((LNF))
My heart breaks for you - I hear my story in your words - I kept thinking if I did more things like He wanted, acted more like He wanted me to, treated Him better, took over more of the responsibilities, blah, blah, blah, then He wouldn't drink or use. And toward the end of the really bad years, it was maybe then he would at least not be mean to me when he drank or used - The option of him not drinking or using was gone - It was to try to avoid the arguements between he and I or between he and the girls.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing that you will ever be able to do that will make him happy - This disease makes him miserable and more than likely he will remain miserable until he finds help for his disease.
From my experience, the best thing you can do is learn to take care of you. You deserve to be happy. That doesn't mean that you have to leave him. Some people learn to live happy, joyous and free while living with their A's - that is your choice - But going to those meetings, posting here and reading those suggested books will help you learn what is right for you. It will give you the courage and strength to be able to make the right decision for you.
Don't give up before the miracles happen in You.
Rita