Any thoughts or ideas on learning how to put "you" first?
 

I was just wondering... Since most of my drinking the past few yearshas been triggered by others actions and the stress those actions had on me, I'm trying to find a way to not let anyone effect my feelings so much , especially right now at this delicate time, when I'm trying hard to not pick up a drink...does anyone have any suggestions or methods on how to just focus on myself, and not let certain people's actions effect me so much? I'm not saying that it was anyone's fault why I drank, I know that was my own decision...just saying that I had a very hard time dealing with certain things that have happened in the past few years which definitely provoked my drinking...Thanks for reading.

I Googled "detachment" and found this article, which expresses it much better than I can....... Detachment - Detachment From Alcoholism and Alcohol Problems

Something my sponsor suggested..... whatever anyone else says, thinks, or does is none of my business, unless I'm invited in.

You are not responsible for your yearnings or your 'disease'.

But you are VERY responsible (100%) for your actions and your recovery.

You don't EVER drink because of what someone else does, you drink because YOU make the choice to drink.

You're probably not going to like what I have to say, but until we accept the fact that we are the only people in the universe, heaven or hell included, that are responsible for our drinking, we're going to have a very difficult time remaining sober. Unless someone was holding us down and pouring the booze down our throat. We alcoholics can always find an excuse to drink, if we choose to do so. We obviously need to avoid unnecessary stress in our lives but have to make a choice that alcohol is not an option we want to exercise to deal with that stress.

Right, but I had also said it's not anyones fault...I know no one forced me to do anything...I'm just asking if anyone had any methods in dealing with the triggers instead of going to the bottle.

I like to get things in perspective soooo

"How Important Is It?"

keeps me in balance....smoothes my life......:yup:

If something is vitally important....I rely on
God and the AA Steps ....again
for balance and serenity.

I have a fantastic life of purpose and joy
Hope you will too....:)

I appreciate your thoughts...That is a good question to ask myself...Gives me somewhere to start..I should start prioritizing what's really important. I do have a tendency to make less important things dominate my mind...to me they seem important, but in the grand scheme of things I realize they really shouldn't affect me as much as they do. I need to work on that.

Thanks....:)
I also use the Serenity Prayer for direction

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I can not change
change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference."

:laughing::.....It never wears out...so
please consider using it too.

That's a great prayer and so true...I remember that from going to a few Alanon meetings.

I wish you would talk more about what triggers you are talking about? Are you having codependency issues?

KJ

No matter what, no matter what!! And I am so worth it, I deserve better and if someone, something, someplace, etc., is enough to upset me that badly then IT/THEY are not worth it!!!!! :)

Men are usually my triggers...Whether it be someone I just started talking too, or someone I get involved with..The people I pick seem to cause chaos. The last two men in my life were definitely bad characters..Just lots of confusion and mind games went on, where I was always confused, trying to figure things out...The last relationship I was in (if you could call it that) ended very badly...He did something horrible to me at the last minute and I was devastated. I found it too hard to deal with the emotions and started drinking more...I'd say that's my main trigger...there are other, smaller stressful things that don't have to do with men..but that wouldn't drive me to binge drink.

Just pointing something out, the 'buts'. I'm sorry but.
They're always out there, you can avoid putting yourself into situations that trigger stress, but at some point, like Carol and the others have mentioned, is it worth drinking over?

Thank you Judy and John...your words are much appreciated...As much as I hate being alone, I don't think it's a good idea for me to get involved with anyone right now either, until I work on myself...I guess that's easier said then done.."This too shall pass" I used to say that alot, I believe it too...Two of the closest people in my life died within a few years of eachother...then my dog passed...I think I've buried those feelings for so long aswell..my father is still an active alcoholic which has also caused me lots of stress...I'm not living with him anymore, but I am not happy with where I'm living now, but it's still better than all those years of living with him...and if I want to go see my mom and spend time with her it's usually before 4 pm, because that's when he starts drinking, and I made it my business not to be around him when he starts up... That is a big trigger for me also.. and I just kept drinking instead of trying to quit and make my living situation right now better by moving into another place...When you fall into despair, nothing seems like it will change, an the drinking will only keep you in that state longer...I needed that temporary fix, even if it was for a few hours just for my brain to relax, but I know that's not the answer..I guess the drinking does hold me back from doing the things I really need to do to have a happy life in the long run.

Thank you for that :) I will think about that everyday.

Yes...I usually feel the need to have someone in my life or it feels so empty...which I can say loneliness is another trigger for me...Just sitting thinking...about past things about why I feel alone now...sometimes it gets unbearable and that's when I would go start with a few shots, which would turn into much more at the end of the night..

Getting to know who I am is imperative at this point...I didn't realize how important it is, but now that I am realizing how much that matters, I will work on changing my outlook...

And, lastly, that is true...alot of times when I look back at certain things, it would have been wiser to not let my emotions run wild...I really appreciate that, it is great food for thought!

They actually have a book called "What You Think of Me is None of My Business." Haven't read it myself so I can't recommend it but the title got stuck in my head. I do use this attitude from time to time but never with important people in my life like my close friends.

OB

I actually found a lot more calm in my sobriety once I STOPPED putting me, and my need for instant gratification first. MY choice to deal with life's fumbles led ME to drink.. me me me. I had to find worth outside myself before I could find it within. I wasn't enough to get sober for at first...I had to see the bigger picture, but I'm sure as hell enough to stay sober for now.

just my own lil humble opinion :)

Flutter, I was just about to post that identical thing! Exactly.