SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Quote:

Originally Posted by snitch (Post 7032146)

Ok. Am not sure if this is going to make sense and am going to talk to my sponsor in the morning but I am lying in bed and need to get this off my chest.
I am nearly 6 months sober. I have a solid Step one. I am powerless over alcohol and I have come to believe that only a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity and I have daily conscious contact with my HP. I go to as many meetings as I can and have got a home group where I now have 2 service positions. So far so good.
I have 2 issues that I am struggling with

Issue 1. Personalities.
Now, I know we have to place Principles before Personalities. I get that I really do. I am in AA to save my life however....a few weeks ago one of the regular girls in my meeting was being unkind about someone else and what they share about. I felt upset about this and walked away (it wasn't said directly to me but I was in the vicinity) but It left me feeling uneasy and a bit shocked.
Today there was a guy in my meeting who I have seen onky twice before. He shared he had had a relapse and was due to go to rehab and was tapering off. He said he wrote poems about his addiction and started singing one to us. It was a bit surreal but quite sweet. With about 20 mins left to the end of the meeting, 5 of us had shared and 5 hadn't and there was 5 minutes of silence, no one else seemed to want to share so he came back in. He said silence made him feel uncomfortable and he started talking about all these poems he had written and then he broke into song again. I haven't experienced anything like it, he was in his own little world bless him obviously very sick. So when he had finished one of the girls next to him sort of broke the ice with him saying he should go into the AA talent show that is being held tomorrow evening and he started talking a bit and to be fair it started become more of a social meeting than an AA meeting but I could see where this girl was coming from she just wanted to help him. At this point one of the regular women with long term sobriety just snapped!! She started yelling "I just can't take this, this is meant to be an AA meeting not a social one. People come here to share not chat. I dont have anything to share but I'll share anyway.." and started to talk about her new puppy! Her face was all screwed up. She looked pyscho. It was horrible. How can someone who has long term sobriety act like this??? It has left me really shaken and unsure today which leads me to issue 2.

Issue 2. All the talk in the meetings from people with long term sobriety (Well maybe not ALL the talk, that is a bit of a sweeping statement) but alot of talk is about how alcoholism is a SOBER illness and how our thinking is warped and just all this work I am doing to change my thinking and thoughts, I feel I am so aware of every little fleeting thought now that goes through my mind and I have to analyse each and every one and I am so bloody exhausted by it and I am lying here this evening thinking I just don't know if I can do this anymore.i don't want to drink but to put every single thing I feel or think down to my alcoholism us driving me more insane (I think! Even though my sponsor tells me NOT to think so much!)
I feel frazzled and a bit disturbed to be honest and am starting to question if AA is for me. I am going to pray and then sleep on it.
Thanks for letting me share.

With regards to the AA fellowship I have found setting boundaries is helpful. I have also learned it is important to have a balance between what I hear in AA and others outside the rooms share.

Ten years ago I was having serious problems financially. Now, I didn't have an official sponsor per say but I had (and have) several *AA mentors.

I was given advise such as to pray and to realize I wasn't in charge. To stop trying to control the events in my life. I even put together a **God box which had been recommended.

Then one Sunday afternoon just before I was going out the door to my noon meeting I thought to myself, "I really need to start dealing with this..." so stayed home and began focusing on how to improve my situation.

I recall one AA mentor telling me I needed to slow down, that I was trying to be the director and trying to control the play. I thought to myself I might not be the director but I am the one paying to put the play on.

I am happy to report after a lot of stress and hard work I was able to get back on my feet.

So what does all this have to do with what the OP wrote? Just this.. Life doesn't constantly need to run though an AA filter and I find it important not to ignore my instincts or gut feelings.

A sponsor or other AA members one might hold in esteem usually mean well. And I can honestly say after 25 years in AA I have never met anyone who I felt deliberately was not trying to help.

My point is such people aren't necessary correct and what works for them may not work for me.

* AA members with a lot of time in the program and whose opinion I value.

**The God Box is a tool for letting go . . . | Women's Spirituality