Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking.
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
Both can be ordered from Amazon...
Blackouts are explained on page 119 im "Umder"
The info in that book finally got me sober!!
Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.
Blessings...