if I thought I had a problem with booze and if I wanted to do something about it. I said "Yes" to both and they had me write this inventory.

If you can get and stay sober on something else or control and enjoy your drinking, hats off to ya.

There are some great answers here, although they do sort of add up to don't know. As much as we care for others and pull for them, each of us has to live our own lives. We come into this world alone, we leave it alone. You can be a shining example for your mates and offer them support and understanding, but their relationship to God or alcohol or life is their own.

I'm only on day 5 - actually more like 8 or 9. I set my sobriety date as the day I started to post here. My friends and I are all amazed at how easily I put it down. I'm shocked that I haven't even wanted a drink. Of course, I've had my nose in this site almost constantly.

We read about people who have been sober for years and relapse. And the trigger can even be a pleasant memory of the before days when we could have that occasional drink. I know that I'm a permanent resident of this site, even when I have to spend less time here. I don't ever want to go back.

Thanks. And a big :c011: to you for being sober!!

This is one amazing thread! I could relate to every single post! Thanks baldjim for starting it, and good luck too you. And, I also agree that you need to be careful of the cockiness. Be proud, not cocky. Hope this helps...

Survivors guilt, Jim. I had that same feeling a very long time ago, about someone I care about deeply. I honestly don't know why, don't have the all-seeing eye, I'm just grateful I'm sober today.