Starr; I am sorry. I think I understand what you are saying and feeling. What has helped me is to pray (often over and over..even beg) for the willingness and/or ability to turn it over.to my HP (God) to give me the gift of faith to be able to do that. It has worked for me every time; even when I might not realize it immediately.
Hope you have peace of mind and spirit very soon.
Glad you are back and posted. Hope to see lots of you here.
Let me know how things are going.I struggle with this area sometimes,too. I believe it is part of the first and second steps and a human weakness we all have. Maybe just have to keep practicing it and see it work to be able to trust in complete faith.
We are told "It's simple, but not easy". You are not alone.