Hi Musky!
Welcome to SR!
It did take a lot of courage for you to send that post. You are heading in the right direction.
I have 35 days sobriety right now. Not much, but it's getting a little easier. I've been going to AA meetings about 3 times a week, and reading books on alcoholism including the book I am reading currently: "Drinking, A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp.
Fear of losing my family caused me to finally wake up and recognize that I have got to stop drinking. My husband has been very supportive, but I realize that spouses can only take so much. It's so hard to realize that our drinking can hurt other people, especially the people that we love. I mean, when we drink we are not doing it to hurt other people; we are doing it to make ourselves feel better. Alcohol is so deceptive. After my last few blackouts, I had the feeling that "my friend alcohol" (usually white zinfandel, but beer or vodka or tequilla were just fine too) had betrayed me. Alcohol lies to us and makes promises that it can't keep. I started to become obsessed with the thought that every time I drank that I was playing Russian Roulette with my family.
Writing down all the reasons why I wanted to quit was helpful for me (hangovers, shame, fear of DUI's and going to jail, and of course fear of losing my family). Listing out all the gritty details and then actually seeing them in writing was a powerful motivater for me.
You are doing GREAT! Just keep coming back and working on your recovery plan!
Come hop on "There's a New Bus in Town" thread when you get a chance! We try to check on each other every day. It's a fun ride!
We are getting stronger everyday. :Weightlif