on the Pity Pot
Hi guys!
I haven't posted in awhile as I have been settling into my new home. (I moved back to where I grew up after 21 yrs away). I am dating a man- someone I have known my whole life - who has 21 yrs clean and sober.... but just because he's clean and sober doesn't mean he's got it all together.
May I whine and complain for a moment?
He has been working a program for so long, I'm not sure there is room for me in it! It seems like every time I turn around he is telling me how something is NOT ok and it is bumping up on one of his boundaries. For example: he doesn't like it when people talk in a movie. At all - from when we get there and the music is on BEFORE the previews until we are walking out. (me? I like to see what the other person thinks about silly previews etc. I talk in a low voice, dont' disturb anyone else around me)
He also doesn't like it when people talk about what they read when they are reading the paper. My last bf and I used to read the paper to each other, interact, etc. and it made us laugh and got us to talking about current events, etc.
He is a fabulous cook but doesn't want anyone else in the kitchen or near by when he is cooking. I enjoy cooking together as a couple, in fact I think it can be a really fun and intimate evening if you spend time planning and preparing a meal together.
I cooked a really big, nice lunch for him and his daughter and his friend one day. I went back to my office and asked if he could do the dishes. He informed me he doesnt DO dishes. Me- I work 40 hrs a week too. and it is MY opinion that if one person cooks,the other person can clean or at least help with the cleaning.
He's a smoker and I'm not, yet we always sit in the smoking section when we go out. He smokes in my car, and for now doesn't smoke in my house, though I imagine that's coming.
I need affection in my relationships, a hug or kiss or hand holding that says you're special and I care about you, and I am glad to be in this relationship. When I told him that's what I want and need, he said I am an attention junkie and he ins't going to feed that.
YET when I ask if he still cares about me, he tells me of course I should know that, and he is growing tired of my insecurity.
I am feeling worn out, overwhelmed, and MAD right now. I feel like I am the only giving and compromising in this relationship, and I wonder if I am not seeing things clearly.
Any words of wisdom from my friends in the forum????
Hugs
O59