Thank you all for your advice and I know the best thing to do is leave this all behind me. My mind knows that, I have left him but I just wish my heart could understand. He has sooooooooooooo much potential, I wish he could see that also.....but you can not base a future on that...........

Let's get facts here....
He has sex with other women
He lies to you
He is drinking
For 3 years he made you miserable
so you say.

What sort of potential are you expecting?
And why?

Geez! I'd rather be alone
than have such a jerk in my life.
I refuse to be any losers partner.

Ok, it depends on what the OP is talking about. I took it to mean "cheating" as in infidelity and I based my answer on that and stand by it. I'm certainly not patting myself on the back or claiming to be perfect or saying I've never lied, been unreliable, etc. I've done those things and more and now have to set about making the amends for them.

But if the OP was referring to infidelity then I stand by my original statements that it is and has always been a non-negotiable for me, drunk or sober. And if infidelity is what was originally meant then I stand by what I said, there are people that cheat (as in being unfaithful) that do not drink just as there are people that cheat that do drink.

Kellye

Carol, you're absolutely right.

However, cheating is not easy, even when you're in the middle of it. I know how silly I sound, but as a serial cheater, I always think and want the relationship person. I cheated while crying over my "girlfriend." or "wife"

I don't know how to describe it, but having sex with another woman is not about the other woman. She is the current one, but once you do it, you're saying goodbye to any relationship you might have. Lord knows I've said goodbye to plenty of mine.

This is my biggest issue, why can't I stop cheating? I have never been faithful to anyone. Even a wife! Lately, I've felt so bad.

Texas...:hug:
When I did Steps 4 & 5 whatever I did in my drinking life
was reolved and I could then move into my new life.

:)....I strongly suggest you try that
or re do them if you have not found peace.

Forward we go..side by side
:yup:

Hi Kellye, just to be clear... "patting myself on the back" was absolutely meant only to reflect on me. I didn't mean to sound snarky at anyone else.

Yep, I need to go back. I'm serious about sobriety and sometimes I think I'm moving too fast. Step 10 - 12 is scaring me, as I'm not there, I need to go back.

I'm so not ready to serve others. Thank you.

EDIT: I'm on step 9. I can't seem to make my amends to my ex-wife and her family. I think it would cause too much pain. If I admitted my faults and apologized, I'm afraid she might think we're getting back together. That will never happen, but I have to admit that I left my ex-wife without any real reason. In the original spirit of the thread, yes I cheated on her. I was a drunk, the end. I do not want my ex back. My current hates me too, and I have to start over. What are you gonna do?

Texas, a couple of thoughts. Your sponsor should be the best one to advise you on when and how and IF to make amends to these women since we trust that he has heard the whole story during a thorough fifth step and has information that we do not and SHOULD NOT have on these boards.

Thought #2 - most people (I will not say ALL) will spend the rest of their life making amends so they do not hold off on steps 10 - 12 indefinitely waiting until all amends are made. Just food to throw out. Once again your sponsor knows you and where you are in your individual program and is the very person to advise in these matters.

My .02,
Kellye

My sponsor is a good guy, I love him and he does his best, I'm just a mess. I just can't seem to forgive myself. Maybe I'm just not ready. I'm ready to quit drinking and I have for 7 months. Maybe, the chickens are just coming home to roost. My life has sucked since I quit drinking. I don't want to start over, I want to fix the past. When I realize I can't...I lose it. I just need to deal.

I hope you can get through your amends.

I heard this from a big book study.

Start with the Easy ones

Then try the "Maybe I should" ones

Then try the "I don't want to" ones

Then try the "I will Never" ones

Life is not a matter of "starting over" it is moving forward. While I can not take away your self loathing I can tell you self acceptance is key to my recovery. I am not the sum of my past behavior and neither are you. Be proud of what you have accomplished, set new goal, obtain them and create a new identity. Put the bat down my friend!